Adult siblings and jealousy

[LoveMercyGrace]

Any advice for situation concerning adult siblings where one is jealous over another and then planted seeds in the other that have sown anger towards the parent.

Said another way, the jealous older one- jealous over the relationship between parent and younger sibling- planted seeds so the younger sibling is now angry with the parent.

These are adult children. The seeds planted have now grown into big tree. I wonder if there are others here who have experienced this?

I think the only thing to do is… to pray.

And to not fall into the trap of feeling hurt discouraged negative. or trying to “fix” it. rather just pray over these situations? And accept the Lord’s purification…

 

[EasterJoy]

If you do not have direct knowledge of motives, try to keep that out of this. There has been too much leaping to conclusions as it is, even in the sketchy scenario you pose. You are also not describing a simple Good Child/Bad Child situation, so drop that. If there is not more to this than you imply, both children have wronged the parent, not just the “bad” one.

If the younger is guilty of rash judgment and acts of retribution over a perceived but nonexistent offense on the part of their parent, they bear the responsibility for their sin against the truth and against mercy, and not just the sibling who is guilty of the detraction and calumny that was the near occasion of the rash child’s sins.

If someone believes a vicious lie and does not want to hear the truth or if someone telling lies is confronted about it and will not recant, there is not much you can do about that. If, OTOH, you know someone has believed a lie but has had no one tell them the truth or someone is lying and no one has admonished them to repent and tell the truth, then what circumstance frees you from advocating for the truth?

It seems that something is being left out here.
(Are you the wronged parent, perhaps?)

 

[Allegra]

My advice to the people involved is to grow up and my advice to the people who aren’t involved is to stay that way. There’s no point in getting involved, since it will only be seen as taking sides.

 

[EasterJoy]

My advice to the people involved is to grow up and my advice to the people who aren’t involved is to stay that way. There’s no point in getting involved, since it will only be seen as taking sides.

It is very true that it is pointless and sometimes counterproductive to “toss pearls before swine” since all you will get for your trouble is for those pearls to be “trampled underfoot” and to have the swine turn on you. That is a point well-taken.

Having said that, the truth deserves to be defended by those in a position to defend it. It is a spiritual work of mercy to admonish the sinner. If you know someone is guilty of rash judgment, calumny, or detraction, and you do not take reasonable steps to defend the truth and admonish the sinner, you fail in your duty towards truth and love.

IOW, the question is not whether saying something might cause you suffering. The question is whether or not you know what you are talking about and whether or not it is reasonable to believe that saying something in a particular way–which does include avoiding things such as ascribing motives that you only suspect and do not know–at a particular time to a particular person will accomplish any good.

Allegra, you are right about this, though: This is a situation where fools rush in where angels fear to tread. A person ought to be very careful about stepping into the middle of something like this, because they could make the situation worse. Like the physicians are taught, so it is here: First, Do No Harm. That doesn’t mean nothing can be done, but only that the person stepping in ought to examine themselves and what they intend to do before jumping in to be the hero, lest they only become another sad casualty.

 

[Phil_Marinus]

This is an example of humanity in all it’s Glory…
It says even in the Bible that Brother will turn against Brother etc…
I’m sure someone will tell where it is…
But in this situation there’s not much you can do except try show the positive side of each
and try to be as neutral as possible, because when mud fly’s you always get some.

 

[Allegra]

It is very true that it is pointless and sometimes counterproductive to “toss pearls before swine” since all you will get for your trouble is for those pearls to be “trampled underfoot” and to have the swine turn on you. That is a point well-taken.

Having said that, the truth deserves to be defended by those in a position to defend it. It is a spiritual work of mercy to admonish the sinner. If you know someone is guilty of rash judgment, calumny, or detraction, and you do not take reasonable steps to defend the truth and admonish the sinner, you fail in your duty towards truth and love.

IOW, the question is not whether saying something might cause you suffering. The question is whether or not you know what you are talking about and whether or not it is reasonable to believe that saying something in a particular way–which does include avoiding things such as ascribing motives that you only suspect and do not know–at a particular time to a particular person will accomplish any good.

Allegra, you are right about this, though: This is a situation where fools rush in where angels fear to tread. A person ought to be very careful about stepping into the middle of something like this, because they could make the situation worse. Like the physicians are taught, so it is here: First, Do No Harm. That doesn’t mean nothing can be done, but only that the person stepping in ought to examine themselves and what they intend to do before jumping in to be the hero, lest they only become another sad casualty.

Outsiders are also very likely to be getting their information from one source and therefore don’t really have the information to make a judgement of right and wrong in the situation.

 

[EasterJoy]

Outsiders are also very likely to be getting their information from one source and therefore don’t really have the information to make a judgement of right and wrong in the situation.

True, but we have no idea how far “outside” the OP is! For all we know, it is the mother, the father, or one of the other siblings! It could certainly be someone who knows the facts every bit as well as those spreading the divisive rumors, and perhaps even better.

Still, mere anxiety about the strife is a bad reason to get involved. The urge to “do something” very often stirs up the waters even worse and only gets everyone mad at the one who intended to “help” by getting involved, you are right about that!

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Insecurity turning into jealously tempted by evil.

So, dealing with satan’s temptations in which we do the following according to Jesus’ and our Mother Mary’s teachings;

Pray as much as possible for the situation (The Holy Rosary most powerful at least twice a day) asking for Jesus to flow His Divine Love, Wisdom and Healing through the Adult Children enlightening, educating and reassuring them both in His Ways and Holy Scriptures.

In the meantime, I would be leaving a Bible with a Holy Rosary Card in each Bible marked at one of Jesus Acts of His Apostles directly relating to jealousy.

No ‘Parent’ will ever get it ‘right’ with our Children; we brought our Children through by God our Heavenly Father and all of us have done the very best we could in given circumstances, pressures, rollercoaster obstacles overcoming them!

Allow both Adult Children to learn how hard it is as Parents, doing nought for them, in order to teach both of them how much you have Loved and provided for them during their Lives.

The ways in which each will realise is time spent away from both of them until Healing has taken place and Jesus’ Light" has dawned in each of them.

Keep busy next time they both want things done for a few weeks or months and dedicate your time to those most unfortunate who are grateful for your Love and Giving ways.

 

[LoveMercyGrace]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Insecurity turning into jealously tempted by evil.

So, dealing with satan’s temptations in which we do the following according to Jesus’ and our Mother Mary’s teachings;

Pray as much as possible for the situation (The Holy Rosary most powerful at least twice a day) asking for Jesus to flow His Divine Love, Wisdom and Healing through the Adult Children enlightening, educating and reassuring them both in His Ways and Holy Scriptures.

In the meantime, I would be leaving a Bible with a Holy Rosary Card in each Bible marked at one of Jesus Acts of His Apostles directly relating to jealousy.

No ‘Parent’ will ever get it ‘right’ with our Children; we brought our Children through by God our Heavenly Father and all of us have done the very best we could in given circumstances, pressures, rollercoaster obstacles overcoming them!

Allow both Adult Children to learn how hard it is as Parents, doing nought for them, in order to teach both of them how much you have Loved and provided for them during their Lives.

The ways in which each will realise is time spent away from both of them until Healing has taken place and Jesus’ Light" has dawned in each of them.

Keep busy next time they both want things done for a few weeks or months and dedicate your time to those most unfortunate who are grateful for your Love and Giving ways.

Bless you for a loving and insightful reply - for responding to His grace/ Thank you!

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Glory and Honour are all Jesus’ and Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus’ LoveMercyGrace; before The Holy Rosaries prayed daily I have been also asking for Jesus and Our Holy Mother Mary’s Love and Wisdom flowing through with His advice.

Praise be to Thee Dear Jesus Christ our Saviour and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus.

However, it is important to note that we all learn from every piece of advice offered by our Sisters and Brothers whether we think at the time someone else’s advice in relation to the situation may be on the mark therefore important to give everyone’s suggestions a go!

 

[LoveMercyGrace]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Glory and Honour are all Jesus’ and Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus’ LoveMercyGrace; before The Holy Rosaries prayed daily I have been also asking for Jesus and Our Holy Mother Mary’s Love and Wisdom flowing through with His advice.

Praise be to Thee Dear Jesus Christ our Saviour and Dear Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus.

However, it is important to note that we all learn from every piece of advice offered by our Sisters and Brothers whether we think at the time someone else’s advice in relation to the situation may be on the mark therefore important to give everyone’s suggestions a go!

Yes. Not responding to someone who has taken the time to reply…ummm, .my intent in original post was generic- a no personal details kind of post- hoping someone would just simply reply to the situation if they had similar experience or knowledge.

Many were forming various conclusion, and not necessary really, to reply.
well the nature of anxiety, being what it is, took over- and then the resulting shut down.
I was so grateful to read just a reply!
but** I thank all of you who did take the time**. its all good.
Blessings~

 

[LoveMercyGrace]

This is an example of humanity in all it’s Glory…
It says even in the Bible that Brother will turn against Brother etc…
I’m sure someone will tell where it is…
But in this situation there’s not much you can do except try show the positive side of each
and try to be as neutral as possible, because when mud fly’s you always get some.

“It says even in the Bible that Brother will turn against Brother” -

I starting looking up passages: Matthew 10: 34“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35“For I came to SET A MAN AGAINST HIS FATHER, AND A DAUGHTER AGAINST HER MOTHER, AND A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AGAINST HER MOTHER-IN-LAW; 36 A MAN’S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS HOUSEHOLD.

Jesus’ sword? Truth. Love.

Now I see… how we should respond to mud flying

  37“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38“And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39“He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." NASB

Oh, this also I think a factor in situation. my conversion.
Glory and praise, Jesus is Lord.
Mary, Mother of God, pray for us.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Any advice for situation concerning adult siblings where one is jealous over another and then planted seeds in the other that have sown anger towards the parent.

Here is mine

Said another way, the jealous older one- jealous over the relationship between parent and younger sibling- planted seeds so the younger sibling is now angry with the parent.

’
The older one is very unhealthy and manipulative and should never be trusted. I would avoid this person like the plague. The younger one should be politely told once and only once ‘perhaps before believing what others say ask your parents and believe what they say’. Then let her do as she wishes. The parents should be told once and only once ‘Perhaps explain to the younger one you never said that’ and then let them so as they please

These are adult children.

Since everyone in this situation is an adult, all the more reason for an outsider to stay out of it

The seeds planted have now grown into big tree. I wonder if there are others here who have experienced this?

Not really

I think the only thing to do is... to pray.

Exactly

 And to not fall into the *trap* of feeling hurt discouraged negative. or trying to "fix" it. rather just pray over these situations? And accept the Lord's purification...

Honestly, if you feel anything other sadness that people are hurting or joy that they are happy, you are falling into being controlling. If you do manage to help these people fix things, it is NOT a feather in your cap to brag about. And if they don’t work it out, there is no reason to feel discouraged.

 

[Bklynguy]

Any advice for situation concerning adult siblings where one is jealous over another and then planted seeds in the other that have sown anger towards the parent.

Said another way, the jealous older one- jealous over the relationship between parent and younger sibling- planted seeds so the younger sibling is now angry with the parent.

These are adult children. The seeds planted have now grown into big tree. I wonder if there are others here who have experienced this?

I think the only thing to do is… to pray.

And to not fall into the trap of feeling hurt discouraged negative. or trying to “fix” it. rather just pray over these situations? And accept the Lord’s purification…

I haven’t personally experienced this. I have a brother and, while we didn’t get along very well growing up (I am 8 years older than him), there was never any jealousy between us. I think part of this is a credit to our parents–they never showed partiality. If they did have any feelings of favoritism, they didn’t show it.

My wife, however, has experienced this. Her younger brother is highly favored over her despite the fact that he doesn’t work, never really accomplished anything, lives with his parents at 27, and pretty much plays video games all day even though he has $100K+ in student loans. My wife, on the other hand, has a husband, family, and has given her parents two grandchildren. Yet, they still favor him.

In short, there is really nothing you can do but live your life. If you are overcome with these feelings, you can also talk to a therapist.