Advice on getting rid of bad memory associations

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Tis_Bearself

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From time to time an otherwise pleasant or decent activity can get ruined for me by associating it with a bad memory. For example, if a certain song or band is playing on the radio when something bad happens to you, it can be hard to hear that song or band again. If you are doing a certain activity when you get some really bad news, it’s hard to do that activity again even though you might have enjoyed it very much, because it just reminds you of getting the bad news.

In the past I was able to defeat this once by reminding myself not to be superstitious and by saying a Hail Mary when I got nervous about the particular associated activity. Another thing I’ve tried to do in the past is associate the activity with something else that’s positive and will override the negative association, so I think of something pleasant or fun instead of something scary or bad.

I can try these ways again but just wondering if anyone had some other technique they do to get rid of a bad association for an otherwise pleasant and morally okay activity.
 
I don’t know what to tell you, but I do want to have a discussion about this. My uncle committed suicide when he was listening to Knocking on Heaven’s Door, the GNR version , and my mother to this day will not listen to that song if it comes on the radio , even the Bob Dylan one. She still listens to guns and roses and Bob Dylan, but she can’t listen to that song. I had a hard time listening to the Smashing Pumpkins after a pretty severe break up, which sucks because they’re one of my favourite bands. I think what you describe is actually pretty common.
 
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Yeah, my current issue is that the police called to tell me my husband was “deceased” when I was in the middle of doing Sunday Lectio Divina and looking at a picture of the Pope in Philly riding in the Popemobile (I actually saw him going by from a distance when he was in town and that’s why I was interested in the picture).

I haven’t done Lectio Divina since and I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life having a problem with Lectio Divina. I just noticed the bookmark for it is still on this computer, untouched since last March. I’d also like to be able to look at and maybe even buy a print of that Pope picture and remember the Pope’s visit and not the police call.
 
Well, I remember when my sister called my mother to tell us that my niece had died, I was asleep, but I did not decide never to sleep again. I totally get what you’re saying though, because of that memory and that Association, it’s something that’s hard to get back into. I think there might be ways to block it out of your memory, my mother told me that she doesn’t even remember the year my dad died, other than him being sick and dying. You’ll be ready one day, and if that day is not today don’t worry about it. Because only you’ll know when you’re ready. When I say block it out of your memory, I don’t mean forget it altogether, I mean just try to separate the things. I mean, one does not necessarily relate to the other. I know you know that, I know you know that causation and correlation are two different things. I wish I could be of more help, but the truth is, as much as I know about psychology, I can’t read your mind. I will tell you though, that you do have my prayers. In fact, I think I’m going to go pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy right now for you.
 
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Thank you for the prayers. I may just have to ask Jesus and Mother Mary to help with this, I’m sure they will.

Besides, to look at it another way, to be doing something holy when you get such a call is probably a better situation than if you were in the middle of committing some sin or being mad at the person.
 
Praying for you. I have no advice because I struggle with the same thing and haven’t been able to overcome it.
 
I’m not sure if you are addressing me or Adam, but if you read my posts, I’m actually having trouble right now with doing scripture-reading exercises, not with a song. “Lectio Divina” is a traditional Benedictine practice of Scripture reading and reflection.

Also, again I can’t speak for Adam, but I “speak to God from my heart” many times, all day every day. Why would you think I didn’t? I don’t get through an hour without talking to Jesus.

Finally, “don’t recite the Hail Mary or Our Father Prayer”? You just joined 1 hour ago and you’re telling a Catholic not to do this? A Catholic who tries to say at least 1 Rosary a day and furthermore, is not having any problem whatsoever with the Hail Mary or Our Father Prayer? And also prays in various other ways every single day?

Are you even Catholic, bro?
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
by associating it with a bad memory
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Saying it this way makes it sound like something you did willfully and consciously, but that is not how these associations develop. They are unconscious and a natural function of the human psyche. In the case of unpleasant consequences, the natural associative function of the brain seems to betray us.

The techniques of prayer and alternate associations you have tried are very effective in most cases.

It is the same process when addiction develops, though much less intense and debilitating.
Tis_Bearself said:
I can try these ways again but just wondering if anyone had some other technique they do to get rid of a bad association for an otherwise pleasant and morally okay activity.
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Sometimes the emotions and events are deeper and require more inner healing. The events that occur to trigger them can be reminders to pray and seek inner healing for old wounds. Sometimes the healing just takes longer, like a cut in the skin that is deeper.
 
I don’t think it’s possible to completely eradicate negative memories associated with various stimuli but you may mitigate them.

The idea is always to learn a new pleasant association to add to the unpleasant, the more pleasant the better.

I’ve mentioned hypnosis before but it met with a stone silence so I assume it’s against Catholic beliefs or something.

Years ago I remember being told by my tutor a professor no less that one could an elastic band around the wrist, pinging it when beginning to think something undesireable. Apparently eventually it helps, I’d advise not having it too tight though or,you may need a trip to A & E.
 
I have done the elastic band snapping to remove intrusive thoughts. Specifically, many years ago I had to break up with someone I’d had daily contact with for many years due to an unhealthy and sinful situation, and it was hard for me to go even a few minutes without thinking of them or feeling anxiety because I wasn’t going to be seeing or talking to them any more. Each time I thought of the person I would snap the band and say “Stop!” It did work and the thoughts faded over time.

In this case however it’s not really intrusive thoughts, it’s a general pervasive association, so it’s not the type of thing where you can just banish the thought and go on.
 
So tell me, is hypnotherapy out for Catholics?

Also, I’ve no doubt you know that people often move house following a bereavement to reduce those associations. Having said that over time those associations would diminish as you live differently and learn new associations. Maybe sometimes it’s nice to stay in the same home though, maybe we can remain closer to our memories that way and hold them dear.

It’s different for each of us I suppose.
 
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I myself have never thought much about hypnotherapy as I have never gotten therapy and don’t really wish to and don’t feel that I need it.

It’s my understanding from what I’ve read that the Church has not condemned hypnotherapy when used in an appropriate medical context with a licensed professional, etc. but has warned against possible abuses of it by charlatans, New Age practitioners, etc. So it would really depend on the context, the particular person and the whole overall situation.

Here’s a longer and more detailed discussion on a Catholic blog.

 
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That’s very interesting, also interesting that the statement by the Church was dated 1840, that must have been in the early stages of development of hypnosis.

I would see a registered hypnotist personally if I thought it would help. In the past I did see a hypnotist and as I imagined I was still in control of myself even though very relaxed and I was aware of what he was saying to me. I had an exam coming up and I was anxious about remembering everything I needed to. I passed the exam but I also had done a lot of revision.

It could help, sometimes we need some help from a third party and I believe that we should use resources in the world which God has seen fit to provide. All those things can help alongside prayer and the sacraments.
 
There are all kinds of triggering events that we all experience throughout our lives, but from my own personal experience I deal with those of lost loved ones, and friends much better than I do say a traumatic event.

With lost loved ones I always have memories of them regardless of a trigger like a song or anniversary date on a calendar. That memory may not be a pleasant one but many times they are, I kind of view them as a reminder not so much as recalling pain rather as a reminder to offer prayers for them and yes myself as well.
I try to remember that just because some has passed away it doesn’t mean I have to stop loving them, and it doesn’t mean they have stopped loving me either.
I hope I was able to get my point across.
 
Milt said:
I try to remember that just because some has passed away it doesn’t mean I have to stop loving them, and it doesn’t mean they have stopped loving me either.
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This is really good to remember. I do feel like my loved ones are still in touch and at the very least pray for me. I am quite sure that my return to Catholicism and everything I’ve done since was due largely to my mother’s prayers for me both while she was living and after her death. I also read a pamphlet by some monk that I found at church after my husband died that said when our loved ones die they are more present than ever in our lives in a new and different way.
 
If these bad things that you are associating with songs, activities etc. are sins, then you can say:

‘Lord, grant me the grace of forgetfulness.’

but it seems like these bad things you describe aren’t sins.
 
Yeah, not sins this time.

I’m pretty lucky in that I associate very few pieces of media with sin. There are probably somewhere between 5 and 10 movies that I’ve seen in the past that I will not be watching any more because they make me think lustful/ sinful thoughts. Apart from that I’m pretty impervious. I have more trouble with the associations with bad breakups and significant deaths.
 
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