Advice for finding a girl

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Hey there, I am a teenage guy who is trying to live faithfully and find a girlfriend/ future wife. Here are some issues I’ve been dealing with. Appreciate if you could help.
  1. People don’t respect my efforts to maintain chastity, think it makes me weird or super innocent (turn off)- a lot of guys watch porn and masturbate- I have managed to go four months without porn currently and am fighting against masturbation
  2. I hardly know ANY girls who practice their faith well, and the very few that do I find unattractive
  3. People say to go to Church events to meet Catholic people, but the girls there usually seem to not be athletic/ into sports (these girls just aren’t my type)
  4. There are many girls I find attractive, and I have a huge crush on one girl in particular, but as far as I know she is not religious. Is this bad, or can I still pursue a relationship, as I find her very beautiful and am willing to do what it takes to lead a healthy relationship.
  5. A lot of guys have girls by now, which frustrates me, because I work hard on my masculinity both physically and spiritually, and the types of girls I like always seem to settle for the wrong kinds of guys. I don’t want to feel lonely.
 
If you are jn high school it’s not the most important thing to get a girl friend and most likely who you date in high school you wont marry although it is possible. Nothing wrong with getting to know different girls even if they arent the most attractive or Catholic just to have friends of the opposite sex and maybe come to know what you are looking for.

I don’t think there would be anything wrong with dating a non Catholic as long as you agree early on on boundaries and the purpose of the relationship.
 
My best advice is just to be patient. You’re only a teenager, you have plenty of time ahead of you.

Get to know the girls at your church better, just as friends. Even if you don’t find them attractive, it’s good to have more friends 🙂 It’s okay to get to know non-Catholic girls as well. Don’t judge yourself on what other boys your age are doing, because then you will never be happy. Do what’s right for you.
 
Hey man, why not look into sports at Catholic High School? Or Catholic Sporting events at your Church? That way you can meet Catholic girls who are athletic.

Don’t worry about guy friends getting girlfriends . Mine did too before me but I’m glad I waited for right one. My guy friends ended up making mistakes since they rushed it. I learned it’s better to take the time and meet the right girl than rush it and end up with wring one.

And the porn stuff , check out Matt Fradd videos on YouTube he’s great. He has great suggestions on that
 
When you think about it pray with it in mind.

Go to Mass at least once a week. If you feel struggle go more. The Lord’s primary plan involves the Eucharist.

You’ll find the girl you want to marry at Mass, going to Mass like you. She believes in Jesus, she believes in the Eucharist. She takes chastity and grave matter seriously. She might not be there yet, she might move to town, she might be at a different parish now, you’ll enter her orbit, she’ll enter yours, and it will be Mass that will help you concentrate on God’s plan for your life as you discern and pursue marriage.

She’s looking for you. She may not know it but she is looking for you too. And she is going to Mass. Go to Mass.
 
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I´d definitely be interested if it weren´t for the fact that you probably live in the US - which is a nice long 8 hr flight from where I live.
 
Yes,I know what you are talking about,because I am going through the same.There are a lot of beautiful girls(and they are even good persons),but are catholics only on paper,rarely go to mass,and they wont for sure Save the sex for the marriage(I dont judge them to BE clear).Its hard because it seems Like you cant find the mix of both-Catholic girl and the girl you like.We need to be patient and ask God to send the right one at right time.
Praying the rosary with that intension will be Great and benefical.
 
OP, it seems to me that perhaps you should use this time to get your desires under control, and as Matt Kelly says “become the best version of yourself.” You may want to read his book. Your post reads like a list of things that are wrong with other people. Look inward and fix yourself before trying to find the right person for yourself. The right girl might just be out there, but you are not ready to meet her yet, despite what you want. As a teenager, you need to focus on school, and your future, so that when you do meet the right girl, you have something positive to offer.
 
I suggest abandoning yourself to God’s will, asking only for knowledge of it and the strength to carry it out. He’ll bring you the right girl at the right time.

And finding the wrong girl at the wrong time is a real drag. Trust me…
 
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This one is hard to realize until you’ve already found your way past it:
Those who are most desiring of ‘having friends’ are the ones who will have the hardest time finding them. Those who are the most desiring of ‘being in a relationship’ are the ones who will have the hardest time finding one. You may not realize it but pursuing people with the above motivation is a form of objectifying and using them. You wouldn’t want the kind of relationship you’d get if you found one that way.

Instead, focus on being a good friend and a good you. Learn those sacrifices you can make for others and what compromises you can’t make. Learn what sacrifices others can make for you and what compromises you can’t let them make.

Loneliness is painful but, speaking from experience, it may be something God is calling you to for a time. If so, he has a purpose in it. He won’t leave you there forever.
 
How old of a teenage guy are you?

The reason I ask is because I I am curious if you went through confirmation yet. I converted at about 28 to Catholicism. I did not get married until inturned 34. I am often amazed Everytime I see the teens going through confirmation. I always see, literally, dozens of pretty teenage girls and I always think that the only way a boy could not get a date with at least one of them is because he was too scared to ask anyone out. And the teens have to be around eachother throughout the whole confirmation process. I often wonder if I had been a cradle Catholic and gone through confirmation as a teen, if maybe it would not been as hard for me to get dates as a teen.

Of course, I live in a good sized city so there are a decent amount of families at my parish. But, have you gone through confirmation yet? How about a youth group at your parish? Does one exist?
 
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Best advice tbh. What I was advised a while back is this except im not in school anymore, but still relates very much. Preparation for something great, not good to jump the gun if we have desires without God molding us first.
 
If you are a teenager, focus on teen things. Friendships with many people.

Are you part of your Parish Youth Group? Do you attend Diocese Youth events? Do you attend a Catholic High School?
 
A girlfriend in middle-school should not be a priority. This life period is transitional by necessity. Someone you “go out with” now will almost certainly not be in your life in the next academic year.

Concentrate on your sports, your school, and your prayer life, sacraments, and penance (not per se in that order!) By so doing, you won’t have time to “be lonely.” Use your school life to cultivate friendships in both genders. You have time for female relationships.

Remember that many young males have girlfriends because they, the girls, or both, are willing to indulge more (sexually) than you have chosen to.

And don’t worry so.much about attractiveness. You aren’t looking for a wife at this stage!

ICXC NIKA
 
First, as a teenager, you don’t have to find a future wife now. Some men are able to marry young, if that is your situation, well, that’s fine to search for a spouse, but if not, no need to rush. What would you do if you have to wait for 10 or 12 years in the relationship until you are ready to get married? And not to mention the chastity question.
  1. Continued to fight temptations and to grow in chastity.
    People can be very rude to people who wish to maintain chastity, but it is only a hard time to pass. When you will be older, you will able to pursue your life without all the harashment that a high schooler can have. Avoid the people who harm you, and turn on people who have a positive impact on you.
  2. Some said that there is nothing less attractive than a devout person… But you only need to find one attractive, not all. And physical attraction does not do all. You can find someone attractive after seeing common point with her etc.
  3. Many regular church goer girls are not found of sports. If you want a sport woman you need to search her elsewhere (online, in sport club etc).
  4. It is not always bad to have a non religious spouse, but not an ideal. Two people need to work on a relationship. If you are willing to followed Church rules (including on sexuality) but not the other person, it would be very difficult or impossible. don’t idealized to much someone.
  5. Loneliness can be a good step. You can grow to search a woman not only to gap your loneliness, and take whatever you found, but make a smarter choice.
Really, take time to live your life. Your wife may not fill the current criteria that are important for you now.
 
very beautiful to say that.
When I was a teenager, we were much more girls than boys.
The majority of us didn’t have a boyfriend.
Certainely lack of opportunities (boys who are not interested), and because many want much more than a “boyfriend”, but to wait for a husband.
 
Hang in there. You want a rare and truly good thing; truly good things take TIME. The physical side of romance & marriage is fun, but most of your relationship is like a “best friends” relationship. You can DAILY work on being a better and better friend, and as you grow in that capacity to unconditionally love on that “just friends” level, you will be growing in your capacity to be a good husband. I married at 39; she was 37. I had waited; so had she. She was only the 2nd woman I dated. We both passionately follow God. Success in getting lots of dates does not necessarily translate to getting into a great marriage. Following God and putting him first in every part of our lives does - it worked out AMAZINGLY well for my wife & I. “Seek first the kingdom, and all these things will be added…”. God wants good for you more than you do!
 
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everybody has good things to say. also remember that the image of the family is one of satan’s prime targets in today’s society. sounds like you are doing really well for someone so young. strive for whatever God desires for you rather than settling for something less than. there is also a freedom to being single you might end up missing if you rush into a relationship
 
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