Ackward RCIA Question

[funnyyetsavvy]

Hi,

In my new RCIA class we have one woman who is somehow mentally disabled. She attends with her mother, but she is apparently married. She tends to interrupt the Sister, glares at some of us when we seem to get an answer ‘right’. and has to be monitored by her mother constantly because she starts talking about other topics in the middle of our discussions. Last week, she caused a new couple to feel uncomfortable by asking very direct questions about their marriage and dating life. She does not seem to comprehend what we read in the lessons, often repeating things that were already said, causing her mother to chastise her.

In our first session, she asked the leader when she’d be ‘done’ with the class. The Sister replied that everyone progresses at a different rate.

I’m pondering that. If everyone is in class together, how can we progress at different rates? Our sessions have been running over time because of this woman’s interjections and need for affirmation. I think it’s great that she is interested in becoming Catholic (or her mom is interested in her being Catholic, not sure which), I’m just wondering how the rest of the group can continue to progress and have the kinds of discussions we’d like to have about the faith. Whenever one of us asks a question, she jumps in and acts like we’re stupid for not knowing the answer, then has to be corrected by the Sister…

Anyone have any counsel for me? At some point do we break in to other groups based on ‘progress’? I’m clueless here

Hope this is in the right forum?

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Hi,

In my new RCIA class we have one woman who is somehow mentally disabled. She attends with her mother, but she is apparently married. She tends to interrupt the Sister, glares at some of us when we seem to get an answer ‘right’. and has to be monitored by her mother constantly because she starts talking about other topics in the middle of our discussions. Last week, she caused a new couple to feel uncomfortable by asking very direct questions about their marriage and dating life. She does not seem to comprehend what we read in the lessons, often repeating things that were already said, causing her mother to chastise her.

In our first session, she asked the leader when she’d be ‘done’ with the class. The Sister replied that everyone progresses at a different rate.

I’m pondering that. If everyone is in class together, how can we progress at different rates? Our sessions have been running over time because of this woman’s interjections and need for affirmation. I think it’s great that she is interested in becoming Catholic (or her mom is interested in her being Catholic, not sure which), I’m just wondering how the rest of the group can continue to progress and have the kinds of discussions we’d like to have about the faith. Whenever one of us asks a question, she jumps in and acts like we’re stupid for not knowing the answer, then has to be corrected by the Sister…

Anyone have any counsel for me? At some point do we break in to other groups based on ‘progress’? I’m clueless here

Hope this is in the right forum?

Remember that the weekly sessions are just a starting point. The ongoing learning and discussion is with your Sponsor after the session is over during the week between sessions. You could also decide to form an informal small group of 3 or 4 people and sponsors who meet offsite some other day. If it is disturbing the group I’m sure Sister will deal with it.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

So maybe once we have sponsors we could do that? That would be helpful.

I just want to make sure I can really get my questions answered so I can truly understand Catholic teaching…

Thank you.

 

[PatrickJT914]

Hi funnyyetsavvy,

It’s good the both of you are learning to be Catholic. Welcome to the Inquiry stage. I went through the RCIA process back in 1982-1984 time period. So, that I may complete my sacramental initiation, by receiving Confirmation as a young adult. But anyway, you want to learn about the Catholic faith, well part of it is about Jesus. How he dealt with people and accepted them, no matter what condition they were in. Now I can’t really say much more since I’m not there. Maybe I might feel the same way about the situation. I don’t know. Maybe she needs help from others, how about yourself? Have you thought much about it? She could use a friend, maybe that’s all she needs is have one person care for her. Learn together away from the group. When you choose your sponsors, all of you could learn together. This is just a suggestion. WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?). Also if it’s really causing a problem, I’m sure Sister will handle it. One of the things she could do is to first give the overall lesson plan to the whole group. Then separate the woman from the group to discuss questions about it, so she might feel comfortable. Then call her back to the large group, and share what she thought, but after everybody has shared. That way everybody has a chance to share so they wouldn’t be interrupted (Hopefully). Then she could have the last word. Again just a thought. I could be wrong.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

Hi,
Well, the first meeting was just them and me. Last time there was the new couple, so it’s just the one man.

As I said before, I am happy she wants to become Catholic, my concern was that I am in RCIA to find the answers I seek about being Catholic. I have no unwillingness to help others, in fact I have tried to support Sister in redirecting the group or affirming this girl’s statements when they are on track.

Sister does go around the table to get answers, but when we do an exercise, this woman and her mother are always the opposite of the rest of the class in their answers, and they glare at us when we are given a chance to explain why we answered the way we did. As I said, it’s ackward.

 

[jmcrae]

Maybe just mention to Sister that you find her disruptive to the group, and see what happens then.

You will move on to the Period of Catechesis at some point during Advent (around the end of November), and this woman may or may not proceed with you. (She also might drop out on her own, if she decides that you guys are “not Catholic enough” for her. I’ve seen that happen, too.)

When I was running an RCIA Period of Inquiry, I would usually try to get those who had learning issues to get private instruction with Father, so that they would not disrupt the regular group.

I also had people drop out because I and the other members of the group “did not agree with” their interpretation of the Catholic faith. (I was using the Catechism of the Catholic Church and This is the Faith, by Canon Francis Ripley, so I was never worried about my own level of orthodoxy.)

 

[PatrickJT914]

Hi,
Well, the first meeting was just them and me. Last time there was the new couple, so it’s just the one man.

As I said before, I am happy she wants to become Catholic, my concern was that I am in RCIA to find the answers I seek about being Catholic. I have no unwillingness to help others, in fact I have tried to support Sister in redirecting the group or affirming this girl’s statements when they are on track.

Again I’m glad that you are seeking out answers. And want to be a Catholic. I want to apologize if I made it sound like you weren’t caring or have a willingness to help others. I didn’t know this, until you said so. That’s part of the problem of Internet posting, we can’t see one another and gauge their emotions, body language etc. I commend you for supporting Sister.

Sister does go around the table to get answers, but when we do an exercise, this woman and her mother are always the opposite of the rest of the class in their answers, and they glare at us when we are given a chance to explain why we answered the way we did. As I said, it’s ackward.

Give them time they might come around and start to get it or they might drop out. Don’t give up yourself. You are needed to show Catholics and the rest of the world your light and example.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

Give them time they might come around and start to get it or they might drop out. Don’t give up yourself. You are needed to show Catholics and the rest of the world your light and example.

Well, I heartily pray they DON"T drop out!! God loves and welcomes all, as you pointed out. I wonder if it will become needful for this woman to have private sessions to help her understand the teachings. Because right now, it’s obvious she doesn’t. I think her disability causes her to be the kind of person who is excellent at being taught a simple skill, which she will do to perfection, but struggles with concepts or in depth understanding. I was thinking she’d be a great person to prepare the altar for Mass, for example, because she would always do it exactly as she was taught. And that would be a blessing to the Priest.

Last week I did speak to Sister after class. I told her I really wanted to be a sponge, learn the ‘whys’ of Catholic teachings, ask questions I know I’m probably the only one in the world who’d ever think about that…and I told her I understand the huge disparity in learning curves in the class, and that I hoped I could be a help and not a hinderance to her…and to please let me know if I was becoming a hinderance for any reason. SHe laughed and said she couldn’t see that happening…but I wanted her to know that I truly want to ‘know what I know’…not just go through the motions to achieve a goal.

 

[kage_ar]

Sister has done this before, and I’d wager she has seen all kinds and dealt with every imaginable type of RCIA-er

Participate and enjoy your class! I’d really suggest you keep a journal of your journey (I wish now that I had done that during my RCIA).

Ours starts soon, I need to figure out what food to serve for the first meeting

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

Sister has done this before, and I’d wager she has seen all kinds and dealt with every imaginable type of RCIA-er

Participate and enjoy your class! I’d really suggest you keep a journal of your journey (I wish now that I had done that during my RCIA).

Ours starts soon, I need to figure out what food to serve for the first meeting

I vote mini tacos

Ok maybe not, but YUM!!

How about an ice cream social? That’s always popular…

Good idea about the journal, thanks.

 

[jmcrae]

Good idea about the journal, thanks.

I kept a journal; I love looking at it from time to time. I kept absolutely everything - the bulletin from the days of all the Rites that we did, and the one that had all our names in it after the Easter Vigil, and all the books and pamphlets that people gave us, notes from the RCIA sessions, and I wrote in it every day to record what I was thinking.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

So maybe once we have sponsors we could do that? That would be helpful.

I just want to make sure I can really get my questions answered so I can truly understand Catholic teaching…

Thank you.

If you did not “supply” your own Sponsor as many people do you should ask for one, ASAP. They should be attending with you beginning a few weeks into the Inquiry phase.

 

[PatrickJT914]

Well, I heartily pray they DON"T drop out!! God loves and welcomes all, as you pointed out. I wonder if it will become needful for this woman to have private sessions to help her understand the teachings. Because right now, it’s obvious she doesn’t. I think her disability causes her to be the kind of person who is excellent at being taught a simple skill, which she will do to perfection, but struggles with concepts or in depth understanding. I was thinking she’d be a great person to prepare the altar for Mass, for example, because she would always do it exactly as she was taught. And that would be a blessing to the Priest.

Good for you to pray for them. Keep up your Christian love for them. Yes God welcomes us all into His Son’s Church. That’s why it’s called the " CATHOLIC " Church. Because in Greek the word means “universal”. St. Ignatius of Antioch, Letter to the Smyrneans, 107 AD wrote, “Where Jesus Christ is, there is the CATHOLIC Church.” This was before the different sects of Christian churches were formed. Only one Church. Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic. Sorry the Youth Ministry/Confirmation Catechist got the best of me for a moment. It’s sad that she has to be that way, but like scriptures says two things: In her weakness is her strength. And God put people like that to shame those of us who are okay. For in her limited capacity she is a blessing to all of us. She shows how in her simplicity how we are supposed to be dependent on God, child-like, and innocent. Yes she could dress the altar, and as she gains more knowledge, understanding, confidence and ability she can do many other tasks in and for the church.

Last week I did speak to Sister after class. I told her I really wanted to be a sponge, learn the ‘whys’ of Catholic teachings, ask questions I know I’m probably the only one in the world who’d ever think about that…and I told her I understand the huge disparity in learning curves in the class, and that I hoped I could be a help and not a hinderance to her…and to please let me know if I was becoming a hinderance for any reason. SHe laughed and said she couldn’t see that happening…but I wanted her to know that I truly want to ‘know what I know’…not just go through the motions to achieve a goal.

It’s also great you want to learn as much as you can. Maybe you can teach after you become Catholic. It’s usually better when a convert learns about the Catholic faith because it’s all new to them. They are excited to be home, after traveling so many years, taking different paths, staying at different places feeling restless. As St. Augustine (I think) said, Our hearts are restless until they rest in you (Jesus). You have found your home. Welcome Home, Elizabeth.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

It’s also great you want to learn as much as you can. Maybe you can teach after you become Catholic. It’s usually better when a convert learns about the Catholic faith because it’s all new to them. They are excited to be home, after traveling so many years, taking different paths, staying at different places feeling restless. As St. Augustine (I think) said, Our hearts are restless until they rest in you (Jesus). You have found your home. Welcome Home, Elizabeth.

Thank you very much. I’m so excited about this path, and very eager to learn all I can!

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

If you did not “supply” your own Sponsor as many people do you should ask for one, ASAP. They should be attending with you beginning a few weeks into the Inquiry phase.

I do have someone who has offered to be my sponsor, and Sister is aware of that, but I’m not sure when they’ll be required to start attending. They went with me the first night so I would feel more comfortable, which was a huge relief to me (and a surprise, since I didn’t know that would happen). Sister was glad to see that support.

 

[joamy]

I kept a journal; I love looking at it from time to time. I kept absolutely everything - the bulletin from the days of all the Rites that we did, and the one that had all our names in it after the Easter Vigil, and all the books and pamphlets that people gave us, notes from the RCIA sessions, and I wrote in it every day to record what I was thinking.

I wish I’d kept a journal… . I did keep all of my bulletins and notes etc. Best memory is that smell of the Chrism oil

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

Unfortunately, class was cancelled last week due to Fay, but we’ll resume on Thursday…

 

[puzzleannie]

just to give a hearty “Welcome Home!” to everyone embarking on the RCIA journey, and to give a suggestion: don’t be too quick to judge the class, the director, the materials, the process itself right at the beginning. Give it time. Some of us are coasting right now because we are waiting for the group to “gel” and get an idea of how best to meet the needs of everyone in the class. Part of the process is forming community. Also part of the responsibility of the catechist or facilitator is to prevent disruptive people from taking over the sessions. My guess is that someone who really does not want to be there is not going to last long in any case, so the problem may resolve itself. If not, and if you find yourself in a group with someone who rubs you the wrong way, take it in stride, because you are joining the Church of Everybody, and we are well endowed with people like that–and some of them are even saints!

 

[deborahssong]

Greetings in the Lord!

 I enjoyed reading this blog.  You all have some great insight and biblical I might add. Plus so kind and encourgaing. I have a question for you about this RCIA......may be off the path some but I thought it would be ok.....How do I begin? I have been on a journey for some time now. very active in another denomination. However I was raised catholic. Left the church in 1984. Been very atcive all of these years in leadership!  Love the Lord so very very much. about ten years ago if I were to really look back, I started sensing my heart being pulled back to the church.....then i would move forward and not think about it for awhile....then back my heart would go again.......then back on track and forward. The last few years the pull has been stronger. My hubby is also very active in the church as well. Sings and plays the base......I am a prayer ministry coordinator and a sunday school teacher.  We have had many talks about our catholic roots, mine being very historic in our state!
  My I could go on and on. However what would you say about me going ot RCIA when I get the courage to do this on my own? or do I wait on my husband.....oh my!  My decision will affect many people...however this pulling on my heart is so powerful at times!  Then I ask myself is this the Holy Spirit tugging on my heart....someone respond please...I am sure that someone knows the path I am on as they may have traveled it themselves......what is your (name removed by moderator)ut!!!!! please ......do I do this RCIA thing by myself?  I have asked the Lord to show me and I am listening.......God bless all for their (name removed by moderator)ut.....This yoyoing is very uncomfortable!

Deborah

 

[pippin]

Deborah,

I have been on the path you are on. If you want to come back to the Church, you do not have to wait for your husband. You will be required to give up all your ministries in your current church. If you were Confirmed in the Catholic Church, you do not need RCIA. The first step is to find a Catholic Church near you. Make an appt. with the priest and explain your situation. He tell what you need. It may be as simple as go to confession and get your marriage blessed in the Church (if you weren’t married in the Catholic Church).