Advice and prayers for my 12 year old daughter

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Hello everyone. I have a 12 year old daughter who from the time she was an infant I’ve raised to love Jesus and pray, both when I was a Protestant and still with her mother and now as a Catholic. She’s been baptized and had her First Communion. Lately she’s been struggling with prayer. She says it feels like God is silent, almost like He’s not there. I’ve told her that sometimes God is silent and that we have to keep praying through the silence, since prayer is really more for us than for God, since He knows our hearts and our innermost thoughts. I’ve reached out to the adult education director at my parish and she’s spoken with my daughter a few times and my daughter feels encouraged again for a while, then she’s back to where she is now. I’m sort of at a loss for what to suggest. I know prayer can be an exercise in faith and patience… I find myself dozing during prayer and I have to stop my mind from wandering. It’s tough. But what do you tell a young person who says it feels like God isn’t there? She says sometimes she asks herself if God is even real and then she gets angry at herself because she knows that God is real and that she shouldn’t think such things. Any advice is welcome.

Thanks!
 
This sounds very normal. As kids grow, they start to question stuff–which is necessary; if they’re going to make their faith their own rather than just something their parents have told them, they need to work through their own doubts.

Probably the best thing you can do is help her get a sense of perspective–meaning, point out how deceptive our feelings can be. I “feel” a lot of stuff that doesn’t correspond to reality! The feelings are real and affect me, but it’s great to be able to separate out “I feel X” from “X must be real.” Tell her not to get mad at herself for asking whether God is real; faith is not never having doubts, nor is it “feeling” the right things. And be ready to listen to her more than you talk to her–advice I have trouble with, sometimes!

And of course keep praying for her.
 
Try not to keep harping on it.
You taught her, the person at your church talked to her.

Let her figure it out, with your guidance from time to time
 
JayCL said:
… She says it feels like God is silent, almost like He’s not there.
… But what do you tell a young person who says it feels like God isn’t there?
…
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There are various qualities of individuals, for example striving, imaginative, emotional, willful, intellectual, etc., so some may be expecting a particular form of response of that type, yet the Holy Trinity may not respond that way, but certainly responds supernaturally through grace.
 
Today is the feast day of St. Teresa of Avila… a perfect time for this conversation! Teresa herself wrote about her prayer being dry, unanswered, and that God was basically ignoring her. She learned eventually (and to the benefit of all of us!) that she wasn’t right. Maybe a simplified version of her story would help.(I say simplified, because despite the fact that I routinely read “heavy” academic research papers, I find Teresa’s valuable writing a challenge most of the time.)

At 12, I’d also say the best thing you can do is set an example and maybe point her to other examples as well. Pray together, but also share what’s happening with your prayers. “You know, I’ve been praying for dear so-and-so to get better from their illness, but it’s no looking up. Maybe God’s got another plan. Would you pray with me for understanding?” (I don’t know…just an example that came to mind.)

If you’re fortunate enough to be within a day trip of a religious sisters’ community, the elder sisters often welcome guests and pen pals. They could be wonderful guides for your daughter in terms of some honest sharing and discussion of the sometimes challenging role we have communing with God.
 
Last 4 years ago, I was also at her age— I found myself dealing hard with the Catholic people, its Doctrines, and its teachings, especially placing statues of saints. I found myself dealing hard with God wherein I started to doubt Him. It made me the sickest and least version of me when I chase Him away from my life.

It’s normal for us to doubt God. It was His Will so we can know Him more. And she was lucky because she has a parent like you to guide. I would tell a young person (and the younger me) That God gave us many wondrous things. Be thankful that you can breathe, eat, walk, sleep, hear, do anything, and live. You’re capable of doing such things that other people can’t. Remember that God sent Jesus to save us and let us keep in mind the apparitions and miracles of Mama Mary too, in which, we had felt that there’s a God because there’s a miracle in life.

Please be patient in spreading our faith because God is working in His Holy Will. You’re blessed that God has chosen you before anybody else and God is working with you. We will pray for her and ask God for enlightenment. 💗 💗 💗
 
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Sometimes I think it’s useful to mix up prayers and add in new things. For example, praying the rosary alone is different from praying it with other people. Taize prayer is beautiful if you can find it anywhere during these times. The Liturgy of the Hours is beautiful and again, different alone then with a group. Adoration (if ylu can find it these days ) lets you simply be in God’s presence. Try out different things and see if some of them click with your daughter.
 
She seems like maybe she’s made some headway on her own. I made an appointment to speak to our parish priest next week as well so she can get his (name removed by moderator)ut and have him pray with her. I told her that St. Teresa of Ávila struggled with the same stuff and I’m going to read further into that so I can put it in age-appropriate terms. She’s a bright 12 year old, but I want to make sure she’s grasping what I’m presenting to her.
 
@JayCL Pray for your daughter as her father to help her through this dryness of faith. Ask the lines of communication she once had with the Lord is renewed. Pray to Our Lord for guidience in helping her. Pray for spiritual protection over your daughter and family.

Another thought, has she recently been to confession? Perhaps talk her through Examination of Conscience to ensure she is in a State of Grace.

Sometimes God tests our faith, staying firm and strong in prayer and trusting God completely.
 
I am experiencing a similar issue. A child of mine has been praying for years for something that is highly unlikely to happen (his mother hasn’t called or written in many years due to a mental illness).

He’s prayed thousands of our fathers and tens of thousands of hail mails and has experienced no change). That’s led him to a spot where he could think ‘prayer doesn’t work’ or a spot where he ‘prays more’. Neither is quite ideal.
 
It isn’t easy, and it’s certainly not what we want at times, but this is a perfect example of a situation where we need to remind ourselves and teach our children that prayer is about transforming us more so than persuading God; it isn’t really about asking for what I want, but instead I should be letting God know how I feel and asking for grace to better understand His will if my wants aren’t aligned. It can be a bit of both, but Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane even had to say, “not my will but yours.”

It can be a challenge for all of us, especially younger kids, but it makes our prayer life better. Maybe it goes something like this:

“Dear God, I miss my mother and would like nothing more than to hear from her. If it’s part of your plan, please let it happen soon. If it’s not, help me understand why and how I can process the grief I’m feeling from her absence in my life. Show me how to live the way you want me to with this situation.”
 
My daughter and I were talking the other day and she brought up the idea of “journaling” or writing-down her prayers since she finds it much easier to focus on writing than on “thinking” her prayers or speaking them out loud. I told her that since God knows our innermost thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams, etc that I didn’t see why that wouldn’t be okay. I know prayer is an exercise in discipline and faith that God will hear us and answer, so I can’t see why God wouldn’t be able to follow her prayers as she writes them down rather than verbalizing them. Any thoughts?
 
Sometimes listening is more effective than talking; and by that, I mean active listening, which involves questions.

Tell me more.
How does that feel’
How do you think God might answer
Have you ever felt like God answered

And etc.

Obviously she is talking with you and is upset about it. But rather than trying to “solve” the issue, it might be more helpful to let her speak, in a guided questioning.
 
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