Adults making new friends

[litllulu]

I am having trouble making new friends as an adult. I spent all my time with my ex-beau. There is no local church groups or anything. I have been trying to chit chat at the gym and I am even taking a pottery class to try to get to know people. I will be talking to people and they will answer their cells and make plans right in front of me. It seems at a certain age everyone has their groups already and don’t need anymore friends that they have. Tell me, how does the rest of the world make friends after highschool/college/workplace etc.

 

[lotusblossom]

Have you tried online, such as catholicmatch.com? I found a few friendships from there . Also, my husband and I go about 30-45 minutes outside of where we live to find friends that are Catholic and it’s been a VERY slow process…as an adult, I can say it is more difficult to form friendships, but I would give it time. If you talk to these people and find something in common (such as a hobby) then maybe you can invite them to go out to do something relating to that (ie. craft shows, concerts, a new Thai restaurant that is in your area).

You’ll be in my prayers!

 

[litllulu]

Have you tried online, such as catholicmatch.com? I found a few friendships from there . Also, my husband and I go about 30-45 minutes outside of where we live to find friends that are Catholic and it’s been a VERY slow process…as an adult, I can say it is more difficult to form friendships, but I would give it time. If you talk to these people and find something in common (such as a hobby) then maybe you can invite them to go out to do something relating to that (ie. craft shows, concerts, a new Thai restaurant that is in your area).

You’ll be in my prayers!

I thought those Catholic match things were for people looking for romantic relationsips? I think it is much more acceptable for a man to ask a woman out that he barely knows, rather than a woman asking another woman she barely knows out for a drink or coffee.

 

[masondoggy]

I am having trouble making new friends as an adult. I spent all my time with my ex-beau. There is no local church groups or anything. I have been trying to chit chat at the gym and I am even taking a pottery class to try to get to know people. I will be talking to people and they will answer their cells and make plans right in front of me. It seems at a certain age everyone has their groups already and don’t need anymore friends that they have. Tell me, how does the rest of the world make friends after highschool/college/workplace etc.

I have the exact same problem. It doesn’t help that I’m a SAHM who doesn’t get out very much, and I’m shy around people I don’t know.

I don’t have any answers, but your not the only one.

 

[kage_ar]

You might take another look at your Parish.

There is a very small town where we visit. The Parish has one Mass each week, with about 30 people. It is the smallest Parish I’ve personally known.

They have a Wed evening Rosary/prayer group, RE classes on Sunday, coffee & donuts fellowship, a community service volunteer group - all of these are listed in the bulletin.

I’d be willing to venture that there is more going on at your Parish than you realize - just because it is not called “young adults meeting each other to be friends” group, don’t rule the groups there out. I promise you, the Parish needs volunteers! Call the office, they will be happy to help you find a place.

 

[lotusblossom]

I thought those Catholic match things were for people looking for romantic relationsips? I think it is much more acceptable for a man to ask a woman out that he barely knows, rather than a woman asking another woman she barely knows out for a drink or coffee.

Mainly, it is, but it is also for friendships too! They have message boards like these and I met some wonderful females in my area as well as males (and I did not meet my husband on this site!). Plus, they have events up for areas all over, so you can find things that might be a little bit of a hike, but completely worth it, if you’re looking for great Catholic friends. Do you live near a big city or a college campus that’s relatively good sized? Those two things can help in seeking out friends.

 

[litllulu]

I have the exact same problem. It doesn’t help that I’m a SAHM who doesn’t get out very much, and I’m shy around people I don’t know.

I don’t have any answers, but your not the only one.

Im glad that I am not the only one in this situation. Its just that I was thinking if someone ever threw me a surprise party of anykind no one would show! What a terrible thought! It is difficult being a little on the shy side. As an adult, you can’t go up to people and say, “Can we be friends”

 

[kage_ar]

My friends come from my Parish volunteer work and from my neighborhood.

 

[masondoggy]

Im glad that I am not the only one in this situation. Its just that I was thinking if someone ever threw me a surprise party of anykind no one would show! What a terrible thought! It is difficult being a little on the shy side. As an adult, you can’t go up to people and say, “Can we be friends”

LOL, I can only imagine the scenario! I’m sure you’d get some dirty looks!

 

[Em_in_FL]

Tell me, how does the rest of the world make friends after highschool/college/workplace etc.

So are you out of the workplace right now?
What are your daily activities?
Are you ever involved with other people on a regular basis?

We keep up with a lot of personal friends from high school, college, and the workplace… and with family in town too it can make for quite a BUSY social life!
Not all of our friends are Catholic… but I believe our presense in their lives can be used as a witness of the faith. We do not choose to force our faith on others… but just our presense can have an effect. What I’m saying is, you don’t necessarily have to have only Catholic friends.

But, if you are feeling lonely, I’d look at more activities in your parish. Not only prayer groups, but volunteer opportunities. And if your parish is rather dry, then contact your diocesean office. Chances are there are LOTS of volunteer opportunities that can lead to socialization.

But the truth of the matter is… YOU have to be proactive in making friends. Ask THEM out for coffee or to dinner or to a movie! Make it an open invitation… “hey, wanna go try that new restaurant sometime?” Start a discussion. It can be hard, but also very fulfilling to have friends!

Good luck and God bless!

 

[mchale]

Just a thought. While the idea of taking a pottery class or going to the gym might lead to new friendships, the basic problem is that both seem to be rather hit and miss. I.e., lots of people just go to the gym to work out, and the pottery class doesn’t force interaction with other people. I would follow some of the recommendations about volunteer work. I have also found that some hobby activities are more likely to be social than others. You would be suprised at how talkative amateur astronomers can be . The same goes with amateur musicians. In both cases, being involved makes you part of an inside group with semi-arcane knowledge not held by most other people . Granted, these might not be your cup of tea, but I am sure ther are other hobbies like them out there.

–
Bill

 

[Meggie]

At age 22 the best way I’ve found is voulenteering with youth groups. One of my frends are a 29 yo. who’s also single and we both help with the youth group in a small town.

You could also try continuing-education programs…I like that idea.

Work is an OK place to make friends. I tend to like to keep my good work friends (people I like to work with) out of my personal life. I think its just good that way.

And finally you can start something, or find someone to start something with you at your church. Have the priest advertise a 22-30 yo bible study, or outdoors trip, or game/movie night. Like a self directed youth group. You may or may not meet people…but it still could be fun.

 

[shirleytowers]

Same problem here. I have always had friends before I moved to this town ten years ago, now I got zilch. I have kinda friends, but no real friends, good friends I have lots in common with.

I am not sure I would have time for friends, anyway, but I really do miss it.

 

[the_phoenix]

Same boat here.

Oh, and I’ve tried the parish volunteering thing … in fact, I’m a parish volunteer now … and the Donut Sunday thing that they had at my last parish was a complete waste of time even though I’ve gone more than once and made sincere efforts to be outgoing and friendly. As for my new parish, I absolutely love it for its orthodoxy and plan to stay where I am for that reason.

My best friend (who amazingly still IS my friend at this point after the pro-life witness I felt that I needed to make at her church luncheon last year) is a pro-choice Liberal Democrat Methodist, and believe me, that’s not the most comfortable situation in the world, since I’m a pro-life Conservative Republican strongly-loyal-to-the-Pope Catholic!

So I spend lots of time alone on adventures travelling with my camera and seeing the world … I’ve learned that my time after Mass is far better invested in going outdoors to do landscape and nature photography than it is attending Donut Sunday type events. If that sort of thing works for others when it comes to meeting people, good for you.

Too bad some of us people here at Catholic Answers Forum didn’t live closer to each other. God’s Will that we don’t, for whatever reason.

This year, meanwhile, I’m hoping to professionally sell some of my photos.

~~ the phoenix

 

[Meggie]

voulenteering with teens is different than simply serving becuase it takes alot of support of eachother

 

[SMHW]

I am having trouble making new friends as an adult. I spent all my time with my ex-beau. …] Tell me, how does the rest of the world make friends after highschool/college/workplace etc.

It’s been my experience that the friends I’ve made as an adult have been a side effect of pursuing some other goal. I think I seldom found friends as a result of directly looking for them. I met a few friends at college but I don’t reallykeep in contact with them any more. I made some friends at work but I remember being pretty lonely when I went home at the end of the day. However I still keep in occasional contact with some of those early work friends.

The place I think I made the most friends was in my church choir. However some of those friendships took years to develop. But singing in the choir was/is a passion of mine; making friends was not a goal. But I eventually met people who likewise loved music and my Catholic faith. The great thing is that some of the aquaintances/friends have been my age and some have been much older or younger.

The one thing that strikes me is that you used to spend all your time with your ex-beau. That makes me suspect that you didn’t spend as much time as you might have doing things that interested you personally. You may not even know what interests you. It’s not clear to me whether you actually LIKE making pottery or if it’s just something to do.

My suggestion is to figure out what you care about. It doesn’t have to be a Catholic activity but chances are that you will meet Catholics, or at least Christians who share similar values who are also interested.

If you don’t know what interests you then get on the internet and start checking things out. There are web sites and forums for just about any topic. They’re not friends in the same way one makes friends in real life but you may at least find someone to ‘talk’ to.