Advocating for divorce

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Dulcinea2721

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A close friend is married to an abusive and adulterous man. She is convinced that because she was married in the catholic church there is no way out. Like a prison sentence of sorts.

I am trying to convince her that she should leave this horrible situation, that no God would fault her for this.

Is there any scripture or writings that would help me show this?
 
Yes guest1, I am Catholic myself. I have read the Catholic position and I will say that it seems to look quite negatively upon divorce and separation. This is why I came here.

I could not possibly believe that the Catholic church would advocate staying in a marriage whatever the circumstance but when I read their position it sounds like this is exactly what they are saying.

Thanks for the sites, I will do more reading
 
Thank you everyone for the sites, I will do more reading.

PS. She did talk to a priest and he did advise her to leave, but she is convinced otherwise.
 
From the Code of Canon Law:
Can. 1153 §1. If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too diYcult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay.
http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P45.HTM
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CCHcolonel said:
Just because she can’t divorce doesn’t mean she can’t leave
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And of course, she can legally divorce. Often, that is the only recourse for protection from an abusive spouse while providing for children.
 
Though it can be mind boggling to understand some abused partners don’t want to leave. There are myriad psychological reasons for this, but it’s possible your friend is using the Church as a cover for deeper issues that are compelling her to stay.

They could be as clear as fear of retribution from the abuser or more complex, like fear of always being alone, poverty, failure etc.
 
True

The victim may fear being alone more than being abused.

Or the victim genuinely believes they cannot support themselves financially if they leave. This could be especially true if they are a housewife and have no employable skills.
 
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Not to mention that some women are literally so beaten down that they don’t think they can cope on their own, or that they fear retribution. Sadly, this is not a theoretical risk; the most dangerous time is right when the victim tries to leave. The violence often escalates and may become homicidal. Also, if she has children or pets, often she can’t just leave with the children (she could be charged with parental abduction) and many shelters won’t allow people to bring their pets. Some abusive partners will threaten to harm the pet if the person tries to leave.
 
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Thanks everyone,

This has really been helpful. lots of great sites as well, very concise and well worded. Unambiguous,

She indeed may not be “able” to leave for whatever reason.

She definitely needs support and prayers

Thanks again
 
This reaction is not in the least unusual. One of the problems with abuse is that the victim soon loses any shred of self confidence, and a significant connection with reality. They are convinced beyond a doubt that they are responsible for the abuse: " If I wouldn’t just (fill in the blank) he would (love me/stop hitting). There are abuse survivor groups and there is help for her, but she has to be willing to go, and she will have to overcome the voice in her head which continues to blame her or convince her that she is part of the provocations. Loss of self worth, loss of dignity, and the loss of self confidence are not minor issues; they are massive and very difficult, if not impossible, for many victims to overcome.

She needs far more than information from a priest. Information is not the problem; answer the information issue and another issue will simply take its place.

I have no idea if you can help, but you may be the only lifeline this woman has; you may wish to explore the matter with a survivors group, or find a counselor who specializes in spousal abuse and see what, if anything, you might be able to do to get her the help she needs.

Realize also that the demons she faces may be a total mystery to you. You likely will find this very frustrating as it will not make much, if any sense.

And be careful. I have no idea of the proclivities of the spouse, but some of them take less than kindly to what they perceive as messing in their marriage.

God bless you, and pray. And then see if you can find people who actually understand the dynamics at play and see if you can find a way to get her to real help.
 
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