T
tygirwulf
Guest
I need some advice about what to do. I have gotten myself into a bad situation, against the advice of my parents. I hope this is the right subforum to be asking about this.
This is gonna be kinda hard for me because it will show just how stupid I’ve been, and I don’t like being stupid, or looking stupid. Hindsight is 20/20, but honestly, I should have seen the trouble coming a mile away.
Last year I met a man, a single father of two kids. We hit it off pretty well, we were both new to the Faith, had all kinds of ooey-gooey feelings, you know how that goes. I was living in TN at the time, I met him in Florida in person, and we talked online and on the phone quite a bit. I was preparing to move back to Missouri, where I’m originally from.
This man was down on his luck. He had lost his job and his home, and was living in a friend’s house. He had no transport and his friend worked so it was hard for him to get anywhere. He had a babysitter watch his kids during the day while he worked (he walked). He is an orphan, so has no family to help him. Soon after I met him, his friend kicked him out of the house, and he literally didn’t know where else to go or what to do. He seemed like he really just needed a chance to get his feet under him enough to save some money to buy a car and he’d be good as gold.
Soo, I come in, and offered to help him move to Missouri, and watch his kids for him while he was at work, especially since he tended to work only night shifts. I figured watching his kids was mostly going to be putting them to bed before I went to sleep myself, and I’d be able to work during the day. He was wary of this offer, saying he did not want to be stuck in a strange state if we broke up, and I swore an oath to him, invoking the name of God and my own honor, I would not abandon him even if we did break up. He finally agreed.
So last summer, I helped him move to my area, and slept at his place while he was at work, so someone would be there for his kids at night while he was gone. Things went alright at first, stressful with the move and getting set up, etc. But it never eased off. He got verbally abusive, yelling and screaming at me for not doing housework, or not coming to take him to work at the right time (not necessarily late), or for about any excuse he could think of. He started calling me a liar, weasel, backstabber because he claimed I had said things and made promises I never did, and “forgot” them to mess with him. Things of that nature.
His night shift job didn’t last long, and really the only thing available for him was an evening shift job. So now I go to work, get off, take him to work, watch his kids, and at night I bring him home before going home myself to go to bed. His work schedule means I have no time to myself, I cannot meet with friends when they get off work, I can’t go to afternoon Mass at campus, I only get about an hour between taking him home and me going to bed.
I broke up with him a month ago. But what do I do? He has no car, no reliable way to work, and kids to support. I take him to work and bring him home and watch his kids in the meantime. He doesn’t make enough to hire a babysitter, and he’s slowly saving to buy a car but isn’t there yet. He’s stopped being verbally abusive towards me since I broke up with him, that’s a bonus, but really, not being yelled at is bare minimum of what I expect of anyone I have anything to do with.
My friends are pushing me to just forget him, even knowing I swore an oath upon God’s name I wouldn’t just leave him hanging out to dry. They tell me I owe nothing to someone who treats me with no respect, and that after seven months he really ought to either be able to stand on his own or have met other people who could help him. They also point out that in his mind, nothing has really changed. Whether I say I broke up with him or not, I’m still acting much the same way I did when I was with him. And they tell me his children are not my responsibility, that regardless what I promised him, he still chose to move here himself. I certainly don’t want anything to do with him, as being friends with him is impossible.
The only thing I have to say to them is that I swore I wouldn’t leave him hanging. Only one person has said anything positive about my continuing to watch his children, but then she added “that reflects well on you only as long as he isn’t taking advantage of your generosity.”
So, what would you do?
This is gonna be kinda hard for me because it will show just how stupid I’ve been, and I don’t like being stupid, or looking stupid. Hindsight is 20/20, but honestly, I should have seen the trouble coming a mile away.
Last year I met a man, a single father of two kids. We hit it off pretty well, we were both new to the Faith, had all kinds of ooey-gooey feelings, you know how that goes. I was living in TN at the time, I met him in Florida in person, and we talked online and on the phone quite a bit. I was preparing to move back to Missouri, where I’m originally from.
This man was down on his luck. He had lost his job and his home, and was living in a friend’s house. He had no transport and his friend worked so it was hard for him to get anywhere. He had a babysitter watch his kids during the day while he worked (he walked). He is an orphan, so has no family to help him. Soon after I met him, his friend kicked him out of the house, and he literally didn’t know where else to go or what to do. He seemed like he really just needed a chance to get his feet under him enough to save some money to buy a car and he’d be good as gold.
Soo, I come in, and offered to help him move to Missouri, and watch his kids for him while he was at work, especially since he tended to work only night shifts. I figured watching his kids was mostly going to be putting them to bed before I went to sleep myself, and I’d be able to work during the day. He was wary of this offer, saying he did not want to be stuck in a strange state if we broke up, and I swore an oath to him, invoking the name of God and my own honor, I would not abandon him even if we did break up. He finally agreed.
So last summer, I helped him move to my area, and slept at his place while he was at work, so someone would be there for his kids at night while he was gone. Things went alright at first, stressful with the move and getting set up, etc. But it never eased off. He got verbally abusive, yelling and screaming at me for not doing housework, or not coming to take him to work at the right time (not necessarily late), or for about any excuse he could think of. He started calling me a liar, weasel, backstabber because he claimed I had said things and made promises I never did, and “forgot” them to mess with him. Things of that nature.
His night shift job didn’t last long, and really the only thing available for him was an evening shift job. So now I go to work, get off, take him to work, watch his kids, and at night I bring him home before going home myself to go to bed. His work schedule means I have no time to myself, I cannot meet with friends when they get off work, I can’t go to afternoon Mass at campus, I only get about an hour between taking him home and me going to bed.
I broke up with him a month ago. But what do I do? He has no car, no reliable way to work, and kids to support. I take him to work and bring him home and watch his kids in the meantime. He doesn’t make enough to hire a babysitter, and he’s slowly saving to buy a car but isn’t there yet. He’s stopped being verbally abusive towards me since I broke up with him, that’s a bonus, but really, not being yelled at is bare minimum of what I expect of anyone I have anything to do with.
My friends are pushing me to just forget him, even knowing I swore an oath upon God’s name I wouldn’t just leave him hanging out to dry. They tell me I owe nothing to someone who treats me with no respect, and that after seven months he really ought to either be able to stand on his own or have met other people who could help him. They also point out that in his mind, nothing has really changed. Whether I say I broke up with him or not, I’m still acting much the same way I did when I was with him. And they tell me his children are not my responsibility, that regardless what I promised him, he still chose to move here himself. I certainly don’t want anything to do with him, as being friends with him is impossible.
The only thing I have to say to them is that I swore I wouldn’t leave him hanging. Only one person has said anything positive about my continuing to watch his children, but then she added “that reflects well on you only as long as he isn’t taking advantage of your generosity.”
So, what would you do?