Advice please :)

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Chuck1

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Hi , I’ve been to a few masses at my local church and I’m not sure what to do , after the service most people just leave and that’s it and it seems like nobody knows anyone because it’s quite a big church and everyone seems a bit hostile no one talks to eachother before or after mass and on Sunday I saw no one going for coffee after mass so I dont really know what todo maybe I get to know a few people but it’s hard when they leave straight away maybe I’ll get to know more people over time ? It’s like there’s no time to introduce your self apart from peace be with you bit ?
Any thoughts on this ?
 
Chuck1 said:
Hi , I’ve been to a few masses at my local church and I’m not sure what to do , after the service most people just leave and that’s it and it seems like nobody knows anyone because it’s quite a big church and everyone seems a bit hostile no one talks to eachother before or after mass and on Sunday I saw no one going for coffee after mass so I dont really know what todo maybe I get to know a few people but it’s hard when they leave straight away maybe I’ll get to know more people over time ? It’s like there’s no time to introduce your self apart from peace be with you bit ?
Any thoughts on this ?
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I totally understand how you feel. I felt the same until I found a parish with a coffee hour.

Are there any other parishes near you?

Have you looked in the Church bulletin? One way of meeting people is to join different groups.
 
Hi thanks for response , no not really the one I went to is really the only one I can get to so I’m kinda stuck , good idea I will look in the newsletter 🙂 thanks again
 
Chuck,
I don’t know if will help but I personally have always gotten to church early and just went up and down the aisles greeting people saying hello.
I found that for me a simple “God bless you brother” or “God bless you sister” works and some of the people started staying later after church to talk. Some made sure they found me when they came in to say hello.
I do not attend a Catholic church but I imagine it might work.
I use the old Proverb “For a man to have friends he must show himself friendly.”
I hope it helps.
 
You might also want to approach the priest after Mass and introduce yourself. Let him know that you are new to the faith and want to get more involved in the parish.
At my parish, there is “Friendship Sunday”, a monthly get-together after the last Mass of the morning. These are geared primarily to new members to give them an opportunity to learn about parish life. There are also times, especially during the school year, when the parish has a coffee hour after the 11:00 AM Mass. Because there are so many Masses each Sunday it is not feasible to have the social time after every Mass. It could be that you are just there at a Mass that does not have a social hour close in time.
 
Frank_Hagen said:
Chuck,
I don’t know if will help but I personally have always gotten to church early and just went up and down the aisles greeting people saying hello.
I found that for me a simple “God bless you brother” or “God bless you sister” works and some of the people started staying later after church to talk. Some made sure they found me when they came in to say hello.
I do not attend a Catholic church but I imagine it might work.
I use the old Proverb “For a man to have friends he must show himself friendly.”
I hope it helps.
Click to expand...
The only problem with that is that in Catholic churches, people are usually praying before mass.

But he can certainly say hello after mass in the vestibule if he is not shy.

Especially since adults, especially tend to be nice to fresh-face teens. 🙂
 
Hi everyone thanks for all your comments , next Sunday after mass I will go for a coffe and hopefully meet some people after mass and look for things to join in during the week I’m going to phone the preist during the week so we can chat and I can explain eh I’m here etc and I saw a few teens around my
Age weather they go because there parents go I don’t know so I ask him about that and see what’s what because at the moment I feel I’m not there spiritually I’m more there as an observer and trying to know what going on so I’ll see what happens over the next few weeks , also I couldn’t keep track of some of the hyms today what does eg . S10 mean I couldn’t find it ? Anyway that for all your help 🙂
 
Frank_Hagen said:
Chuck,
I don’t know if will help but I personally have always gotten to church early and just went up and down the aisles greeting people saying hello.
I found that for me a simple “God bless you brother” or “God bless you sister” works and some of the people started staying later after church to talk. Some made sure they found me when they came in to say hello.
I do not attend a Catholic church but I imagine it might work.
I use the old Proverb “For a man to have friends he must show himself friendly.”
I hope it helps.
Click to expand...
Hi Frank,

Your advice may work in a non-denominational church, but it would be unusual in a Catholic Church. The reason for that is that we believe in the Real Presence of Christ in the consecrated Hosts in the tabernacle, and we are preparing for Mass and which is central to our faith. People are either sitting or kneeling in prayer, and if there needs to be any conversation of a few words it is done in a whisper. Mass is not the time or place to meet people and have animated conversations. The best time forCatholics who are new to meet people is to go to the coffee and doughnuts time they have, and introduce yourself to some of your peers and chat with them.

Getting involved in groups that meet during the week is another way of meeting parishioners.
 
Okay I will look I’m the newsletter or ask the preist about other ways to get to know the people there 🙂
 
Chuck, re S10 as a hymn number, or S any number… it sounds like your parish uses Celebration Hymnal. If so, the S stands for Supplement, so you’ll find those hymns starting S something at the back, after the list of first lines and other lists. There’s only 11 of them, over a couple of pages, so it’s easy to miss them.

By the way, did you notice that the hymns in the main part are in alphabetical order (first letter of first word of first line) so as you get more familar with them, you’ll be able to find any hymn without knowing the number. Not much help for you at the moment, perhaps, and the S hymns are in a little order of their own, of course!

I’m so glad you are going to Mass. Just make yourself known. For instance, next time you can’t find a hymn, just whisper to whoever’s next to you ‘Hi, can you help me?’ and that will give you someone you know for next week, because at the end of Mass you can say something like,‘Thanks for your help, i’m totally new here and in fact i’m not a Catholic and I get a bit lost’.
 
Hi thanks paperweight 🙂 thanks for clearing that up yes that sounds like it because they had some s and some in the main section and yes I will look out for the order of them , by the way what’s the difference between the celebration hmyal and others then ?
 
By the way what’s the difference between the celebration hmyal and others then ?
 
=Chuck1;8469340]Hi , I’ve been to a few masses at my local church and I’m not sure what to do , after the service most people just leave and that’s it and it seems like nobody knows anyone because it’s quite a big church and everyone seems a bit hostile no one talks to eachother before or after mass and on Sunday I saw no one going for coffee after mass so I dont really know what todo maybe I get to know a few people but it’s hard when they leave straight away maybe I’ll get to know more people over time ? It’s like there’s no time to introduce your self apart from peace be with you bit ?
Any thoughts on this ?
Click to expand...
Over the years have heard the same complaint mutiple times:o

Talk to your pastor about it and consider joining a bible study or some other church function. You might also meet with the Ditrector of religious educationa and have a friendly discussion. maybe ofer to help serve the coffee and doughnuts? Try to get involved.

Each parish seems to somewhat take on the personality of the pastor. BUT where there is a WILL;… God WILLS the way:)

Don’t give up; maybe consider another parish if its an option. That’s what I did when I relocated to Florida.

PRAY about it. GOD will guide you.

God Bless you,
Pat
 
Chuck1 said:
By the way what’s the difference between the celebration hmyal and others then ?
Click to expand...
‘Celebration Hymnal’ is just the title given to a collection of hymns by the publishers who have produced it. There’s no sidnificance in the itile ‘Celebration’ - I mean there isn’t another one called ‘Repentance’ and another one called ‘Prayer for others’. . Sorry if I’ve confused you by not putting quotes round the title. I should have done.
 
Chuck1 said:
Hi , I’ve been to a few masses at my local church and I’m not sure what to do , after the service most people just leave and that’s it and it seems like nobody knows anyone because it’s quite a big church and everyone seems a bit hostile no one talks to eachother before or after mass and on Sunday I saw no one going for coffee after mass so I dont really know what todo maybe I get to know a few people but it’s hard when they leave straight away maybe I’ll get to know more people over time ? It’s like there’s no time to introduce your self apart from peace be with you bit ?
Any thoughts on this ?
Click to expand...
This is one of the greatest drawbacks I think in Catholic parishes. You might be able to get involved in one of the parish ministries, or attend a meeting to meet people. There is an association of women at my parish that meet to make altar cloths and other decorations. A very useful resource is the parish office manager. That person usually knows everyone and every thing. You and all who experience this type of disconnect will be in my prayers.

ps, you might contact the diocese to see if there is a Catholic Charismatic Center nearby. They tend to be much more into fellowship.
 
Thanks for all your advice , I will see what I can do only is coffee served after mass all the time becuase most people leave and cuz it’s a big congrigation there are differnt people coming and going all the time so I try and meet some of the regulars or somthing and go todos coffee afterwards
 
guanophore said:
ps, you might contact the diocese to see if there is a Catholic Charismatic Center nearby. They tend to be much more into fellowship.
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That’s interesting.

I’m curious as to why that is. That is one area I feel the Catholic Church can much improve.

One can have a solemn mass, and then fellowship afterwards. It’s like when you’re in class, you are not supposed to talk, but during recess/lunch all bets are off. What’s wrong with that?
 
Some churches always have coffee and stuff after every Sunday Mass, others just do so once a month. I’ve gone to a few places and have had conversations with others even brief ones especially if I have traveled a fair distance. Some places have elaborate setups for fellowship, others simple ones.

The last few times for EF Masses, one of the places has a social of types of Mass in an area outside the sanctuary. Parishioners bring in refreshments like cookies and drinks. They do this the first Sunday of each month after the Missa Cantata they do on the first Sunday of each month. Those I spoke to were kind and welcoming to me, and appreciative of the fact I came a good distance to go to the EF Mass in their community that meets at the diocesan cathedral chapel.

In both types of communities, the priest(s) mingles with those in the gathering space outside the sanctuary to greet & speak with both parishioners & visitors.
 
MissRose73 said:
Some churches always have coffee and stuff after every Sunday Mass, others just do so once a month. I’ve gone to a few places and have had conversations with others even brief ones especially if I have traveled a fair distance. Some places have elaborate setups for fellowship, others simple ones.

The last few times for EF Masses, one of the places has a social of types of Mass in an area outside the sanctuary. Parishioners bring in refreshments like cookies and drinks. They do this the first Sunday of each month after the Missa Cantata they do on the first Sunday of each month. Those I spoke to were kind and welcoming to me, and appreciative of the fact I came a good distance to go to the EF Mass in their community that meets at the diocesan cathedral chapel.

In both types of communities, the priest(s) mingles with those in the gathering space outside the sanctuary to greet & speak with both parishioners & visitors.
Click to expand...
Awesome!
 
Chuck1 said:
Thanks for all your advice , I will see what I can do only is coffee served after mass all the time becuase most people leave and cuz it’s a big congrigation there are differnt people coming and going all the time so I try and meet some of the regulars or somthing and go todos coffee afterwards
Click to expand...
Great Chuck! All you need to do is start talking regularly to one or two people and they will introduce you to more. Have a great day!
 
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