advice

[Mike2004]

I need some advice on how I should approach this situation:

My younger brother just turned 21 in January. He has been going down to the casinos in Atlantic City, NJ. He goes with my uncle, who has a gambling addiction/problem and my uncles 2 kids (23, 21) who in my opinion also have the same problem. I just found out this weeked that my brother has been playing cards down there. He always said he went for the shows, food, and boardwalk but now he told me he plays blackjack and that he won $2,500. My parents don’t know that he has been gambling. I warned him of the addiction that my uncle and cousins have and that he shouldn’t go down there because it could happen to him. He responded that he brings $100 for spending money and he knows when to stop. Like I said my parents don’t know and would be very upset if they found out. He lives at home, rent free and works 40 hours a week, goes to school 3 nights a week and graduates this year. He gives my mom a certain amount of money per week to put in the bank ( he is not responsible with money, it burns holes in his pocket if it’s there to long).

So now to my question, I know he still has the money he won in his possesion how should I approach him about putting it in the bank without my parents knowing where the money came from. And also how to stop him from going down there. I’m just concerned and I’m afriad he may become an addict and gamble what he has away.

thanks

 

[space_ghost]

Mike2004:

I need some advice on how I should approach this situation:

My younger brother just turned 21 in January. He has been going down to the casinos in Atlantic City, NJ. He goes with my uncle, who has a gambling addiction/problem and my uncles 2 kids (23, 21) who in my opinion also have the same problem. I just found out this weeked that my brother has been playing cards down there. He always said he went for the shows, food, and boardwalk but now he told me he plays blackjack and that he won $2,500. My parents don’t know that he has been gambling. I warned him of the addiction that my uncle and cousins have and that he shouldn’t go down there because it could happen to him. He responded that he brings $100 for spending money and he knows when to stop. Like I said my parents don’t know and would be very upset if they found out. He lives at home, rent free and works 40 hours a week, goes to school 3 nights a week and graduates this year. He gives my mom a certain amount of money per week to put in the bank ( he is not responsible with money, it burns holes in his pocket if it’s there to long).

So now to my question, I know he still has the money he won in his possesion how should I approach him about putting it in the bank without my parents knowing where the money came from. And also how to stop him from going down there. I’m just concerned and I’m afriad he may become an addict and gamble what he has away.

thanks

…maybe a place to start…
gamblersanonymous.org/20questions.html
or
gam-anon.org/gamanon/index.htm

unfortunately, like drunks, they have to hit bottom before you can change their minds…

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

unfortunately, like drunks, they have to hit bottom before you can change their minds… that is true.

 

[Shiann]

:nodding:

You can provide him the information. But you cannot make him be financially responsible with ANY of his money.

Beyond informing him of his financial responsibilities, I would stay out of it if I were you. I would NOT speak of this to your mother. It isn’t your place.

I understand all too well your position. And in my attempt to help, I alienated both my brother- and my mother (who wishes to mother her baby ). You will do NO good by getting in the middle of this. You should just work on being there when he hits bottom… because if gambling truly IS a problem for your brother- he will hit bottom.

Not very fair. But the “Prodigal Son” comes to mind in this case…

Just food for thought.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Mike2004:

I just found out this weeked that my brother has been playing cards down there. He always said he went for the shows, food, and boardwalk but now he told me he plays blackjack and that he won $2,500. My parents don’t know that he has been gambling.*** I warned him of the addiction that my uncle and cousins have and that he shouldn’t go down there because it could happen to him.*** He responded that he brings $100 for spending money and he knows when to stop.

thanks

There is nothing wrong with gambling in and of itself. I totally understand that you are worried because you have seen firsthand how an addiction can destroy lives… but with that said, I don’t think it is your place to get involved.

From what you have said above I don’t see a gambling problem. True, he may be lying to you when he says he knows when to stop. But there are people who only take a certain mount of money with them and actually do stop when it’s all gone. Just the fact that your bro still has the $2500 and didn’t blow it trying to win more seems to be a good sign.

When you say that it could happen to him you are right. But so could any addiction. There are plenty of people who have addictions to food and are severely obese… that doesn’t mean that you should warn your bro away from the all you can eat buffet. Lots of alcoholics too… but does that mean that one should never have a social drink just in case they become addicted?

I understand your fear, but unless you know for certain that your brother’s gambling is a problem, there is nothing you can do.

A word of advice though… do not lie for him. He may ask you to tell your parents that he doesn’t gamble because he is afraid of what they may think etc. Stand firm and always do what you know to be the right thing.

Malia

 

[Mike2004]

Thanks for all the (name removed by moderator)ut it has helped.