Adult daughter want to be a nun...wrong reasons?

[EasterJoy]

Thank you. I was worried that she might be using this as an “escape” from men. However, she’s never exhibited an irrational fear of men. Despite the abuse she has many positive male influences in her life. Several of her closest friends are wonderful kind young men, any of whom I would have been happy to see her form romantic relationships with someday if that was what she wanted. She has had relationships with men in the past and they have seemed healthy. She has very good taste in men, I’ve personally known most of her dates (many she knew in High School and atteneded the same college) and they have all been respectful. She feared that her being depressed would eventually create a burden on the man she married if it did not go away. Now that she is feeling better she has told me that she has not closed herself off to marriage. She feels that if her recovery proves permanant she would have no problem maintaining a sucesfull relationship and eventual marriage, however she feels she needs to make good on her promise and at least consider the possibility of becoming a nun. Right now she has decided to hold off on dating, both to secure her recovery and to help discern, according to what she says.

I am glad she knows her own mind about dating and is following her own sense of herself. That makes it a coincidentally good time to start to consider whether joining a religious community might feel right to her. The sisters will not bar anyone from applying who has dated men recently, BTW, and they don’t allow anyone to rush to profession. It is a long process. It is important that the religious community be positively chosen, and not fled to as if it were a sanitarium.

If you want to find out what the process of discernment is like and how various religious communities might handle your daughter’s particular situation, you might try posting in the Vocations forum. I think they have people there who are well-acquainted with the way things are done now.

 

[MomofConvert]

Thank you all for the advice!

 

[JMJfantoo]

She may or may not have a vocation. Unfortunately the discernment practices of many of the Catholic women’s religious orders be it Sisters or Nuns is lately, in our experience, more cheer leading than discernement. The last two convents my daughter visited she was told within a short time how they were sure she belonged there (and not at other convents). There were appeals to her feminine side to be “romanced by Jesus”. No hard questions, about the only thing that will stop them is if they find out you are under 18, have student debt,medical condition or are older than say 35-health care cost rise after that. You will find this same attitude in many devout Catholics driven by the exodus in religious Sisters over the last 40 years. Many convents have responded by ratching down any contact from family in the first year e.g. Dominicans, 0 days first year only 4 days after that, etc and there after limited contact This is very different from what happens for a young man discerning the priesthood -at least diocesan -been there too) where the family is seen as a partner. The Catholic Church Catechism teaches that lay single, married, and religious are all vocations and one is not holy than another but that is not what some teach in their eagerness to get candidates. So with your daughters background if they don’t have tough questions you can know they are recruiting not discerning and you should be concerned. Prayers.

 

[EasterJoy]

Perhaps we should let the religious orders decide for themselves.

This. She has a sensible plan, which will reveal whether or not she can go off her medications long-term. Let her decide with her health-care providers if it is realistic for her. If she is honest with religious orders about her mental health history as well as other self-disclosures they will undoubtedly ask her to make, they can decide if they think she is a good candidate for their community when the time comes. After all, nobody believes that someone suffering depression cannot live an entirely productive and normal life (whatever that is ), if the condition is managed properly.

There are people who make lifestyle changes and they go off insulin. It is not impossible to believe that someone could have a change of outlook that might so change their perceptions of life that they could go off antidepressants. Of course that is possible.

I would suggest, however, that she treat her depression as one would a reconstructed knee. Be a compliant rehab patient,* listen to the knee rather than fear or stupid self-confidence*, and take care of herself accordingly, one day at a time.