Advice, please - about talking it over

[just_me]

Someone is in initial formation in a religious community. They have some questions about the community’s observance of its constitutions. They would like to be able to discuss these questions with their directress, however, they are somewhat leery. They are worried that it may cause bad light to be shown on some members of the group. Despite this concern, considering such discussion would not be intented to be slandering or anything like that - would you think it would be okay for this person to discuss their questions even though it could bring things to light about others that may not be positive? - the reluctance to discuss this is not based on fear of the directresses response, but rather on fear that it would be wrong to do so out of respect for other people. How would suggest that the person handle this situation? Thanks.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

I’d say go to their spiritual director or if not, a good priest that is not involved.

 

[LukeQ]

I guess it depends on the particular concern(s) your friend has and if that concern is being demonstrated by a member of the order is representative of all members and the Directress or is the concern isolated to one member.

For arguement’s sake, let’s say the issue is perceived irreverence to the Eucharist - no one appears to genuflect when passing the tabinacle. Okay - She may try a general approach and ask the Directress about the Order’s devotion to the Eucharist - no acccusations etc. Your friend will quickly get her viewpoint and whether or not it is representative of her observations.

Does this help?
Luke

 

[CMTN]

just me:

Someone is in initial formation in a religious community. They have some questions about the community’s observance of its constitutions. They would like to be able to discuss these questions with their directress, however, they are somewhat leery. They are worried that it may cause bad light to be shown on some members of the group. Despite this concern, considering such discussion would not be intented to be slandering or anything like that - would you think it would be okay for this person to discuss their questions even though it could bring things to light about others that may not be positive? - the reluctance to discuss this is not based on fear of the directresses response, but rather on fear that it would be wrong to do so out of respect for other people. How would suggest that the person handle this situation? Thanks.

Thanks - anybody else have (name removed by moderator)ut?

 

[vluvski]

I would say that tactfully and respectfully bringing up one’s concerns is never inappropriate. Starting the conversation with “I’ve noticed that so-and-so doesn’t such-and-such” probably isn’t the right attitude. Perhaps something more to the effect of, “I’ve been reading X about our order, and I was hoping you could help me put it in a more contemporary context. How can we live out Y in this day and age, given our particular circumstances?”
No question, these issues need to be resolved on way or another. If the person is confident in the specifics of his or her vocation, there is always the option of living out these observances and waiting for others to catch on if it is simply a matter of having to be reminded of these requirements. If this person is hesitant about the order over others’ behavior, it may be an indication that his or her calling lies elsewhere. For example, there may be reformed orders that obey the laws more strictly, like the Trappists are reformed Benedictines.
A friend of mine decided not to join the Benedictines at Belmont Abbey because he didn’t feel their lavish shrimp scampi on Lenten Fridays was “austere.” When the Abbot unveiled a stricter meal policy in the spirit of an austere lifestyle, my friend did not go back. His reservations were all part of the discernment process.