adoption

[Mike2004]

My wife and I are about to start the process of adoption. We have been married 4 1/2 years and have been unsucessful conceiving. We did try some infertility procedures (IUI’s) but they failed. The doctor wanted us to try IVF or have a surragte, but we choose adoption. We now feel if we were meant to concieve children it would have happened by now so that’s why we are adopting. We have contacted our local Catholic Charites and they sent some information and now after some thought, we have to make an appointment to start. We have a few questions that we hoped someone could answer. Should we go through Catholic Charites or someplace else? What should we expect in the process? How long can the wait be?
Please share some personal experiences of adoption.

Thank you.

 

[alaskaaggies]

Mike,

I don’t have any info for you, (I’m sure lots of folks will though) but I just wanted to say thank you and God bless you for your openess to adoption. I was adopted 36 years ago and it was one of the biggest blessings in my life. It truly warms my heart to meet people who have, or are in the process of adopting. As a matter of fact, your post couldn’t come at a better time since my husband and I have decided that we would like to persue adoption as well. So I am looking forward to others sharing their knowledge.

Blessings to you and your wife,
Amy

 

[wisdom_3_5]

Thank you for deciding to adopt! We waited about a month after our last fertility treatment before we started our adoption process.

Will you be adopting domestically or internationally? We adopted two beautiful baby girls from China. The first took, with paperwork, about 14 months. The second took about 16 (SARS was going on over there & travel was affected). We used Catholic charities for our homestudy and post placement visits/reports and Holt International as our international agency.

We have friends who have been trying to adopt domestically for three years now. They are in their early 40’s and want an infant. They made an adoption book and the birth mothers look at them & decide if they want to place their baby with them. They are willing to have an open adoption with the birth parents (something you will need to decide if adopting domestically).
I have another set of friends who just adopted their second daughter (they are younger, maybe early 30’s) through Catholic Charities. I don’t know how long they waited. Their first they got the same month we got our first daughter. but I don’t know when they started the process. They got their second just last Jan. and I know they were still on the list from their first daughter, so between three and four years waiting, I think.

Please PM me if you want to hear more about our adoption experiences.

God Bless you!

 

[Jesus4Me]

I’m sorry that I don’t have any information for you, but God bless you and your wife for deciding to adopt. What a joyous time for you both. May the Holy Spirit guide you to the new love you have waiting for you somewhere out there.

I will pray for you!!

 

[nobody]

We’ve adopted, and if you send me a PM, I’ll write you back with more info.

The internet has a ton of info. There are so many options - domestic, international, infants, OLDER CHILDREN (these really need homes!!), sibling groups, special needs, private, DCFS… It can be overwhelming.

It’s not necessarily true that when you start the adoption process, you get pregnant (didn’t happen with us), so don’t hang on to that hope - it’s not a good reason to start adoption.

My two pieces of advice if you do adopt: expect the unexpected, and PRAY OFTEN.

God bless you

 

[catsrus]

A couple who were friends of mine, married ten years and unable to conceive, adopted one of my grandchildren. I arranged this. The child’s natural parents were unfit and dis-interested so signed the adoption papers without a problem. The entire process took about 8 months and cost $2500.00 in lawyer’s fees.
The child is now 15 and a better senario could not be.
Look into private adoption; that’s what this was and has worked out well for all parties. Less waiting time and less cost.
Good luck and God bless you.

 

[Mike2004]

Thank you all for your thoughts and prays. We want to adopt domesticly and would like an infant. We both think this is God’s plan for us and maybe (only He knows) we may be blessed with our own. We have many more questions to ask. Again I would like to thank all of you. Please keep us in your prays.

 

[Giannawannabe]

If you are open to children of any race, your wait time could be as little as under a year. If you are hoping to adopt an infant of specified race (especially caucasian), the wait time could be quite long 3-5 years, if you are on a waiting list. These days, it is more common to have your profile with pictures on an adoption agency database for birthparents to look at. They may choose you within weeks or months of your profile being placed in the database or it could be much longer. You may also try to locate birthparents on your own through advertising, word of mouth, giving your profile to priests/doctors, etc. With both of the above, you should have a homestudy done first so that you are ready to receive a baby if you are chosen.

From what I understand, domestic adoption for infants, ranges from $8000-$20,000, depending on the state you live in, whether you are open to children of any race, if you have a “direct” placement (i.e. if you find your own birthparents), etc.

I would ask Catholic Charities what type of adoptions they do. Is it direct placement (as above, resulting in less wait time) or do they have a list. I would talk to others who have adopted with Catholic Charities. Attend an adoption support group in your area. Find out who the reputable agencies are. We found Catholic Social Services in our area to be inferior to private adoption agencies. In other states it could be different. The best thing to do is research, research, research, for the best most reputable agency/attorney with references. Find out from other adoptive families what they did for a successful domestic infant adoption.

Remember, it can be done. Many people adopt infants in this country. Persevere and pray. Don’t give up. You are in my prayers.

BTW, we have 3 children through adoption. They are the best, most precious gift we could ever have. Adoption is a difficult, emotional roller coaster, but the reward of having a precious child to share your life with is worth every second of difficulty.

GOOD LUCK:wave:

 

[Giannawannabe]

Mike2004:

Thank you all for your thoughts and prays. We want to adopt domesticly and would like an infant. We both think this is God’s plan for us and maybe (only He knows) we may be blessed with our own. We have many more questions to ask. Again I would like to thank all of you. Please keep us in your prays.

It might be good too, Mike, to make sure your infertility issues are resolved, at least for the most part before pursuing adoption. Remember, if you adopt, those children will be “your own” !!!

 

[Jesus4Me]

Mike2004:

Thank you all for your thoughts and prays. We want to adopt domesticly and would like an infant. We both think this is God’s plan for us and maybe (only He knows) we may be blessed with our own. We have many more questions to ask. Again I would like to thank all of you. Please keep us in your prays.

My husband is adopted and immediate after adopting him they conceived his brother. They had been trying to conceive for several years with no success. In fact, I’ve heard of this happening from others also. I think the theory is that after you adopt you ‘relax’ and then conceive. Either through adoption or naturally conceiving, you are sure to be blessed with children since your heart is open to God’s will.

You will remain in my prayers.