Adult Confirmation classes

[rivera01]

So I’m the Adult Cathechist at my parish. This is the first year that I have done this by myself. Last year a friend of mine was showinf me the ropes, and by the end of the program I was doing the class my self. This year I wanted to start off a little different than last year. So I gave the students a sheet and asked a question. What questions have you had about the Catholic Faith, or what doubts have you had about it that you have not received and answer of? I asked them not to place their names on the sheet and that I would look over them when they were gone, so they can feel more free about writing it down.

I got the typical questions, why arent priests able to marry, why pray to Mary, why confess to a priest, why do we have images.

Then I got this one:
“Why is there so many not what to do’s, why can’t you live with each other (co-habitating) with out it being a sin? Who says this and why do they say it? Why do you have to get baptized, do your fist Communion and get Confirmedin order to be a “good” Catholic?”

When I read this I was like wow! I am not shying away from the questions. But it was immediately obvious that this woman had some issues with the Church. I intend of answering their questions, after all, I was up for the challange anyways, but the thing with this woman is that she and her live in boyfriend are in the class together and both need to get Confimed because they want to get sacramentally married. They arent practicing Catholics at all. I understand that this is my chance to get them back into the Church and to pray for them. But on the other hand I see the side where, if you have problems with the Church as far as what Her teachings are, then why do you want to get the Sacraments?

 

[phoooiee]

So I’m the Adult Cathechist at my parish. This is the first year that I have done this by myself. Last year a friend of mine was showinf me the ropes, and by the end of the program I was doing the class my self. This year I wanted to start off a little different than last year. So I gave the students a sheet and asked a question. What questions have you had about the Catholic Faith, or what doubts have you had about it that you have not received and answer of? I asked them not to place their names on the sheet and that I would look over them when they were gone, so they can feel more free about writing it down.

I got the typical questions, why arent priests able to marry, why pray to Mary, why confess to a priest, why do we have images.

Then I got this one:
“Why is there so many not what to do’s, why can’t you live with each other (co-habitating) with out it being a sin? Who says this and why do they say it? Why do you have to get baptized, do your fist Communion and get Confirmedin order to be a “good” Catholic?”

When I read this I was like wow! I am not shying away from the questions. But it was immediately obvious that this woman had some issues with the Church. I intend of answering their questions, after all, I was up for the challange anyways, but the thing with this woman is that she and her live in boyfriend are in the class together and both need to get Confimed because they want to get sacramentally married. They arent practicing Catholics at all. I understand that this is my chance to get them back into the Church and to pray for them. But on the other hand I see the side where, if you have problems with the Church as far as what Her teachings are, then why do you want to get the Sacraments?

The Hebrew word for “sin” means “to miss the mark.” People who have problems with the teaching about cohabitation may have trouble understanding that there is something better out there. It would probably be of benefit to ignore the idea of what is a sin and what is not, and concentrate more fully on “what is missed” when one does something that is against the Church’s teachings. Most importantly, you might say that these things can be explained away but no one can really feel for themselves why they are important until they actually do them for themselves. Tell them that they must live according to the Church teaching to understand its benefit for themselves. Since the benefits of doing so are really beyond words, there is no way to explain completely without the personal experience- it’s like describing a sunset to a person blind from birth.

 

[puzzleannie]

So I’m the Adult Cathechist at my parish. This is the first year that I have done this by myself. Last year a friend of mine was showinf me the ropes, and by the end of the program I was doing the class my self. ?

God bless you, this is the hardest group to find catechists for, you are a true evangelizer.

We have a standard registration form that includes the proviso that if the candidate is married outside the Church, common-law, civil, or cohabiting they must visit the priest or deacon and start the process to rectify the situation. They sign that they have been given that advice verbally, and information on marital status is part of the registration form. That way they know up front they are not candidates for any sacrament, including baptism, unless and until an irregular living situation has been addressed through the pastoral care of the priest and the Church. The form also states that candidates for confirmation must be in a state of grace, which means sacramental confession of all mortal sins. There are several opportunities for confession provided during the process but we don’t have a checklist, that is not allowed. However, the priest has to sign off on any irregular living situation before they are admitted to the sacrament. Following up on these is actually one of the biggest parts of my job.

My point, your DRE or pastor should be the one to worry about this. Offer to make an appointment for the couple with the priest so he can answer questions specific to their own situation and offer pastoral care. Use that wording, be gentle not judgemental, but in fairness remind them that it is the pastor who decides who will be confirmed, you just teach the class. Make sure you have a session on the sacrament of matrimony, I have the deacon teach ours because he can field those questions better than I.

 

[rivera01]

Thank you, yeah I had told them that they would need to talk to the parish priest about this, but Im gonna take the first step and talk to him as well.

 

[maryharket]

Hello Rivera

 Wow! Funny how some of us like myself are trying are darndest to get confirmation etc while others are trying their hardest to dismiss the truth you are trying to uphold. I applaud you for not backing away from the tough questions. 

 I have seen a lot since going through RCIA and what I've noticed is a lot of people are not looking for the Catholic Church. What they are looking for is someone to agree with whatever it is they choose to do in their lives. They are shopping for "yes". In one of my classes a gal tried to defend an 11 year relationship and 2 kids with her boyfriend and had no intention of getting married. She talked about how much they loved each other etc then she admitted that they planned on lying to their children forever about being married. She was grinning and smiling and I was heart sick for the kids. She said she lied to them about wedding pictures being burned etc. She was fine with it and was very upset when the group leader gently informed her that she could not take any sacraments while in that disordered relationship. Well she turned on her heel and never looked back! 

 And so it goes. People are so used to having choice in a lot of things and want to shop for religion like its an appliance on ebay. They just keep going from one place to the next looking for someone to say that everything is good and nothing is bad so don't let it make you feel bad or like you have censor your responses. Always defend the faith and have the catechism at the ready to be your back up when someone dislikes what you are telling them. The truth is what it is. Thank goodness for that!

Hugs M

 

[rivera01]

I just came back from talking to my parish priest about the situation with the co-habitating couple and he asked me if I could talk to them in his behalf. He basically told me that if I could talk to them about the situation, he would greatly appreciate it. Now, I’m trying to see the sitation postively, because the parish priest only speaks Spanish, and this is an English speaking couple, but I feel that this is going to get ugly.

 

[puzzleannie]

I just came back from talking to my parish priest about the situation with the co-habitating couple and he asked me if I could talk to them in his behalf. He basically told me that if I could talk to them about the situation, he would greatly appreciate it. Now, I’m trying to see the sitation postively, because the parish priest only speaks Spanish, and this is an English speaking couple, but I feel that this is going to get ugly.

my biggest gripe about adult catechesis, particularly RCIA, is that pastors find it so easy to dump pastoral concerns that should by NOMB, as a laywoman, in our lap like this. gripe gripe gripe
that being said, you might find it helpful to find a good book or pamphlet that says what you want to say, that lays out Catholic teaching in an informative, not judgemental way.
ie. this is what the Church teaches about sex and marriage
rather than
you are sinning and I am going to make you stop

most of the publishers who make adult confirmation and RCIA resources have such resources, try the various pamphlets from Ligouri and Our Sunday Visitor (browse their on line catalogs) or Catholic Updates from St Anthony Messenger (you have to order some samples and read them to see if they are what you need). also ask the people doing marriage prep in you parish or diocese for some resources.

You can remind the entire class, without addressing specific cases, that these are the rules for proper disposition for the sacrament (your diocese has particular law or some other source that spells out they have to be in the state of grace). Then invite participants to see you privately with questions.

Above all avoid a scenario where you discuss individual cases in class. Make sure all such discussions are hypothetical only.