Advice please

[Catholicracer]

Hello
I need some advice. I am 21 and I cant seem to get a date. I feel like it is God's will for me to be married one day but most of the good girls I know are taken or say that I am to nice to date. Could God be wanting me to stay single? Or could God be wanting me to get my concrete staining business going before I meet the right girl? I am **not** feeling down about it or anything I am just puzzled about why I cant get a date.

 

[Catholicracer]

I ment to post this under family life…sorry if its in the wrong place.

 

[Cloisters]

Work on becoming a saint. Jesus keeps the good brides in His Sacred Heart. If He has one in mind for you, He’ll lead you to her.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[Norseman82]

but most of the good girls I know are taken or say that I am to nice to date. Could God be wanting me to stay single? Or could God be wanting me to get my concrete staining business going before I meet the right girl?

Normally, the whole “you’re a nice guy, but” is a cop-out on the part of the person who says this. And getting your business off the ground is definitely a good thing, as you will be able to support a family.

We live in a world in which it is harder to find a good Catholic spouse, and I do not necessarily see this as a sign that you are meant to be single for the rest of your life. I will ask you this:

1. How do you define “good girls”?
2. Where are you looking? (A friend of mine once commented on how hard it was to find a virgin, but he was going to the trendy clubs, yet resisted my suggestion that we need to be more aggressive at Church regarding virgins seeking fellow virgins.) Bottom line: if you want a Lexus, chances are that you will not find one by going to Yugo dealerships.
3. Can you identify any patterns?

 

[Carolinagirl411]

I used to have this problem myself. I’m a girl (naturally due to my name) lol and it was SO hard to find a decent guy. I hated clubs/bars and all the normal “meet up” places. So I decided finally to give up searching. I started to look around at becoming a nun b/c I felt it was God’s way of saying, “there isn’t anyone out there for you except Me.” When I finally made that decision, I met my fiance. Like a couple of days after. He is everything I wanted and more than I deserve. I didn’t even have to go out to meet him. My neighbor introduced us randomly one day and we had a connection. God does work in mysterious ways but you have to let Him work.

My advice, take a step back. Focus on God, work, getting your life in order. Things will happen with prayer. I’m living proof that prayer works…and works fast!!! haha

 

[Norseman82]

I used to have this problem myself. I’m a girl (naturally due to my name) lol and it was SO hard to find a decent guy. I hated clubs/bars and all the normal “meet up” places. So I decided finally to give up searching. I started to look around at becoming a nun b/c I felt it was God’s way of saying, “there isn’t anyone out there for you except Me.” When I finally made that decision, I met my fiance. Like a couple of days after. He is everything I wanted and more than I deserve. I didn’t even have to go out to meet him. My neighbor introduced us randomly one day and we had a connection. God does work in mysterious ways but you have to let Him work.

My advice, take a step back. Focus on God, work, getting your life in order. Things will happen with prayer. I’m living proof that prayer works…and works fast!!! haha

There is one difference here. Whereas you are a female, Catholicracer is a male, and traditionally the role of the male is to be the pursuer and the female the pursuee (in fact, the young lady who organized the National Catholic Singles Conference said that females expect males to pursue them), so we must be extremely careful to not quash his desire to pursue.

 

[forgetmenot]

There are several Catholic singles activities available that I’ve seen advertised on the net, in newspapers, Church bulletins. Try going to these activities to meet others with the same interests in faith.

 

[Carolinagirl411]

There is one difference here. Whereas you are a female, Catholicracer is a male, and traditionally the role of the male is to be the pursuer and the female the pursuee (in fact, the young lady who organized the National Catholic Singles Conference said that females expect males to pursue them), so we must be extremely careful to not quash his desire to pursue.

I didn’t mean to “quash” his desire to pursue…lol even though I think that is a bit old fashioned I do agree that typically females are the ones that are pursued. I meant for him to know that he is not the only one going through it. Regardless if you are male or female sometimes people get so caught up in the pursuit of other people they lose sight of the big picture. That’s why sometimes you need to take a step back, get your priorities with God straight, and clear your head. Then things will be easier to handle. I would not have been ready for a relationship if I had not done so.

 

[Catholicracer]

Normally, the whole “you’re a nice guy, but” is a cop-out on the part of the person who says this. And getting your business off the ground is definitely a good thing, as you will be able to support a family.

We live in a world in which it is harder to find a good Catholic spouse, and I do not necessarily see this as a sign that you are meant to be single for the rest of your life. I will ask you this:

1. How do you define “good girls”?
2. Where are you looking? (A friend of mine once commented on how hard it was to find a virgin, but he was going to the trendy clubs, yet resisted my suggestion that we need to be more aggressive at Church regarding virgins seeking fellow virgins.) Bottom line: if you want a Lexus, chances are that you will not find one by going to Yugo dealerships.
3. Can you identify any patterns?

1. How do you define “good girls”? A good devout Catholic girl.
2. Where are you looking? Bible study mostly but theres not many people in it (theres not mady Catholics here in GA lol) I have tried Catholic singles but have the girls near by had not logged into in a few months.
3. Can you identify any patterns? The biggest thing is being told I am to nice. I have been shy but I try not to be

 

[Catholicracer]

I didn’t mean to “quash” his desire to pursue…lol even though I think that is a bit old fashioned I do agree that typically females are the ones that are pursued. I meant for him to know that he is not the only one going through it. Regardless if you are male or female sometimes people get so caught up in the pursuit of other people they lose sight of the big picture. That’s why sometimes you need to take a step back, get your priorities with God straight, and clear your head. Then things will be easier to handle. I would not have been ready for a relationship if I had not done so.

Dont worry Carolinagirl you didnt quash my desire to pursue. I knew what you ment.

 

[Spirithound]

1. How do you define “good girls”? A good devout Catholic girl.
2. Where are you looking? Bible study mostly but theres not many people in it (theres not mady Catholics here in GA lol) I have tried Catholic singles but have the girls near by had not logged into in a few months.
3. Can you identify any patterns? The biggest thing is being told I am to nice. I have been shy but I try not to be

1. Excellent.
2. Is there any youth ministry around? I’m thinking LifeTeen, or others (please no flaming LifeTeen, there are many other threads for that purpose), something where young adults such as yourself minister to highschoolers or younger. I’m in a Bible study group and the Rosary Guild at my current church (moved several months ago), and I’m the youngest one, 23, by at least 30 years. At my previous church, a LifeTeen parish, many girls my age (still didn’t get a date tho)

Which links nicely to
3) Keep being nice.
a) Don’t be looking for a girl. Joining a ministry just to look for a date won’t work. Focus on the teens and God will bring her to you.
aa) Don’t be discouraged. Develop your spirituality, get closer to God, and the rest will fall into place.

 

[Michael_Saint]

Hello

    I need some advice. I am 21 and I cant seem to get a date. I feel like it is God's will for me to be married one day but most of the good girls I know are taken or say that I am to nice to date. Could God be wanting me to stay single? Or could God be wanting me to get my concrete staining business going before I meet the right girl? I am **not** feeling down about it or anything I am just puzzled about why I cant get a date.

I’m 30 and I still haven’t been able to get a date. Since I left seminary in 2004, I have been turned down by 4 different girls (and before I entered seminary I could never get a date either - I have never dated). Why? Simple - it is just not God’s will nor His timing. So, what do I do? I thank Him for letting His will be known, embrace my single life, be extremely productive with it, and wait for that day where a girl WILL say “yes”, because when God decides it is the right time, He will put the right person in my life. (Of course, the prerequisite is to BECOME the right person before you can MEET the right person). That is the answer to your query - quite simple, really.

 

[Cade_One]

Hello

    I need some advice. I am 21 and I cant seem to get a date. I feel like it is God's will for me to be married one day but most of the good girls I know are taken or say that I am to nice to date. Could God be wanting me to stay single? Or could God be wanting me to get my concrete staining business going before I meet the right girl? I am **not** feeling down about it or anything I am just puzzled about why I cant get a date.

Catholicracer, You have gotten many great responses from the other posters! There is nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said. Just keep on loving Christ, living the Faith, and living each day joyfully and there will be a girl out there who will take notice.

When I met my wife she was not Catholic Christian, but a Christian non-the-less. It is important for couples to practice the same faith (especially when children come along). As I grew in my Catholic faith, my wife got more and more scared, because of what she had been taught about Catholics (mostly misconceptions and flat out untruthful things). I invited her to Mass and let her know that it is alright if she just sits and listens to the Prayers, Readings from Scripture, Homely, and if she had any questions about anything I would be more than happy to explain why we do what we do. I did not push her, I simply let her know that I would love it if she could share this time of liturgical worship with me. She did not come the first time I invited her ore even the second. I prayed that our Lord could soften her heart and one day she accepted my open-invitation. After that first mass she said that she felt very uncomfortable, but she kept coming to mass with me and asked a lot of questions. During Holy Week she witnessed those who were in the RCIA coming into full communion with Christ’s Church and it touched her (almost as much as the first time she witnessed a baby being Baptized into Christ’s Church). After Holy Week Shanon said that she wanted to join RCIA to learn more about what Catholics really believe and that we did. I made the two-hour trip up every week to the RCIA night and how fruitful that was to my own faith journey. We met so many loving Christians and learned a lot about the Catholic faith. It was a lot like a Bible Study, Catechesis, Fellowship, and Prayer Group all wrapped up in one. Fast-forward a few years and we are now married and God has blessed us with a beautiful little girl. And did I mention that my wife is now Catholic Christian. Now if only we could learn to pray more as a couple…I heard in a recent study that only 4% of Christian married couples pray together on a regular basis! Wow! So pray for Shanon and I and hopefully we will do the same for the rest of the 96% of Christian married couples…

 

[Norseman82]

I’m 30 and I still haven’t been able to get a date. Since I left seminary in 2004, I have been turned down by 4 different girls (and before I entered seminary I could never get a date either - I have never dated). Why? Simple - it is just not God’s will nor His timing.

Or it could be that it is indeed God’s will and timing but the ones who are rejecting you have their brains screwed on backwards or are not listening to God…