Advice about loneliness and spirituality?

[katholicchik]

Hi there,

Not sure if I need better hobbies or a stronger prayer life (or both).

I’m an extrovert who stays home with my kids. I have joined so many different groups, moms groups, women’s groups, things through school / kids schools etc and while I am active and regular in meetings and generally interested in forming bonds with people I cannot get a deeper friendship going. I try not to push it. I’ve done the opposite, tried to offer details into my life and be vulnerable. I’ve stuck with various groups for years now and joined and left lots of church / city programs and yet I’m hopelessly lonely.

My hubby works 6 days a week, 12+ hours, and comes home to fall asleep on the couch. I am on social media but while there are upsides it’s teasing / starving me for something real and I often find myself frustrated and fighting (or just being snarky) on threads with people I’ve never met or will meet, in heated debates I never sought out but somehow got sucked into.

Someone just blasted me for saying it wasn’t abuse for a dog to have fleas. I’d never want a dog to have fleas, but they literally said I shouldn’t be a parent because I was heartless over my comment about my dog having fleas.

My question is what is wrong with me? Spiritually? Otherwise?
I shouldn’t engage in stupid STUPID STUPID internet arguments and yet I do. And it doesn’t feel like pride to be right, it feels like I’m just trying to interact and make conversation and have a good debate for fun (I am an ENTP personality).

Do I totally give up Facebook / twitter when they are the only contact I can seem to manage outside the home? I will but I see myself being so much more lonely. It isn’t a mater of putting myself out there because I do. Often. I try to engage and be friendly and yet idk no one has the time.

Is there something I should be doing? I want to go to daily mass but get the stink eye for trying to with rambunctious children.

I try to always say a daily rosary and talk to God, confession etc though I feel spiritually immature for some reason. I’m not dumb and honestly I know everyone deals with pride but it doesn’t seem like I’m not willing to offer God everything. My priest in the confessional is rather hard on me and I get the impression he thinks I am not willing to surrender my all to God. But I’m willing–it’s just the process. Where do I begin? Why do I feel so alone and disoriented? I’m stressed and have a temper and don’t know what I should do.

What practical advice can you suggest? I feel like closing off and retreating from people and to give up joining / being around anyone. It doesn’t seem worth my effort.

How cut off can I be before my kids drive me absolutely insane for real?

What do I need to be doing to get over my temper and self interest?

 

[Mummsie]

I had very similar feelings when I became a member of our church. Everyone seemed to have someone and they all seemed to belong. I thought I had very little in common with them. I was the outsider. My spirituality was in about the same place.

I slowly began getting involved with parish ministries and projects. As soon as I put my priority on something / someone else, fellowship began to happen. During a renovation of our church we realized we didn’t have enough money to refinish our pews. After many meetings and discussions, about 10 ladies decided to take on the task of stripping and sanding the pews. I can’t tell you how much I learned about these ladies and how barriers seemed to melt away. When the project was finished, I had found a best friend. I also learned we all had become much more loving and trusting of each other. An absolutely awesome experience.

So, my suggestion would be to join in a project / ministry at church where you can give yourself over to God’s work.

BTW, I continue to struggle with that pride and submission issue. I’m trying to remind myself several times a day to ask God what he wants me to do. That seems to help me stop putting myself as #1.

This is all part of our journey. We’re not alone. Jesus is walking beside us.

God Bless you.

 

[ethereality]

I do think the internet has served to divide us socially, that it is an example of technology that we don’t yet understand how to integrate into our lives. (Electricity would be another example, hence we stay up too late and are sleep deprived.)

Life is hard. I recommend limiting your time online – and if you want to argue with someone, do it “in person”, which can include webcam over the internet. I think people are more inclined to actually think about what someone is saying when it’s a real conversation instead of arguing on a web forum.

If there’s not enough social opportunities in your city, you might start a group for a topic that interests you, and see about renting a room from the community center, etc.

 

[ynotzap]

Is there a possibility that you may be trying to escape your family and home environment at least temporarily? Do you experience having a lot of nervous energy? Being very active can lead to a lot of dissipation and accomplish nothing. A moderate amount of diversion is reasonable, even doing something like exercising, walking, riding a bike which can even help you make the day successful. Sound body, sound mind. Raising a family can be very draining on the nerves and energy, and some recreation is necessary to maintain health and perhaps sanity Not having the help of a husband, because he is so tired is a handicap in remaining calm, cool, and collective especially with energetic kids, and their problems. Yet this is your primary vocation before God. I think you should balance your time (if allowed) with your family duties and some healthy diversion, not necessarily joining groups. Make a few good friends and if possible spend some quality time with them. Also do some spiritual reading and praying. It reminds me of Martha and Mary with Jesus. Martha complained that Mary was not helping her, and Jesus said Mary had chosen the better part. Martha’s part was good, but Mary’s was better. Martha did a lot of worrying about activity, Mary was enjoying conversation with Jesus, both are necessary, but one is better. Mary represents the spiritual, Martha represents the physical activity. Avoid spending too much energy on too many activities, you need to find quality time in peace and profitable activity, avoid dissipating activity that accomplishes little. And pray for some help in this area. God bless you.