Acknowledging Newcomers

  • Thread starter Thread starter Eruvande
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
E

Eruvande

Guest
I’ve been to Mass today, and in many ways it was wonderful - reverent and holy, time set apart from the everyday, and of course, Jesus truly present with us. But not one single person spoke to me or returned a smile - not at the Peace or at the end of the service.

Now, I’m a gutsy girl, I’m going back because I want Jesus in all His fullness. But I considered what it would be like had I been completely non-Christian, going into church for the first time, how cold and unfriendly it seemed. Not one smile or acknowledgement. Just seemed very strange to me.
 
Eruvande said:
I’ve been to Mass today, and in many ways it was wonderful - reverent and holy, time set apart from the everyday, and of course, Jesus truly present with us. But not one single person spoke to me or returned a smile - not at the Peace or at the end of the service.

Now, I’m a gutsy girl, I’m going back because I want Jesus in all His fullness. But I considered what it would be like had I been completely non-Christian, going into church for the first time, how cold and unfriendly it seemed. Not one smile or acknowledgement. Just seemed very strange to me.
Click to expand...
One thing I must ask: How were people supposed to know you were a newcomer? 🤷
 
I’m very sorry this happened to you. I know how it feels, because it has happened to me in Protestant churches.
I’m a little surprised though that at the greeting no one smiled or was friendly. I’m glad you’re giving them another chance. Perhaps you could try saying “Peace be with you – I’m new here,” and see if it helps.

What irritates me is people who offer you their hand, say “Peace” without making eye contact and are clearly already looking for the next person. Rude as heck.
 
As Luigi suggested, often it is difficult to tell who is new at mass because there are usually a few masses and people sometimes attend different ones. I’m sorry that you were ignored during the sign of peace. I can say that I might have become Catholic sooner if a couple of the Catholic churches I attended were friendlier. The one I attend now is excellent, but I am sure that people still sometimes get overlooked. I hope that no one feels unwelcome. I’m too new to know who is actually new. I know that some people don’t like the sign of peace, but I think that it is a good non-essential part of mass. In my parish most people are friendly during the sign of peace, but a friend told me that his son just ignores people during it because it detracts from the mass for him (my friend disagrees with his son on that one. )
 
Let’s not confuse people at that parish or other parishes not being “welcoming” with The Catholic Church. The Church is welcoming, the people in that parish may not be. You can’t force friendliness. If people aren’t friendly, that is not The Church’s fault. If people won’t shake hands during the sign of peace, that is on them, not The Church.

Did you approach anyone during the sign of peace, or were you waiting for someone to come to you?
 
First of all, welcome home!!

Please accept my apologies for the lack of a welcome at your church. I have been the “new kid” too, and felt out of place, hoping someone would extend kindness. I am also guilty (mea culpa!) of being a stressed out music minister who is focused on getting the hymn numbers up, rehearsing the psalm with the cantor, etc., and who sometime fails to welcome a newcomer. Our church is small, so we know when someone visits for the first time, but in a large parish with multiple Masses it would be common for people to not realize you are new.

The suggestion to mention that you are new is a good one, also to attend a coffee hour after Mass and have the chance to meet some of the regular parishioners. When I returned to the Catholic faith it was at a large parish, and once I met some regulars they took me under their win and made sure I was welcomed.

On behalf of our HUGE Catholic family in heaven and on earth, blessings and welcome!:extrahappy:
 
OneHolyCathAp said:
First of all, welcome home!!

On behalf of our HUGE Catholic family in heaven and on earth, blessings and welcome!:extrahappy:
Click to expand...
I am glad you are up for going again. I hope you will find those that are friendlier and realize you are a newcomer. You must have “fit right in” because I can usually spot a newcomer from lagging behind a few seconds when we “sit, stand and kneel.” 😃

Blessings,
Mary.
 
One time I did try to welcome someone I thought was new, and he looked at me quizzically and said “I’ve been coming for 5 years.” He must have been going to a different mass, since we have 7 between Saturday and Sunday masses. So that kind of put me off the idea.
If I know someone is new, I’ll definitely try to be welcoming. So it might be helpful to say “this is my second time here!” or something of the sort.
 
Thanks everyone - to be clear, this wasn’t an attack on the church, more a gentle thought that it would have been nice to have a smile returned. I turned to everyone around me during the peace and extended my hand and smiled, but was ignored.

It’s not so much that I expected people to know I was new by some psychic powers, it’s more that I hung about the place looking a bit lost, smiling at people, none of whom smiled back when I made eye contact. All those things that humans do to try and connect with other.

I’ve been a Christian for years, and have experienced the ‘new face’ phenomenon before. I’m sure that it will hopefully change as I stick around. The website said there was coffee afterwards, but all I saw was people charging for the door and driving off. Reminded me to be friendly this morning when I attended our protestant church, tbh.

Like I say, it won’t stop me going 🙂
 
Eruvande said:
I’ve been to Mass today, and in many ways it was wonderful - reverent and holy, time set apart from the everyday, and of course, Jesus truly present with us. But not one single person spoke to me or returned a smile - not at the Peace or at the end of the service.

Now, I’m a gutsy girl, I’m going back because I want Jesus in all His fullness. But I considered what it would be like had I been completely non-Christian, going into church for the first time, how cold and unfriendly it seemed. Not one smile or acknowledgement. Just seemed very strange to me.
Click to expand...
Seems a lot of people new to the Mass have that experience. I did too, although I knew going the first time that the Mass was different than my usual protestant service. My protestant service had a pronounced fellowship aspect to it where the Mass was more liturgical. Even though I knew that going in, and even though I was looking for a more liturgical worship experience and I had been reading about Catholicism and watching things on EWTN for some time, it was still kind of unnerving to me the first time I actually went to Mass!

Also, there was no easy way for anyone at my Parish to know I was a newcomer at that time.

I’ve thought about this from time to time and I’ve had one idea come to mind. Before Mass starts, the Parish could set up a table out front with a sign nearby that said something like “Newcomers Welcome” with a “newcomer liaison” person at that table. Hopefully someone new would see that and stop at the table to talk to the “newcomer liaison” who could offer to sit with that new person (or persons) during the Mass; helping them to know when to stand and sit, to find the readings, and to get them through the order of the Mass. Afterwards the liaison could answer any questions and give them some information on the Church and that Parish’s RCIA program, and invite them to return next week when the “newcomer liaison” could help them through the Mass again.

I have no idea if this is feasible or would work, although I do think it would have worked for me that first day!
 
Most people are eager to get out the door after Mass. There really isn’t much chit-chat.

Also, it’s Lent. A lot of people come to church for Advent/Christmas and Lent/Easter and aren’t interested in forming any kind of connection w/anyone at Mass, let alone newcomers.

At my old parish, there were always a ton of “new people” who showed up during these times and disappeared after Christmas/Easter.

We’d also get up and shake hands with the people around us at the beginning of service, but they shut that down at Lent too because it’s a more solemn time of year.

Honestly, most people won’t know that you are a newcomer unless you actually say it.

At my new parish, I really like that we are “welcomed”, but we don’t make a show of it and shake hands and wave to our neighbors.

Still, as a former Protestant, Protestants do a lot better job of helping new parishioners feel welcome and comfortable in the church.

Going to Mass is a lot different than going to a Protestant service. It was overwhelming for a long time. It will get better.
 
=Eruvande;12824201]Thanks everyone - to be clear, this wasn’t an attack on the church, more a gentle thought that it would have been nice to have a smile returned. I turned to everyone around me during the peace and extended my hand and smiled, but was ignored.
Click to expand...
Wait, who is telling you this is an attack on the Church? If that’s happening on here, that is a serious accusation and not to be said lightly.

You are only asking a question about the culture of the Church you are going to.
It’s not so much that I expected people to know I was new by some psychic powers, it’s more that I hung about the place looking a bit lost, smiling at people, none of whom smiled back when I made eye contact. All those things that humans do to try and connect with other.
Click to expand...
Well, my experience with Catholic Churches is that smiling and winking or whatever at each other isn’t common, unless there are extended family members around, which I have to say I am **not a fan **of conversation during Mass. But I think it’s more to do with the fact that Catholics go to Mass to worship God (yes, I know some people go just go and count the minutes until its over) not to socialize.

The ushers should be greeting people new and old, however.
I’ve been a Christian for years, and have experienced the ‘new face’ phenomenon before. I’m sure that it will hopefully change as I stick around. The website said there was coffee afterwards, but all I saw was people charging for the door and driving off. Reminded me to be friendly this morning when I attended our protestant church, tbh.
Click to expand...
I’m thinking it’s different like that between Catholic and Protestant Churches. I don’t think anyone means any malice towards you over it. It probably never even crosses their minds.
Like I say, it won’t stop me going 🙂
Click to expand...
At end of all of this, that is the most important point. 👍
 
Eruvande said:
I’ve been to Mass today, and in many ways it was wonderful - reverent and holy, time set apart from the everyday, and of course, Jesus truly present with us. But not one single person spoke to me or returned a smile - not at the Peace or at the end of the service.

Now, I’m a gutsy girl, I’m going back because I want Jesus in all His fullness. **But I considered what it would be like had I been completely non-Christian, going into church for the first time, how cold and unfriendly it seemed. **Not one smile or acknowledgement. Just seemed very strange to me.
Click to expand...
Yes. This is a concern I’ve raised on CAF before, only to be not taken seriously.

I was the guy that walked into a Mass before, hoping to find God. I didn’t find God in the Mass attendees, unfortunately.

I think Catholics can borrow the Protestant tradition of passing out connect cards during the Mass.

If this is unpalatable (“the Mass is a sacrifice!”), then how about at least having a welcome table outside the Mass?
 
=CaliLobo;12825389]Yes. This is a concern I’ve raised on CAF before, only to be not taken seriously.
Click to expand...
Thread link and post #'s, please.

If you want to be taken seriously, then post seriously, not with jest or with getting jabs in.
 
Well, on one hand, it’s true, the Catholic Mass is not a time for socialization and whatnot. On the other hand, however, if people happen to make eye contact at whatever point, it is rude to not return a smile or at least acknowledge that a person made eye contact with you if you notice it.

For a Protestant or non-Christian who has never been to a Mass, this could potentially be jarring to come to what one may consider a “social gathering” and then not be enthusiastically greeted or whatever; for this reason, I think it’s good to have near the entrance a table/rack with information on it that would be accessible/noticeable to newcomers, whether Christian or non-Christian.

Otherwise, the best way to meet people at a Catholic parish is, not just going to Mass, but also going to parish activities. Unfortunately, many parishes do not have the family-type atmosphere that they should, and may not have very many parish activities. However, for someone like you who is coming back to the Church and may have the experience with a close-knit Protestant community (did you?), it will be worth it to search for an active parish community so that you can have the support and fellowship you need.

Although obviously feeling welcome is important and can be a factor in one’s conversion/reversion, one of the beautiful things about the Catholic Church that I hope all people can recognize at some point in their life is that, even when one does NOT feel welcome by the people inside the Church, there is Jesus Christ Himself present in every tabernacle around the world, waiting for all human beings to come to Him, and nothing about how any parish member treats newcomers will change that!

Welcome home - God will certainly bless you for coming back to the Church if you do your best to live a holy life!
 
Well, an interesting thread indeed! As a protestant on the journey to convert, I’d echo that when first walking into 3 parishes in our area no one came up and greeted me. Unless you count a guy who held open the door as I went in…lol.

newcalling has the best point: because there’s so many choices for Mass times, I think folks assume you’re already a member of the parish and just showing up at a different time.

While I was initially put-off by this kind of non-reception, the next visit I would simply walk up to people and introduce myself; telling them my name, getting theirs, and letting them know I was happy to be there. I’d then just walk off to the next person or gathering. Folks are usually curious if you say you’re a Protestant visiting, so don’t be surprised if they strike up a conversation!
 
ArchAngeles said:
I’ve thought about this from time to time and I’ve had one idea come to mind. Before Mass starts, the Parish could set up a table out front with a sign nearby that said something like “Newcomers Welcome” with a “newcomer liaison” person at that table. Hopefully someone new would see that and stop at the table to talk to the “newcomer liaison” who could offer to sit with that new person (or persons) during the Mass; helping them to know when to stand and sit, to find the readings, and to get them through the order of the Mass. Afterwards the liaison could answer any questions and give them some information on the Church and that Parish’s RCIA program, and invite them to return next week when the “newcomer liaison” could help them through the Mass again.

I have no idea if this is feasible or would work, although I do think it would have worked for me that first day!
Click to expand...
I really like your idea. We have made a real effort at smiling and greeting everyone who walks in the door. But, I’m not always sure if they are new or not. Your suggestion could help with that issue. I’m going to bring it up at our next Pastoral Council meeting.

Thanks again and God Bless You.
 
Yes, great idea.

Believe me when I say that many evangelical/Protestant churches have a very impressive system in place at every worship for potential new members. Sometimes it’s aggressive, sometimes it’s not. The important thing is that it’s there.

The praise bands, light show, and coffee bars popping up in mega churches are a powerful draw for people, but equally powerful - if not more so - is the incredible feeling that you are being welcomed and that this could be your new spiritual home.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top