Advice on Gossiping?

[powerofk]

YES!!! This is exactly the problem (and yes…it’s with co-workers). I work in this area of 4 cubicles connected, and 1 of the ladies in particular is always complaining about this person or that person. To make matters worse, we have an instant-messaging capability on our network, and she’ll send me private IM’s whenever she doesn’t want to be heard gossiping out loud. And sometimes, the desire to connect with others and belong just takes over me, and I take the bait!

But you’re right, it’s never that juicy tabloid kinda gossip. It always starts off as just regular, everyday issues and then spirals out of control.

In the case of private IMs, just message her back and say, “You know, I understand you’re frustrated about something. But if you don’t want others to hear you complain, it might be better to save this until after work, or we can go together for lunch somewhere and talk about it. Remember, our IT team can read all of your messages to me and if you’re caught disparaging people over the network, it could get you fired.” Seriously. And if you do talk to her about a situation, make sure you try to help her see a different point of view about what’s going on.

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

Avoid gossip. Live alone. Don’t become too chummy with neighbors you don’t really know well.

Living alone has its advantages.

We had a situation at our parish several years ago. We got a new priest, and someone did a number on his reputation. The poor priest asked the bishop for a new assignment, but the bishop said he should remain where he is since moving him would not solve anything.

Unfortunately, the people in this parish seem to “get rid of” priests they don’t like. (I hope I am not gossiping) but one of the very elderly parishioners said that if the church got a priest they did not like for some reason, they would “get rid of him.”

 

[slMike]

I may just have to suck it up and walk away.

That’s about it.

or:

Change the subject right away, talk about ANYTHING but the faults of others

i.e. take control of the topic even if they get off topic KEEP THEM on it.

or something more direct:

Next time try sighing with a theatric smile and ask: is it

suppose to rain tomorrow? or something else completely off the wall, you have

then done your duty then go on to some other activity. They should soon get the message.

This is really a good opportunity for detachment from creatures and attachment to God

which is a long process. Obviously God is giving you the opportunities.

Mike

 

[djames99]

We can excuse ourselves promptly, which of course raises eyebrows in the least, but could bring about some cold shoulders in an otherwise healthy friendship. Such are the sacrifices of those who do Christ’s will.

But I can see some purpose in staying. Because the subject is held in dignity in God’s eyes, and because he is protected by Divine justice, we are to become his advocate. He is part of an extended family. We care for his well being, even when guilty. We wait anxiously for his shedding of the Old Man.

Determine if the information was obtained under the umbrella of secrecy, in which case we use the former option. “Did you hear what Mary said to her lawyer”, “Did you hear what John heard while he was in the confessional”. Make it a point. Presume the positive to counter the negative. “Henry, did you hear that Pierre has a record for stealing?” “Can’t really say, but I heard he did some honest and accurate work in accounting, so to me it doesn’t make sense.” Positives may not prevent the next time he gossips, but now conscience has something to work on in him. We hope he will come away with something to think about next time.

We are not siding by doing this. Ask the informer the subject’s side of his story. If possible, leave it in the air that there is a stalemate, or a possible valid explanation, then leave. “Yeah I heard the case, but there were mitigating circumstances not considered.”

I recall in the early years of aids, a newspaper tormented a prostitute who was HIV positive. The writer of the article had her followed her around and her associates to find the latest scoop on her which he printed. Then one day he happened to mention she had a 4 year son. This was to have an effect of further revulsion, but to me it was horror. I imagined the future and could see him leaving his mother later by the scandal. Her last hope and friend.

This is also gossip in classification, the unknowing party an infant. I called the editor and asked for the sake of the child to stop the story. He agreed.

Scandal is the worst thing I see around I think, and that includes Institutional Scandal. Even when decades have past, and new generations come, it would seem that a lingering foul smell of the story still permeates. It’s the worst of the human faults I think. The New Man spoken of by Paul is a joke. The objective of scandal is to ensure the person’s back stepping to correct his ways are blocked by every obstacle. Every attempt to assist him reenter the Community is blocked. Like a game of snakes and ladders, he finds his gains are temporary, and has him starting anew by the repetitive cycles of failures.

 

[edwest2]

Hi Ed,

Wow…does your friend work where I work? LOL! That’s exactly my problem. I sit in a section of 4 cubicles, and the others are occupied by all women…and boy oh boy can they (WE) gossip! To make matters worse, we even have an Instant Messaging application on our network, so if the gossip is really juicy and we don’t want to be heard out loud, just listen for the clicking keyboard, cause we’re sending IM’s to each other.

I usually try to put my headphones on and listen to music or Catholic videos on Youtube to avoid engaging in the gossip. But at some point, the headphones have to come off, and the gossip is there waiting.

Hi,

I’ve heard it’s a very common thing and hard to stay away from. I’ve worked around women at a major hospital and a few would bring a book to read, which told the gossip lovers, “Oh, I won’t bother her. She’s reading.” Or, one lady I knew would just listen and smile and say, “Really?” and not get caught up in all the emotion, so she became ‘no fun to gossip with’ because she didn’t get all excited or start adding to the “story.”

Maybe it’s a case of, “You know, I really like you and I like working with you, but would you mind not telling me about those [whatever] things you saw or heard?” I mean, it seems gossip is a kind of a defense against being bored, or getting your mind off your life and imagining the juicy - and secret - things going on between two people that are more likely, not actually happening. Sure, people do complain about their boss or supervisor or that mean person who works in some department that is not very polite or smart.

I just smiled, did my job, made a few friends and went home. Maybe it’s easier for guys - somehow. I guess I was thinking too much about fun things and things that interested me. That was exciting, not, “I think Bob and Janet are sleeping together because I saw her give him something this morning… and… and…”

Ed