Advice needed regarding a friend

[pmoo]

Okay, so I have a long-term friend who told me over the summer that she had cancer on her nose and she was freaking out. She didn’t have health insurance, so with her consent, I set up a page at a crowd-funding site to help with the costs.

Within a week, she had collected approximately $1300 from friends. I, as creator of the page, sent thank you’s to everyone and kept them updated.

I wrote her a few days ago and asked her since she had had the surgery, could she update everyone herself at the fundraising site and thank them all personally.

Well, the surgery has been postponed three times and now, my friend has just told me she found a new doctor and is starting all over; as a result, she doesn’t have a surgery date.

I’d previously updated the webpage from time to time and most recently, with a notice that the surgery would be on Oct 15. I feel I have done all I should, but these friends and former colleagues have a right to know what is happening.

I am thinking I could post one final update and announce that in the future, Ms. X will update us once she has the surgery. I would then leave the page for her to post on.

Any advice would be great. It’s not my concern about when she does or doesn’t have the surgery, but since I basically asked people to donate, they need to know something - at what point does my responsibility end?

Thanks for any (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

I think that your plan sounds reasonable. It is not your responsibility to supervise her medical care. You have done all that you could.

 

[Bonnie]

Are you sure she has cancer? I’ve heard of people faking it for the money.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Are you sure she has cancer? I’ve heard of people faking it for the money.

Cancer is a very serious health problem and you don’t just jump from Dr. to Dr. Most Doctors want to take care of it sooner rather than later, before it spreads. I also wonder if she didn’t have polyps and confuse that with cancerous polyps. You may mention that your going to take her GoFundMe site down. This site has been abused at times. I am like the other poster-a wee bit suspicious. Peace.

 

[pmoo]

Are you sure she has cancer? I’ve heard of people faking it for the money.

I’m not sure but I have known her for years, so it’s hard to understand why she would make it up…however some people do. We don’t live in the same state, so who knows?

 

[pmoo]

Cancer is a very serious health problem and you don’t just jump from Dr. to Dr. Most Doctors want to take care of it sooner rather than later, before it spreads. I also wonder if she didn’t have polyps and confuse that with cancerous polyps. You may mention that your going to take her GoFundMe site down. This site has been abused at times. I am like the other poster-a wee bit suspicious. Peace.

I have considered taking the site down. I thought I would wait until the end of the month and see if she updates me and then just quietly shut it down as I don’t think there is any more money in it.

I am also a bit suspicious although I don’t want to be…it just makes no sense.

 

[Bonnie]

I also wonder if she didn’t have polyps and confuse that with cancerous polyps.

That’s a possibility. I once misunderstood my doctor & thought I had a more serious illness than I really had. Fortunately, I hadn’t told too many people, but it was still embarrassing.

 

[pmoo]

That’s a possibility. I once misunderstood my doctor & thought I had a more serious illness than I really had. Fortunately, I hadn’t told too many people, but it was still embarrassing.

You both raise an excellent point. The fact that people gave her money for a surgery that she may not even need could be very embarrassing. Thanks for another viewpoint. I’m also thinking that the first doctor may have misdiagnosed it and she is afraid to tell anyone since they donated to her.

 

[pmoo]

Thanks for all the comments. After reflection, prayer and discussion, I have gone to the fundraising site and turned off donations for my friend. The fact that she didn’t even personally thank the donors had already upset me (I did it for her) nor did she update them on her status even after I asked her to.

Her page remains, but people can’t give any more money. This feels like the right thing to do and if it turns out she really has cancer and really needs money, I can easily turn on donations again.

 

[Bonnie]

You’re a good friend to her. She may not appreciate you now, but she eventually will - I hope.

 

[1990Domer]

You’re a good friend to her. She may not appreciate you now, but she eventually will - I hope.

I feel for you. Is there any other person you are close to that can confirm? Or a family member?

Did she have access to the money as soon as it came in? I know I am feeling a little used when I donated to a family (close friends) and the dad died of cancer. But then this weekend, they get all these elaborate decorations for Halloween. She was also pregnant with twins, who came early and are in the neonatal ICU. She is going to need to provide for them. I don’t get it!