M
MisSpellin
Guest
Two days ago, I was before the blessed sacrament in adoration. I had been contemplating the gospel readings from the previous week, and the readings from 1/25/18 (the Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul) stood out for me. It was the idea that God’s way is one of examination (not accusation, which is the way of the evil one). In other words, throughout scripture, there are cases of God helping his children to arrive at the truth through questions. This was done with Adam and Eve after the apple debacle, and Elijah when he took refuge from queen Jezebel in a cave, and with Jesus and the disciples on the Road to Emmaus, and with Paul in his conversion story. So, after my contemplation, I was alone in the chapel, and without much temerity, I said, " Ok Jesus, I see this is your way. I have come to you with so many questions and requests, but now I understand that it is best for you to question me. So, go ahead, examine me."
I bowed my head and waited for Jesus in my heart. I was expecting a long wait. Almost immediately, my lungs began to fill with air. I began to deeply breathe in these great gentle breaths. I understood that Jesus wanted me to breathe so I participated with this for as long as it was needed. Then I heard Jesus speak softly, “Why are you afraid of me?”
Today, I came to understand something, you see, I always want to pray for my extended family who have not fully embraced Jesus and the Catholic Faith and who are suffering because they do not know and do not take joy in God’s love and mercy. So I think the attention called to my being afraid of Jesus has something to do with understanding how they feel. I think they are afraid too. Then it occurred to me that maybe the whole world is afraid. Ok, maybe not the saints, they conquered their fear, or … charitably made friends with it.
So, what about you, in your heart of hearts, are you afraid of Jesus? Why is that?
I bowed my head and waited for Jesus in my heart. I was expecting a long wait. Almost immediately, my lungs began to fill with air. I began to deeply breathe in these great gentle breaths. I understood that Jesus wanted me to breathe so I participated with this for as long as it was needed. Then I heard Jesus speak softly, “Why are you afraid of me?”
- some points (1.) I did read 1cor: 7-32-35 2nd reading from Sun. 1/28/18 I knew I was supposed to endeavor to adhere to the Lord without the distraction of anxieties, and that was my intention. (2.) I’m a daily mass goer, and a frequenter of the sacraments so I don’t feel I fit the common profile of one afraid of Jesus- meaning lack of faith (I have plenty), lack of knowledge (I’m well catechized), encumbered by mortal sins (nope) , or lack of God’s presence in my life (I pray and offer thanksgiving throughout the day). (3) all that stuff about “don’t be anxious” was out the window, and I was moved to such tears, and my mind was suddenly a whirl of all these things and more.
Today, I came to understand something, you see, I always want to pray for my extended family who have not fully embraced Jesus and the Catholic Faith and who are suffering because they do not know and do not take joy in God’s love and mercy. So I think the attention called to my being afraid of Jesus has something to do with understanding how they feel. I think they are afraid too. Then it occurred to me that maybe the whole world is afraid. Ok, maybe not the saints, they conquered their fear, or … charitably made friends with it.
So, what about you, in your heart of hearts, are you afraid of Jesus? Why is that?