Addressing a priest ... Fr. «First Name» VS Fr. «Last Name»

[Holland]

In the parish where I grew up it was always "Father (last name) and still is. In the Diocese where I live now it is Father (first name) and at the local church he would prefer you just call him by his first name without the “Father” as a preface.

 

[LilyM]

Depends on a few things with me -

a) how familiar you are with the priest. Our family friend clergy have always been, for example, Fr Steve and Fr Matt, not even Fr Stephen or Fr Matthew.

And similarly the priests that various family members have worked and socialised with. For the most part they’ve been Franciscans - I wonder if this has something to do with the slightly-less-formal attitude?

b) the priest’s own expressed preference, which can be for a number of reasons. Such as a more difficult or commonplace first or last name. You don’t want to call them by their first name if there would be two ‘Fr Johns’ in the parish as a result, would you?

For the most part I do err on the side of formality with everyone on first meeting, so it’s Father Lastname unless and until corrected.

 

[finalcutjoe]

Most of the priests I’ve met who prefer the “Father Bob” approach have been those who wanted to be “relevant” or “just one of the guys”. I’ve also noticed that the laity who are most comfortable with this form of address are those who tend to downplay the importance of the sacramental priesthood.

I don’t address my physician as “Doctor Tom”, a military officer as “Admiral Willy”, or the local magistrate as “Judge Harry”. It would also seem strange if any of those people addressed me as “Mister Fred”.

It’s a question of respect.

Amen

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Most of the priests I’ve met who prefer the “Father Bob”
.

Maybe it’s just that the priest wants us to feel as part of a family rather than an institution like the Navy?

As far as doctors go, it depends how well you know the doctor.
My friend is a dentist, he prefers that I call him John.

Respect means respecting the wishes of the person you’re addressing. If they prefer Father Bob, it would be disrespectful to ignore his preference.

Jim

 

[finalcutjoe]

Maybe it’s just that the priest wants us to feel as part of a family rather than an institution like the Navy?

As far as doctors go, it depends how well you know the doctor.
My friend is a dentist, he prefers that I call him John.

Respect means respecting the wishes of the person you’re addressing. If they prefer Father Bob, it would be disrespectful to ignore his preference.

Jim

Very interesting how you put that.
The almost tedious formality and unwavering attention to procedure in the military is based partly on their enormous responsibilities.
Hmmm… now that I mention it- the Catholic Church has quite a bit of formality, procedure and attention to detail.
Actually, it would seem to me the priesthood deals with issues far more grave than the military. i.e. peoples eternal souls
I wonder how effective the military would be if they tossed all the tradition and adopted a more ‘touchy-feely’ mentality?

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Very interesting how you put that.
The almost tedious formality and unwavering attention to procedure in the military is based partly on their enormous responsibilities.
Hmmm… now that I mention it- the Catholic Church has quite a bit of formality, procedure and attention to detail.
Actually, it would seem to me the priesthood deals with issues far more grave than the military. i.e. peoples eternal souls
I wonder how effective the military would be if they tossed all the tradition and adopted a more ‘touchy-feely’ mentality?

So you want the church to function according to military protocal?

Besides, I just call my pastor, “faddah.”

 

[maryalene]

When I was growing up, we use to address the priests by their first name – meaning, we would say “Father” and their first name. Then about 20-30 years ago I noticed a change with priests being addressed by their last name (“Father” and their last name).

Anyone else notice this and have any idea why the change happened?

It’s funny that you say this because growing up, we always used Fr. , and I noticed about ten years ago that everyone seems to have switched to Fr. . Personally, I like using the last name because the first name always reminds me of how we address preschool teachers around here (Miss Terri, Mr. Bob, etc.).

 

[maryj]

Street address, zip code, and plenty of stamps that’s how I address a priest. seriously though… all three of our priests go by fr. (first name). Our retired priest is fr. Clem, I always call him my darling father clementine, because he is a darlin!

 

[Lisa_Lavadores]

We call the Pope by what is in effect a first name. He is not Pope Ratzinger, but Pope Benedict. The same for Saints and Biblical personages. We also address them by first name. When a religious changes their name–it is their first name they change and their first name that they are called by.

Thank you, Sister. This is the first time anyone ever pointed this out to me.

I’m a convert and have always heard Fr. Firstname. My godmother says that that’s new in the parish – it always used to be Fr. Lastname. Although part of me is used to the first name, another part thought it would be nice to return to the last – besides showing respect, it has some charm.

But your observation has me thinking. It doesn’t matter too much to me. Like many here, I usually just say “Father,” but at least now I won’t be as worried about a lack of respect when I do put a first name after the title.

One thing that I think will always drive me nuts, though, is the habit of some to just use the first name, not the title.

When I was a non-Catholic, I hated many Catholic doctrines, but part of me was always a little drawn to Catholic behaviors. How frustrating that now that I’m a Catholic, so many people are trying to get rid of the stuff that is not only pious, but fun! Killjoys!

 

[finalcutjoe]

So you want the church to function according to military protocal?

Besides, I just call my pastor, “faddah.”

Far out!
We don’t need no stinkin’ formalities. Don’t even get me started on the baby-killing military (but I Support Our Troops). Thank Gaia somebody understands the true nature of the Church.
Like you said, you’re just trying to be one of the family. Really, there shouldn’t be any difference between Priests, Bishops, etc. etc… and my step brother Larry (liberal larry is what we call him on account of his views, and constant use of glaucoma medicine). Heck, he’s just one of the family- even if he’s not making any sense most of the time- what makes anybody special anyhow?
I mean, what’s with all this ‘your Eminence’, and ‘your Holiness’ nonsense? Some dude comes breezin’ in to the social gathering (some might call ‘Mass’) wearin a funny hat- some peeps might say: ‘Good morning, your Eminence, Cardinal Miada’
I say: “WHAT UP AD-DAM YOU DOG” and give him the palm slap up high. Dig it.

 

[Melissa]

As far as I know, it’s a combination of preference and what leads to the least confusion.

We have three priests (and one who visits often enough that he’s like a fourth) … One priest and the frequent visiting priest are brothers–so if you referred to them as Fr. [Last Name] you would likely get someone asking “Do you mean Fr. [Firstname1 Lastname] or Fr. Firstname2 Lastname]?” So … they both go by Fr. [Firstname].

Then, due to an amazing coincidence, the other two priests share a first name (and it’s not a very common one … though perhaps more common in their generation, I’m not sure). So, they are both Fr. [Last Name].

 

[NoPlaceLikeRome]

At my Catholic college we are blessed with many priests nearby. There is the chaplain, Father B.J. (not his real initials), the young friar, Father Firstname, the old monk Father “Call me by the first name because the last name’s too hard to say”, and the beloved and also fairly old monk who is referred to by pretty much every student as Father Lastname, but whom I have once or twice heard introduce himself as Father Firstname. Most people wouldn’t dare call him by his first name I think, at least not students. I smiled at the sign for our Penance Service with Individual Confessions–we had the two Father Lastnames listed that way, no first names, and then the others were Father B.J. Lastname and Father Firstname Lastname. I like whoever made the sign.

But basically, I usually call a priest what everyone else calls him, or if in doubt, just “Father.”

 

[beckyann2597]

At our parish, all three priests have the same fisrt name. o I call them all by their last name, except one, who took on a middle name(Fr. Joseph Francis LastnamethatIcan’tsay-- we call him Fr.Francis)

One time I was cantoring at a neighboring parish and someone before mass said “Fr Mike will be celebrating Mass today”, so before mass, I went and introduced myself to go over some music stuff with the priest and I siad “You must be Fr.Mike!” He siad, that it was nice to meet me but he could tell that I didn’t know him becuase he prefers to go by Fr.Michael. Now I never call a priest by a name that they didn’t ask me to. I am very forwrd about it and say Hello Fr.Lastname. My name is Rebecca Lastname, but you can call me Rebecca. How do you like to be addressed?

 

[jknits]

My parish is a fairly traditional one, yet our priest goes by “Father Mike.” The priests at the Newman center for IU are Dominican’s and there is a Fr. Bob, Fr. Rich and Fr. Stan. My grandfather is a (retired) priest in the Twin Cities and he would go by Fr. Ron.

 

[Kanda]

We have a Father Firstname and a Father Middle name. It is just what they prefer I think. When I was little, we had Father Lastname and Monsigneur (sp?) Firstname.

I have no problems addressing our main guy and Father Firstname. Actually, it would seem weird to address him any other way, as this is how he introduced himself and what he has always been called.

For example, my dh and I started dating when I was 15 and I went by Kimmy then. Well, I no longer prefer Kimmy. I outgrew it quite a while ago. His entire family still calls me Kimmy though and dh calls me Kimmy. It is how I was introduced to them and it is just how they know me. It doesn’t bother me.

However, at functions he likes to just be called by his firstname, no Father. I can’t do this. I just can’t. It doesn’t feel right.

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

I’m not sure if it was ever made explicit but growing up I picked up the rule of calling priests Fr. Lastname. I do think it’s the more respectful route, and I was under the impression that it is the more traditional route (at least in English-speaking society). The switch to Fr. Firstnames (or just first names) in my area also only happened in the last 10 years. I think it, like much of the other innovation of our time, was well-intentioned but not well-considered because the relaxed protocol feeds into the blurring of distinction between priest and layman and teaches us to forget that the honor we show our priests is actually shown to Christ. (We may also respect and honor the priest as an individual, but the reverence we show him as a priest is directed to Christ.)

Despite greatly preferring Fr. Lastname, though, I think I’ll be very conflicted if any of my close friends becomes a priest because I will want to call him Fr. Lastname but would feel bad about ignoring his potential request for more informal address.