Adult first confession

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timberockacres

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I am currently in RCIA (whcih I live to go to classes) I guess my question is this. We went to the Father of our local Parrish and told him of our history, prior marriage and we’re going through the annulment now, but he threw this hands up into the air and said we sounded like a soap opra.
Do I go to first confession with him, wondering if he is going to do the same… or do I go somewhere else. There are no other Father’s in our Parish or close by as he takes care of two Parrishes.
concerned
 
Hi,

First of all, welcome home. 🙂

It certainly was not appropriate of him to make a statement like that to you and your wife, especially since you are new to the faith. He should have apologized.

In the confessional, however, one would hope that he would be more understanding and kind. Remind him before you begin confession that it is your first confession and if you are anxious or nervous, tell him that, too.

You also don’t have any obligation to go to confession with this priest, either. I’m not sure what track of RCIA you are on right now, but if you are making first Reconciliation together in a group with others coming into full communion in the Church, your RCIA director may invite other priests from neighboring dioceses to hear confessions, giving you the opportunity to go to have confession with another priest.

He may have been having just a bad day. Remember, our priests are men, too, and they need as much of our help and prayers as we can give them.

May God bless you as you continue on in your faith journey to home in the Catholic Church.

Peace.
 
timberockacres said:
I am currently in RCIA (whcih I live to go to classes) I guess my question is this. We went to the Father of our local Parrish and told him of our history, prior marriage and we’re going through the annulment now, but he threw this hands up into the air and said we sounded like a soap opra.
Do I go to first confession with him, wondering if he is going to do the same… or do I go somewhere else. There are no other Father’s in our Parish or close by as he takes care of two Parrishes.
concerned
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Before receiving you into the Church (if you are previously baptized) the pastor has an obligation to know that you have made your first confession just prior to the Easter Vigil. While you can go to confession to any priest, keep in mind that he has that obligation regardless, so the best course of action is usually to participate in whatever confession the parish makes available for RCIA candidates.

Also, keep in mind that while all priest might have “moments” outside of the confessional, during the Sacrament itself priests are much more aware of the sensitive nature of what’s happening and will exercise much more restraint in getting emotional–so it’s not very likely that he will react the same way during Confession.
 
Thank you so very much for helping me here. Yes, we have both been baptized in other churches.
Currently we are in Moral Living and Social Justice. We have been in RCIA classes since September 2008. I have learned so much, and actually, we are thinking about taking the classes again to catch all that we may of missed. (have not missed any classes though).
I do believe that during Lent they are going to be bringing in other priest to help hear confessions. Not that our RCIA class is so large, there is actually me and my spouse that has to go through the First Confession at this time. Two have not been baptized as of yet. Thats it for our class. Small, yet better I think. Learn more and have the chance to ask more questions. Even though I don’t want to go through First Confession, I know it is a part of healing for me. We also will be redoing our marriage vows at some time in the near future. Want everything to be right. Again, I thank you very much.
Timber Rock Acres
 
I joined the RCIA class at my local catholic church having been being baptized in another faith, but attending the church with my wife, who converted some years ago, and our children who are baptized Catholics.

After a lot of apprehension, I made an appointment to see Father face to face to confess the sins that I could remember after examining my conscience using a guide I found on the internet. Father (using a guide of his own) guided me the confession and made what I perceived was going to be extremely difficult, bearing in mind some of my past sins were mortal sins, relatively easy although there were some extremely uncomfortable moments. At times I sensed that Father did not approve of my prior actions and lifestyle, he listened attentively and offered me advice and guidance on how to overcome previous vices I had.

The confession took over one and a half hours and I was glad and a weight was lifted off my shoulders when it was over. I am really glad that I went as I was forgiven of my past sins and have done the penance I was assigned by Father to atone for them. I am also glad that I went for a face to face confession as I concluded that if I did these sins, then I should be man enough to confess them face to face with Father.
 
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Thanks for sharing. I too have used the internet and all books that I can find to assist me with this First Confession. My question to you I guess would be this How did you remember the penance that he assigned to you for the past sins?? This is one of my biggest fears is not remembering what he says to do.
Thanks,
timberockacres
 
Hang on a minute. I’m not sure that first confession can be done with the questions regarding validity of marriage. I don’t think you can receive that sacrament of confession while you are in a current invalid marriage. Or you are living in such a way that is not potentiallyviolating any of God’s laws. You need to speak to either the RCIA people or the priest. You probably have to wait until the annulment comes through. Hopefully it will.
 
Hi,
I have another example. My old parish was approached by a Lutheran, protestant minister, he had divorced his first wife and had now a new one. They wanted to become catholic, after all u would think that the man could do some courses and become a deacon. They were not allowed into the church, reason what I heard; for validly baptized people, their marriage is also sacrament. With this man, the first marriage would be the only valid one in the eyes of church, and as such he could not be received to church whilst he was still ‘in the state of sin’ no annulment is known in Lutheran church I think. What they did was to become Russian orthodox in stead, they remarried in that church and he is now an orthodox priest. Anyway so that would also refer to u having some problem with this prior marriage issue. Consult someone u trust, from RCIA group or the priest about this. Ok? 👍
 
timberockacres said:
**
Thanks for sharing. I too have used the internet and all books that I can find to assist me with this First Confession. My question to you I guess would be this How did you remember the penance that he assigned to you for the past sins?? This is one of my biggest fears is not remembering what he says to do.
Thanks,
timberockacres
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I went prepared with a pen and paper handy just in case I needed to quickly jot down anything I was requested to do before I forgot. Father briefly explained the required penance and immediately confession was over, I jotted the requirements down. That’s how I remembered.
 
My suggestions are:

If one of your RCIA sessions hasn’t yet focused on the sacrament of Reconciliation, ask your RCIA leader if one is coming up. Informally talk with your sponsor about the sacrament. Your RCIA leader might be willing to talk with you privately sometime.

If you and your wife are still having relations, ask your pastor or RCIA leader for a private meeting, to explain to you why the two of you shouldn’t be prior to a decree of nullity being granted.

If you and your wife are abstaining, keep praying, keep loving her, and only go to Confession when you’re truly ready. Usually, Candidates don’t go until the Lenten season, and I suggest you go at least twice. But if you’re not abstaining, you’re not yet ready. A priest cannot absolve you of your sins unless you’re truly remorseful and don’t want to recommit them.
 
timberockacres said:
Thanks for sharing. I too have used the internet and all books that I can find to assist me with this First Confession. My question to you I guess would be this How did you remember the penance that he assigned to you for the past sins?? This is one of my biggest fears is not remembering what he says to do.
Thanks,
timberockacres
Click to expand...
When in the past I couldn’t remember my penance because I was caught up in the moment I simply asked the Priest to repeat my penance right before leaving the confessional. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering after the absolution because I was focusing on the words of absolution.

Don’t let any harsh words the Priest says bother you, you can’t expect to have warm feelings for every priest you meet. Listen to what he says and prayerfully try to learn what you can from him in case God is speaking through him. If he is rude that may just be a personality flaw, that doesn’t mean that God’s not trying to use him for your sake.

I have had to deal with the rudeness before. I always respect their office and who they represent, but sometimes still feel offended.
 
Hang on a minute. I’m not sure that first confession can be done with the questions regarding validity of marriage. I don’t think you can receive that sacrament of confession while you are in a current invalid marriage. Or you are living in such a way that is not potentiallyviolating any of God’s laws. You need to speak to either the RCIA people or the priest. You probably have to wait until the annulment comes through. Hopefully it will…This does pose some interesting questions. They can have thier first confession, but as so they should be living right now as brother and sister. Why, because there’s a chance the ruling may come back that their first marriages are valid. You have to presume your first marriages are valid till it is proven otherwise. That’s what an annulment is. And if the annulment dosen’t come back before Easter Vigil and you are having relations, you can’t recieve communion. Because the church has to presume you are in a state of adultery. What if the church rules that your first marriage is valid, are you prepared to live as brother and sister the rest of your lives?
 
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From what I understand, as of yet, there are no problems with the proceidings with the annulments. Yes, we do know that our First Communion can not be made until after 1) annulments are final and 2) we re-do our vows in our local Parrish. This we can deal with. We have talked about what would happen IF the annulments did not go through. But, our Father keeps telling us he sees no reason why they wont. We also know that they will be asking for money to help pay for the annulments. Hopefully the amount won’t be too much. Guess there, we will continue to pray and go on. We have talked about First Confessions and our Father wants to meet with us one on one before this takes place. Which I do like. But as far as living like Brother and Sister for the rest of our lives… not so sure about that one. Time will tell. Mine is in court now. My wife’s last witness statement was sent out like two weeks later. We started the proceidings way back in June/ July 2008. He/ Father said it should all be over with before our First Confession, but I’m not so sure. Its been a long time. We have also heard that our ex-spouses did cooperate and so did all our witnesses. Which was a shocker within its self. Please pray for us so that all will end well/ if not that we can deal with what ever the outcome is.
Thanks,
Timberockacres
 
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