Advice with helping a mother with two kids

[Charybdis]

Hi everyone,

I need some advice with this situation I find myself in. About 5 weeks ago, my wife and I got a call from a friend in our church saying that there was a young woman (27 yrs. old) with two kids who was homeless and needed a place to stay for the night. We said OK. They brought her over and they stayed with us. Well, long story short, since she had no place to go, us along with that same friend who originally called us, are now splitting time hosting this woman and her kids at our houses and running around taking her kids to school, picking them up, running errands, etc. Both of us have families and have five children each who also need things done for them as any busy family does.

To make matters worse, the woman is also pregnant and due in December. She had a job but for some reason, lost it this past week. Not good. One of the things that makes this all the harder for us is that we live almost 25 minutes one way drive to where her kids go to public school and it makes it very difficult for us to make special trips all that way just to take them to school. The prospects for her future are very bad. Not only that, but she is not helping herself and is starting to act rude to our friend when she stays over at her house.

Here’s my question to you all. I want to have her try to find a place to live nearer to the school to relieve the burden on us if possible. I will give her until late November to do so, which will be 3 months since all this began.

Would it be right to turn her out like that because I know that my wife will resist this plan somewhat because she will feel guilty for doing something like that when this woman needs help. I feel guilty as well, but the situation has no end in sight and the financial aspects will start playing a part in all of this as well as the gas bill and the electric bill and the water bill start rising, etc.

What do you all say? Am I bad for wanting to do this or should I just keep going no matter how hard it is?

 

[1Lord1Faith]

Not enough info for me to give an opinion. Too many questions.

She has no other family?
Welfare…TANF, WIC…?Are you in the US?
Father(s) of her children?..child support?

 

[Clementine14]

It is certainly not wrong to decide you cannot continue to have her and her children stay with you, especially considering her rudeness and the strain the arrangement is putting on your family.

However, I would not wait until late November. She is due to have a baby in December, and you do not want to have her scrambling when she is almost due. Help her to get in touch with the appropriate social services now, and they will help her find housing and arrange for any other benefits she is eligible for.

 

[pianistclare]

Call the parish St Vincent DePaul SOciety.
They find homes for people like her all the time. There are resources besides generous parishioners.

 

[Vonsalza]

You’re in the chair on this one, so it’s your call. But I probably wouldn’t shove the lady out a month or so shy of delivery. Babies tend not to follow schedules and the stress of eviction might mean she has less time than both you or she thinks.

If I couldn’t find a place for her NOW, I’d be prepped to ride this one out until spring and help her research and secure the ocean of aid available to single mothers with children (esp babies). When I paid the higher utility bills, I’d think of all the delightful treasures in heaven that the Lord is surely going to reward me with while I help this young woman out.

But your call. I’d work on establishing some boundaries in the meantime about how she treats your guests.

 

[Horton]

Contact your state’s equivalent to health & human services. There should be a directory on your states official website. From there you should be able to find the location nearest you. They should have a list of resources available for this young woman including longer term shelters for women with children. They can assist the woman with housing, food stamps, medical assistance, transportation, employment when she is ready to go back to work, and childcare when she does.

There are many religious organizations, like St Vincent DePaul Society, that can help short term but it sounds as though this young woman needs long term assistance. SVDP and other charitable resources can help when she needs specific help.

There may be waiting lists for such places so be prepared to have her in your & your friend’s home for a while longer but do not wait to help her sign up for benefits.

 

[Katie777]

I just wanted to add that you have a kind and generous heart op.

I think it’s wonderful for you to open your home and to seek assistance to help this young mother land on her feet.

I am praying for all of you.

 

[Charybdis]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. There has been some major news over the weekend. A gentleman from the Birthright organization nearby responded to my call and after some moving and shaking, the Salvation Army is helping the woman get a place where she needs to be closer to the kids’ school.

As far as we know, she will be going there tomorrow. We just need to finish moving some of her things by Thursday when my schedule allows it and I should be free of this situation then.

Please pray for this woman and her kids, she really needs it.

 

[MaryT777]

That is wonderful news; thanks for the update. I will definitely pray for ALL involved.

 

[Charybdis]

OK, here’s the final update. She moved back into town with the help of the Salvation Army. We moved her things into a storage unit so she can have access to all her stuff.

I believe that she still really needs long term help, as in, job training, child care, etc from some excellent professional organizations relatively nearby. However, she is insistent that she not move to go to one of these fine places. Oh well, you can lead a horse to water…

THank you for all the advice and concern. Please keep her and her children in your prayers. We have done all we can, the rest is now up to her in getting the proper help she needs for the rest of her life.

Peace.