Advice for dealing with parents, please

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coralewisjr

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NOTE: I love my parents a lot. I pray for them every day and send them an email at least twice a week.

My parents swear, and my two teenage brothers swear. Mom smokes and she’s an alcoholic who knows she has a problem and hasn’t taken the appropriate steps to help herself yet. DH and I have a baby in my belly. Do you have any advice for making/asking my parents & brothers to stop swearing (or at least not while they’re around Baby)? Do you have any advice for getting Mom to not smoke when she’s around me (especially while I’m still pregnant - I’m due 9/25) and Baby? Her drinking doesn’t bother me anymore; she doesn’t pass out or any of that. Please pray for DH, Baby and my family. Advice is welcome. God bless you!

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
Thanks. Peace be with you SG! (“May the force be with you.” LOL)

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
CONGRATS! First, the swearing. When the baby comes along, simply saying “remember, there are little ears listening” when a word slips out should get the habit in place.

The smoking, put a no smoking policy in place in your house (if you have not) - simply ask her to smoke outside “for the baby”. At her house, have you asked her not to smoke around you while you are pregnant? If she refuses, step outside every time she lights up. In the car? Simple, drive yours - again, no smoking in the car rule. Most smokers will respect other’s - especially children.

Relax - be kind, and it WILL work out 🙂
 
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kage_ar:
CONGRATS! First, the swearing. When the baby comes along, simply saying “remember, there are little ears listening” when a word slips out should get the habit in place.

The smoking, put a no smoking policy in place in your house (if you have not) - simply ask her to smoke outside “for the baby”. At her house, have you asked her not to smoke around you while you are pregnant? If she refuses, step outside every time she lights up. In the car? Simple, drive yours - again, no smoking in the car rule. Most smokers will respect other’s - especially children.

Relax - be kind, and it WILL work out 🙂
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Thanks. One thing that really bugs me about Mom’s smoking is that she used to be anti-smoking…when she saw drivers toss their cigarette butts out the window she would make comments like “they should pick those up and eat them” and now she litters with her cigarette butts, too! Please pray really hard for her as she needs to drop the smoking and drinking for her own health (and for my dad and brothers’).

When DH and I visited my parents and brothers for Easter, my brothers took God’s name in vain in addition to other swearing. I would finish their sentences when they did that (example: “God!” “…is good!”) Mom got tired of that so she told me to give it a rest. (thanks for helping me raise my brothers as Catholics, Mom! grr) Please pray that my brothers will stop swearing, too. Hopefully the sight of a cute little baby will sober them a bit.

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
You can’t change other people. You can change how much time you spend around them and what rules you have in your own home. —KCT
 
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KCT:
You can’t change other people. You can change how much time you spend around them and what rules you have in your own home. —KCT
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your first sentence is SO TRUE!
yay, I have my own home now and I rule the roost (with DH, of course)…I’ve been thinking about putting a sign on the door like this:

Modest Dress Only
No Smoking
No Swearing
No Alcoholic Beverages
Praise the Lord!

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
If it’s smoking, you have every right to ask the person to stop if you’re pregnant. Even if it’s your parent. Swearing is a bit more delicate matter, which probably means it can’t really be solved in a delicate way. 😉 Again, you’re more in your right when asking someone to stop swearing when kids are present. If your brothers are teens, they should do as the elder sister says.
 
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coralewisjr:
NOTE: I love my parents a lot. I pray for them every day and send them an email at least twice a week.

My parents swear, and my two teenage brothers swear. Mom smokes and she’s an alcoholic who knows she has a problem and hasn’t taken the appropriate steps to help herself yet. DH and I have a baby in my belly. Do you have any advice for making/asking my parents & brothers to stop swearing (or at least not while they’re around Baby)? Do you have any advice for getting Mom to not smoke when she’s around me (especially while I’m still pregnant - I’m due 9/25) and Baby? Her drinking doesn’t bother me anymore; she doesn’t pass out or any of that. Please pray for DH, Baby and my family. Advice is welcome. God bless you!

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
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Rule #1 You cannot control or change the behavior of others

Rule #2 You can only change or control how you respond to the behavior of others.

Given that…

For the swearing…nothing you can do except express your dislike for it while asking them to stop it, but only once. The choice to respect your wishes is in their hands once you’ve made the request.

When my children were younger they’d visit their aunt/uncle/cousins. In that household swearing was commonplace. After our visits hubby and I would reinforce to the children our disappointment in that family for swearing as they did, reminding them it is disrespectful and will never be tolerated in our home. We love the family dearly and that’s why it saddens us so to see such rudeness. We asked how they felt when their cousin would mouth off to his mom and they both said they didn’t like it at all. To this day rarely a swear word is used in our home.

While you are pregnant you do not go to your mother’s house. The air in the house and everything in it will be somewhat toxic from the residue of her smoking whether or not she smokes in your presence. Your mother is always welcome to visit you in your home, provided she does not smoke in your home. She can smoke in the car on her way to and from your house. She can step outside for a walk if she needs to have a smoke during her visit. The choice to spend time with you in your condition rests on her shoulders, not yours.

As for her drinking, I would reconsider your comfort level with that. It may be fine for you, but remember, you are bringing a young child into this world. Do you want your child to spend time at grandma’s house if she’s drunk (but not passed out)? Set the rules for the drinking similar to those of the smoking now while you’re still pregnant. Stick to the rules during the entire pregnancy so your mother has several months to work up the courage and resolve to meet your guidelines after the baby is born.

That’s my 2 cents.

Peace be with you and your family. You will be in our prayers.
 
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YinYangMom:
Rule #1 You cannot control or change the behavior of others

Rule #2 You can only change or control how you respond to the behavior of others.

Given that…

For the swearing…nothing you can do except express your dislike for it while asking them to stop it, but only once. The choice to respect your wishes is in their hands once you’ve made the request.

When my children were younger they’d visit their aunt/uncle/cousins. In that household swearing was commonplace. After our visits hubby and I would reinforce to the children our disappointment in that family for swearing as they did, reminding them it is disrespectful and will never be tolerated in our home. We love the family dearly and that’s why it saddens us so to see such rudeness. We asked how they felt when their cousin would mouth off to his mom and they both said they didn’t like it at all. To this day rarely a swear word is used in our home.

While you are pregnant you do not go to your mother’s house. The air in the house and everything in it will be somewhat toxic from the residue of her smoking whether or not she smokes in your presence. Your mother is always welcome to visit you in your home, provided she does not smoke in your home. She can smoke in the car on her way to and from your house. She can step outside for a walk if she needs to have a smoke during her visit. The choice to spend time with you in your condition rests on her shoulders, not yours.

As for her drinking, I would reconsider your comfort level with that. It may be fine for you, but remember, you are bringing a young child into this world. Do you want your child to spend time at grandma’s house if she’s drunk (but not passed out)? Set the rules for the drinking similar to those of the smoking now while you’re still pregnant. Stick to the rules during the entire pregnancy so your mother has several months to work up the courage and resolve to meet your guidelines after the baby is born.

That’s my 2 cents.

Peace be with you and your family. You will be in our prayers.
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Excellent advice! Thanks.

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
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