Advice Please

[AKelly]

Hi,

I am a non catholic and have been living with a catholic for 4 years.

We are expecting our first child in August 05.

We do want to get married, but are unsure how to go about it. We are getting a lot of pressure from his Catholic mother, who is being a bit over bearing, any advice on how to tell her to back off and trust us to make the right decision.

okay, now for the questions.

If we get married in the catholic church before the baby in a small quick ceremony, can we do this without haveing the long mass before hand and still be considered valid by the church? Can the baby still be baptized?

If we get married after the baby is born in the catholic church is this acceptable and can the baby still be baptized?

What if we get married outside of the church, can we still have a priest come and marry us and be valid by the church??

Please help.

 

[netmilsmom]

AKelly:

Hi,

I am a non catholic and have been living with a catholic for 4 years.

We are expecting our first child in August 05.

We do want to get married, but are unsure how to go about it. We are getting a lot of pressure from his Catholic mother, who is being a bit over bearing, any advice on how to tell her to back off and trust us to make the right decision.

okay, now for the questions.

If we get married in the catholic church before the baby in a small quick ceremony, can we do this without haveing the long mass before hand and still be considered valid by the church? Can the baby still be baptized?

If we get married after the baby is born in the catholic church is this acceptable and can the baby still be baptized?

What if we get married outside of the church, can we still have a priest come and marry us and be valid by the church??

Please help.

God Bless you and how wonderful to have a baby coming!
Please remember that you are not the first to be in this situation. I was away from the church when I got married in Las Vegas. We had our daughter Baptized, then another and finally got married in the church.
Talk to the priest at your mother-in-law’s parish. He will help you with the plans.

I’ll pray that this will all be easy on you!

 

[Tantum_ergo]

Hi.
Have you or your fiance ever been married before, either civilly or in a church?
If not. . .
Your parish most likely has a pre-Cana requirement that needs to be met before the wedding. In most cases you should approach the priest 6 months before the wedding. However, since the usual requirement is, or was in my time, a 4 session meeting (once a week), this may be something that your priest can work on so that you can accomplish the requirements in much less than 6 months.
There is no need for a nuptial Mass. The ceremony can still be held in the church. (That’s your “small, quick ceremony”.)
Can the baby be baptized? Most likely yes. However, you would need to probably go to Baptism preparation classes for a period of time, and would need to show that you intend to bring the baby up Catholic. Too many people for too long thought that all they had to do to get their child “baptized Catholic” was to show up at church, have the ceremony, and then never set foot in church again, just because they wanted the baptism to “wash away” the child’s original sin. . .as if after baptism the child would never grow up or sin again later. So, nowadays, the priests like to know, or be reasonably certain, that you’re in this for the long haul. . .after baptism, Sunday church attendance faithfully for the whole family, religious education when the child starts school, Penance, First Communion, Confirmation, continued faithful Church attendance throughout life for all. IOW, living life fully as committed Catholics.

If you get married after the baby is born, provided you meet the same criteria as above (going to Pre Cana, going to baptism preparation, faithful attendance, intention to live life fully as Catholics), you should be able to be married in church and your child should also be able to be baptized.

Your husband, as a Catholic, has an obligation to be married in the church. He can marry you, a non-Catholic, if he receives dispensation to do so, by reason of your being willing to marry him and for him to do his best to raise the children as Catholics. But that marriage must be in the Catholic Church, not down at city hall or in a Protestant Church with a priest there instead of a pastor. Otherwise, your marriage would be invalid from the start.

I think that you have the right idea in wanting to get married (provided you are certain that you are marrying for life, not just for convenience or for the baby’s sake. Though it’s praiseworthy to want to have the child have a mother and a father raising him together, unless you are certain that you love the father and will do so till death do you part, it’s better not to marry rather than risk that one or the other changes his mind, falls out of love, considers that s/he was FORCED into marriage, etc.)

I think that you have the right idea in wanting to make sure that you and your family get the right start in life.

I hope that by your willingness to consider your husband’s Catholic faith that you are opening yourself to the possibility of conversion. You don’t say anything about your own faith; if you are ardent in your own spirituality, this could cause problems. For example, you can’t decide that when your baby is born that he be baptized Catholic but go to both Catholic and Protestant services, or that he can later “pick” his own religion even if he is baptized Catholic.

But you have asked good questions. I hope the answers I, and I’m sure others, will give will help you to make an informed, Christ-centered choice.

 

[AKelly]

Thanks for the response. His mother is adament that he must get married in the church, that he has no choice in the matter, is that entirely true for him to remain catholic??

 

[AKelly]

Thanks for your advice as well. I currently do not practice religion, however do believe in God. I was raised as a Jehovah’s Wittness for many years, until my mother decided to leave that religion, boy was i ever so happy. Anyhow since then I have really not been drawn to worship. However, I do believe in God.

Anyhow, we have never been married before so that won’t cause a problem. I am fine with getting married in the church, I just wish his mother would chill out a bit. I will have to break it to hear that I don’t want the long mass, but will get married in the church. I hope she takes it well.

I will get the child baptized for my future husbands sake, as far as converting, I really would need to learn more about the religion before making that kind of decision.

we’ve been together 4 years, and recently purchases a home together, so we are committed even b4 the baby, he has just been slow at asking me.

Again I appreciate your response!!!

 

[kmktexas]

AKelly:

Thanks for the response. His mother is adament that he must get married in the church, that he has no choice in the matter, is that entirely true for him to remain catholic??

akelly, He would still be a Catholic but the marriage would not be Sacrmental. As a Catholic, he is bound to follow the rules of the Church regarding marriage. He can marry in another Church by going through the proper channels and getting proper permissions (dispensations) but not something like City Hall.

Some parishes won’t marry a couple with a baby on the way. This is to ensure fullness of consent (avoid any “shotgun wedding” scenarios). You should arrange to talk to a priest at your husband’s parish. He has seen all the possibilities before, I am sure and can give you good advise.

BTW, congratulations on your upcoming little Blessing.

 

[space_ghost]

my best suggestion is for you to not worry about cutting corners, and work on getting it right the first time… the greek/hebrew translation of the first sentence is to “Go See Your Priest”…

good luck with the marriage and the baby… them carts before horses sometimes complicate things… Bless all of you and, Peace

 

[Deacon_Tony560]

How wonderful that you came to this Catholic website for information. Hope you have time to visit some of the posts here. I think you will find them interesting. In our parish, our pastor is very happy to work out situations such as yours. Last year, a couple came to have their child baptized and were also married in the church. Family problems can be major…inlaws acting like outlaws. May God bless you and may his peace be with all of the family.

Deacon Tony SFO