Adult needs help with Mom

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I am 27 years old and my mom has pressured me into entering business deals with her that have left me without a car and 40k in debt. This has been going on for years and business doesn’t seem to be getting better.

I got a new job opportunity and she acts like she is okay with it but then says things like “it was nice knowing you” and “maybe the business will do a lot better without you”. Then she called me up and cussed me out for not wanting to work for her at the last minute.

She is not always like this, she can be really nice to me when I do what she wants me to do. Certain times though if I upset her she will cuss me out, hit, or kick me.

She also gave me a lot of grief about going away for college and I came back right away because I felt so guilty. She said her life would fall apart without me and her life was so much better when I was born.

She goes to mass and confession regularly and prays the rosary every day.

I don’t know what to do. I am extremely uncomfortable with the amount of debt I have considering I have been working my tail off.
 
That your Mom is nice when you are doing what she wants isn’t sufficient reason to accept being emotionally black-mailed when you wish to do what is just and right for your own life.

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church

2230 **When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family. **

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a4.htm

Your mother may exert great pressure but it isn’t right for her or you for you to allow her emotional blackmail to work.

May God give you the courage you need to begin you own life with determination and respect, creating just boundaries and not giving into unfair and unloving pressure from anyone.
 
Take the job and do not regret it or look back for one minute! You are an adult now and entitled to make your own life decisions. Your mom has no right to use or guilt trip you into doing what she wants and she certainly has no business cussing you out or hitting you if she does not get her way.
 
I didn’t notice the 'kicking "you by your mother. That’s physical abuse. There is also emotional abuse in your mother’s treatment of you. If you cannot see this for what it is then you perhaps need someone outside your mother and you to counsel you. You are accustomed to submitting, but you are recognizably an abused person.

Perhaps such sites as these might help you find your voice and strength?

voices.yahoo.com/10-signs-passive-aggressive-parents-you-7215560.html

janebluestein.com/articles/challenge.html
 
Cursing at you, hitting you, and kicking you is never acceptable. I’m sure your mother is a lovely lady, and I’m not passing judgement, but it really sounds as if she is using you, as well as physically and emotionally abusing you, intentional or not.
 
You are in an abusive relationship, and given that it has escalated to physical abuse, I encourage you to seek help. There may be a local agency that helps victims of abuse and will offer free counseling; you’ll have to do some research on that but please at a minimum talk with your priest.

On a more personal note, I am so very sorry. Others have given you great advise so I won’t repeat it, but you are an adult and no longer need live under your mother’s influence or abuse. You are free! Make decisions that reflect your freedom.

I have had some similar experiences as what you describe. I do not want to say much, except that I have been able to break free from my mother and have worked hard to set very firm limits and boundaries. She has very little influence in my life now and we have a very surface relationship. I am very protective of my heart and psychological well-being. I wish very much I could have a close relationship with my mother, but she has set the tone for the relationship and I have had to adjust accordingly–so I protect myself.

I wish you the best–please accept my very heartful blessing and hope that you can break free from this influence and live a life of freedom.
 
Seek counseling, preferably from a Catholic or Christian counselor. The debt / finances are only symptoms of a deeper problem. It has probably been going on for a long time.

Good luck.
 
GCCatholic said:
I am 27 years old and my mom has pressured me into entering business deals with her that have left me without a car and 40k in debt. This has been going on for years and business doesn’t seem to be getting better.

I got a new job opportunity and she acts like she is okay with it but then says things like “it was nice knowing you” and “maybe the business will do a lot better without you”. Then she called me up and cussed me out for not wanting to work for her at the last minute.

She is not always like this, she can be really nice to me when I do what she wants me to do. Certain times though if I upset her she will cuss me out, hit, or kick me.

She also gave me a lot of grief about going away for college and I came back right away because I felt so guilty. She said her life would fall apart without me and her life was so much better when I was born.

She goes to mass and confession regularly and prays the rosary every day.

I don’t know what to do. I am extremely uncomfortable with the amount of debt I have considering I have been working my tail off.
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You are a grown man for crying out loud. Tell her to suck eggs and go out on your own. :eek:
 
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