Advice? Hard time being "in this world, not of this world"

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returninghome31

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Hello! I’m wondering if anyone has good advice regarding how to actually embody what it means to be “in” this world but not “of” it. I have recently returned to Catholicism (born and raised, then fell away) and having a VERY tough time balancing this out. I know it takes time but I want to start somewhere and I feel like I keep failing miserably. Here’s one example: I love to drink and have a good time, but I don’t think I glorify God when I do. I tell myself I’ll have only one, but then one becomes two, etc. Clearly, I’m struggling with a mix of self-discipline and FOMO (fear of missing out) and I don’t really have anyone around me who is a practicing Catholic either. And I’m really tired of people rolling their eyes at me when I try to express what I’m feeling with this matter. The fact that I’m female, single, in my 30s and living in a superficial party city does not help.

Figured I’d try my luck here. Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, how did you change your ways? Any advice would be appreciated. Hope to hear back!
 
It means not embracing the sins of the world, but seeking God first in all things.

We live in the world and are part of it. You can not detach yourself from this reality, nor should you.

However, as Christians, we do not attach ourselves to the sinful lures of life, i.e. pornography, gossip, war, etc.

Jim
 
returninghome31 said:
love to drink and have a good time, but I don’t think I glorify God when I do.
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Drinking is not a sin though getting drunk is. You may glorify God by being a good example. You can go out, drink, enjoy yourself and not get drunk.
 
For me, it was a lot of cutting off of social ties especially.

I’m not saying I have the only way of going about it though. Without knowing at first, I’ve journeyed into a semi-solitary and consecrated life. Not everyone is called to do this… and at this point, I’m so ignorant of actually “being” in the world to give advice on trying to live with the kind of balance you’re searching for.
 
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My wife and myself didn’t have to cut our social ties with others.

When we became Christians, they cut us off from themselves. 😉

Jim
 
Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it. I guess my main issue revolves around self-discipline and finding a way to be social without getting sucked in. I lose focus very easily. :-/
 
Being social with other’s is part of being Christian.

Jesus socialized with sinners and tax collectors.

Don’t be an “in your face,” Christian, but present yourself as a friendly person who is also a disciple of Jesus Christ. They’ll notice and go home thinking about their own relationship with God, or lack of.

Jim
 
Acts, chapter 2:

They were all astounded and bewildered, and said to one another, “What does this mean?”

But others said, scoffing, “They have had too much new wine.”

14
  • Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice, and proclaimed to them, “You who are Jews, indeed all of you staying in Jerusalem. Let this be known to you, and listen to my words.
    15
    These people are not drunk, as you suppose, for it is only nine o’clock in the morning.
Notice, Peter did not say “these people are not drunk, as you suppose, because Christians do not drink!”

He said we are not drunk because it is only 9 in the morning!

A drink, or a few drinks, is not a sin. To drink until one loses their ability to know right from wrong is sinful.
 
returninghome31 said:
I tell myself I’ll have only one, but then one becomes two, etc.
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If you can’t stop at what you said you’d stop at, or at the very most, what you said you’d stop at +1 drink, I would be concerned that you actually have a tendency towards alcoholism.
If that’s the case, this may be a biological issue and not a religious one.
I’d suggest you just stop drinking entirely for a while, like a few months.

This is not because I think drinking is wrong - I like to drink from time to time and have fun with my friends - but because you are saying yourself that once you get started, you’re finding it hard to stop, and you need to get a grip on that and figure out how to have fun without a drink in your hand. I myself might drink a few beers with my friends, or I might drink cokes all night with my friends who drink beer and still have fun. Have done both things, many times.

If you can’t have a good time without drinking, then you definitely have an alcohol problem and possibly a problem with the type of people you are selecting for friends.
 
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I wish I could, but I’m not Jesus.

Besides, the monastic movement started because Christianity became too common and easy once it was lawful. Then people moved to the desert or lived in solitude, in order to “die to the world”. Since the church didn’t have martyrs at this point, this was the best we could do outside of that. That’s what “mortification of the flesh” comes from. To deny oneself and your attachments to this world, to be like a living martyr.
 
When someone you very much love dies, it’s pretty easy to be “in this world but not of it” for a while.

Love has gone to some other world

You’re still stuck in this one
 
returninghome31 said:
Figured I’d try my luck here. Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, how did you change your ways? Any advice would be appreciated. Hope to hear back!
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First, I think it’s fine to be in the world and to enjoy yourself and have a good time.

The thing is, I’m not sure you’re really having a good time. It feels like you want to be closer to God, because He will fill the emptiness in your life, but since that’s proving difficult to do, in the meantime you’ll settle for trying to fill it with a few more drinks.

Start by trying to reach out to new friends and new activities, preferably through your church. It doesn’t necessarily mean not drinking (though if you can’t have a drink without getting drunk, that is something you need to look critically at), but maybe finding activities that don’t revolve around drinking. Join the choir or a service ministry. Find an outlet.

Soon these other activities will start filling you in a way partying and drinking can’t, and you’ll feel less pull to the party life.

Hope that helps.
 
It’s also likely that somebody not wanting to party makes them feel guilty about their own habits. If they were secure with their own choices, they’d say, well come on anyway and you can drink soda all night.
 
I found that rigid military discipline, constant academic achievement, and 3-5 hours of calisthenics each day helped me over that hump.
 
I am just curious.
Is the OP close to the Catholic community where you live? Is there anyone in real life (friends, family) that you can share your faith with?
 
Thank you all for the feedback! It’s all very helpful.

I most definitely am not an alcoholic, that I can say for sure. I am very much capable of staying away from alcohol, I just like to have fun and in the moment I sometimes go beyond my preferred limit (which really isn’t much). Perhaps, I came across more dramatic than it actually is. Sorry if I did! What I struggle with is balance, if that makes any sense.

@casslean - You are right! I’m really not having such a good time at the bottom of it all. It’s all just meaningless, superficial fun.

@Lost - No, I’m not near/part of a Catholic community where I live, which is part of the problem. I seriously need to find a good one. I just moved to Miami and it’s been tough adjusting here. I do attend mass every Sunday, but this particular church doesn’t have much of a singles community. :-/

Thanks again!
 
Ok. I wish you luck with finding a place that suits you. And finding friends that can share your belief/morals. Don’t lose hope. Who knows, you might be able to convert a few people you know later in life into Catholic, by your good example.
 
Last night, I just talked with my pastor about living as a convert and Catholic in our country. It is expected of us, as Catholics, to protest to anything that is not according to Church teachings that people talk about in the staff room or if there is something on the news there will be a Catholic opposing the “mainstream agreements”.

Engaging other people to think through their reasoning and seeing the consequences is needed as a lot of people haven’t been taught to reason properly. I find it very fascinated that a lot of people actually listen to the reasonings but unfortunately most of them are stuck in their ideas or don’t want to face that they would have to change their way of living if they agree openly to the teachings.
 
That’s really interesting about what is expected of Catholics in your country.

Catholics in USA are more expected to just be nice and not rock the boat. Actually that’s true of most religions. If someone brings up a loaded subject in the staff room, employees are expected to perhaps change the subject to the weather or just excuse themselves and leave.

P.S. Happy cake day!
 
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