L
Love_Booasaurus
Guest
I am an adult convert to the Church. My wife of 18 months was raised Catholic until her mother (who was Catholic) died when she was an early teen, but then lapsed until we married. This makes us the only two practicing Catholics in our entire extended families.
We have a daughter on the way, and a desire to raise our daughter in an observant environment that values family, faith, and orthodoxy. This includes Christ’s view on marriage: that which God has joined, we cannot break apart.
*My parents divorced almost a decade ago. *
My father is an atheist with strong anti-Catholic sentiment, and has come to believe that marriage is nothing but a legal institution to force men to provide for women past childbearing age. He not only believes in divorce, but is now passively hostile to the idea of marriage.
My mother is nominally a protestant, but of a very “1960s” relativist style, jumping from church to church without any thought to differences in doctrine. She is the very model of the “cafeteria protestant,” if you will. She not only believes that divorce is fine, but that not allowing it is unloving and thus not in keeping with Jesus.
My wife’s father is nominally protestant, but lives a secular life. It has probably never occurred to him that divorce might not be a valid act.
All three of our surviving parents are now living in long term illicit relationships
My father has a woman he co-habits with, and who acts as a wife in all but name. He has no plans to marry her, since he dismisses the institution.
My mother remarried a divorced protestant man in a UCC religious ceremony. She considers him her husband, and would be very offended at any suggestion to the contrary.
My wife’s father remarried after his wife’s death, but he remarried a divorced woman whose husband is still alive.
To the best of my knowledge, all parties are correctly baptized Christians.
The problem
Firstly, I don’t know how to explain to my daughter that the man who lives with grandma isn’t grandpa. Our daughter will grow up with three grandparents, all living in the model of man and wife with people that the Church would not recognize as their spouse. I also worry about how the ubiquitous display of living in adultery will shape my daughter’s understanding of marriage and family.
Secondly, there is a positive expectation that we will not just accept but affirm to our children that the two civil marriages are valid. Ironically it is only my atheist and adamantly anti-Catholic father who won’t disown us if we don’t teach our child that the relationship he is modeling is a valid marriage.
My family has an elephant in the room, and the worst part is, only my wife and I believe in elephants. It seems like we might have to alienate most of our family in order to raise our daughter in a right understanding of marriage.
Any advice or suggestions on how to navigate this situation, any personal stories or experiences about how you dealt with a similar situation, any ideas about how to square this circle; it would all be more than welcome.
We have a daughter on the way, and a desire to raise our daughter in an observant environment that values family, faith, and orthodoxy. This includes Christ’s view on marriage: that which God has joined, we cannot break apart.
*My parents divorced almost a decade ago. *
My father is an atheist with strong anti-Catholic sentiment, and has come to believe that marriage is nothing but a legal institution to force men to provide for women past childbearing age. He not only believes in divorce, but is now passively hostile to the idea of marriage.
My mother is nominally a protestant, but of a very “1960s” relativist style, jumping from church to church without any thought to differences in doctrine. She is the very model of the “cafeteria protestant,” if you will. She not only believes that divorce is fine, but that not allowing it is unloving and thus not in keeping with Jesus.
My wife’s father is nominally protestant, but lives a secular life. It has probably never occurred to him that divorce might not be a valid act.
All three of our surviving parents are now living in long term illicit relationships
My father has a woman he co-habits with, and who acts as a wife in all but name. He has no plans to marry her, since he dismisses the institution.
My mother remarried a divorced protestant man in a UCC religious ceremony. She considers him her husband, and would be very offended at any suggestion to the contrary.
My wife’s father remarried after his wife’s death, but he remarried a divorced woman whose husband is still alive.
To the best of my knowledge, all parties are correctly baptized Christians.
The problem
Firstly, I don’t know how to explain to my daughter that the man who lives with grandma isn’t grandpa. Our daughter will grow up with three grandparents, all living in the model of man and wife with people that the Church would not recognize as their spouse. I also worry about how the ubiquitous display of living in adultery will shape my daughter’s understanding of marriage and family.
Secondly, there is a positive expectation that we will not just accept but affirm to our children that the two civil marriages are valid. Ironically it is only my atheist and adamantly anti-Catholic father who won’t disown us if we don’t teach our child that the relationship he is modeling is a valid marriage.
My family has an elephant in the room, and the worst part is, only my wife and I believe in elephants. It seems like we might have to alienate most of our family in order to raise our daughter in a right understanding of marriage.
Any advice or suggestions on how to navigate this situation, any personal stories or experiences about how you dealt with a similar situation, any ideas about how to square this circle; it would all be more than welcome.