After 2 year absence, hubby went to church today!

[mommyof4]

Ok, I have a good news/bad news dilemma. Today, after a two year absence from Church, my husband finaly decided to go to mass with us today. I can’t tell you the number of prayers my kids and myself have offered for this day to come! We are very greatful, and my heart just is overflowing with gratitude to the Holy Spirt for granting our prayer.

My dilemma: My husband did not go to confession before returning, and he also went to communion. I know that it is a mortal sin for a person to receive communion after such a long period of not going. I don’t know if he knows this, however. We were separated by our four childen during mass, so I didn’t have time to clue him in before he went. I don’t know if he would have listened to me, anyway. He feels that the church is too strict in it’s rules, and I doubt that my information would have stopped him. I’m also afraid that if I tell him this, it will just make him all the more resistant about going to mass again in the future.

So what do I do? I don’t like the idea of the eucharist being received wrongly, but I really don’t want to do anything that will make my husband less likely to go to mass again in the future.

Thank you for your help.

 

[carol_marie]

It’s my understanding that it’s only a mortal sin if he knows that missing mass is wrong. Did he realize / believe that?

At any rate, I am so happy that he went today! I think if it were me, I wouldn’t say much for awhile… I’d make sure he wants to keep coming and then could you maybe suggest that you all go to confession as a family?

And meanwhile, pray pray pray! Obviously the prayers are working!

God Bless,
CM

 

[chicago]

While, objectively, perhaps a person in this situation should ideally first go to confession; in reality perhaps they aren’t comprehending the whole idea of having committed “mortal sin” (in which case perhaps they subjectively didn’t - only God knows). I’m of the opinion that a first step of such a person returning to Mass, even if they go ahead and receive is a grace in and of itself whereby the Lord might grant his life through the Sacrament in order to draw that person nearer to Him. In fact, getting too hard on them too fast about what they should and shouldn’t be doing could just scare them away again. Allow God to work in the person’s life, and with time perhaps they will eventually be gently nudged back to confession, resolving everything in finality. You have to deal with kid gloves in a situation like this. Though if the person seems open to it, perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad thing to ask if they would like to go to confession sometime, also. If not, well, then they could know that it is always there available for them when they choose and find themselves ready and interested.

 

[mommyof4]

In fact, getting too hard on them too fast about what they should and shouldn’t be doing could just scare them away again.

I agree. The last thing I want to do is to drive him away even further. I want my husband back in church, but I just don’t want our Lord to be grieved, either.

 

[MyPhilomena]

yes you ought to broach it carefully when you speak with him, but he should not be receiving Holy Communion without going to confession first. You could have your priest speak with him, and you could tell your priest that after 2 years, my hubby decided to return to Mass, and he went to receive Holy Communion, but he did not go to confession first. Ask your priest to talk to him, but without the priest telling him you spoke to the priest first, can that be done? If the priest were to go and welcome him before Mass starts, perhaps the priest could speak with him privately?

 

[stbruno]

Just a thought…Say honey, I am going to confession today, I thought maybe you might like to come with me, and afterwards, maybe we could go out for dinner, movie, lunch, drive …you decide the last part. Approach it as a way to nurture your relationship…when we go to confession at our house, it is a family event and we always plan to stop for lunch, ice cream or another outing attached to it. And the kids look forward to the whole event.

This way, you are ensuring that you are not beating it over his head that he did something gravely wrong…but you are bringing him back to reconciling fully with God. God’s mercy is unbelievable!

 

[mommyof4]

yes you ought to broach it carefully when you speak with him, but he should not be receiving Holy Communion without going to confession first. You could have your priest speak with him, and you could tell your priest that after 2 years, my hubby decided to return to Mass, and he went to receive Holy Communion, but he did not go to confession first. Ask your priest to talk to him, but without the priest telling him you spoke to the priest first, can that be done? If the priest were to go and welcome him before Mass starts, perhaps the priest could speak with him privately?

Part of the problem is that my husband does not like the priest. I think that if he brought up the subject to my husband, it would just drive the wedge further in.

 

[mommyof4]

Just a thought…Say honey, I am going to confession today, I thought maybe you might like to come with me, and afterwards, maybe we could go out for dinner, movie, lunch, drive …you decide the last part. Approach it as a way to nurture your relationship…when we go to confession at our house, it is a family event and we always plan to stop for lunch, ice cream or another outing attached to it. And the kids look forward to the whole event.

This way, you are ensuring that you are not beating it over his head that he did something gravely wrong…but you are bringing him back to reconciling fully with God. God’s mercy is unbelievable!

I’ll try this, I think. It might take a while, but maybe he will eventually get there.

Thank you to everyone who has reponded so far. It does help me sort things out and develop a “plan.”

 

[MyPhilomena]

Part of the problem is that my husband does not like the priest. I think that if he brought up the subject to my husband, it would just drive the wedge further in.

can you go to another church for awhile then?

 

[mommyof4]

can you go to another church for awhile then?

I’ve tried that approach, too. No, he doesn’t want another Church, either. I think part of his problem is that he is very busy at work, and often uses all of his free time at home on Saturday and Sundays to get caught up. One of the big things I pray for is for things to get less busy at work (even if it means that we don’t make as much money) so he does not feel that he has no time to go to chuch.

 

[Rawb]

Maybe you can print something off the internet that discusses why this is wrong. Print some other stuff too about general Catholic apologetics. Put the page about the eucharist on top of the pile. Write across the top “Hope this helps!” and leave them somewhere where he will see them. If he asks you about them or you see him reading it, say you have a friend who was asking you some questions and you thought that would help her.

…not quite truthful, but it does get the info to your husband.

Or, if you have a missal with one of those messages in the front encouraging catholics to examine their conscience before recieving and you have a child young enough to not read, have her ask her daddy at the start of next mass “What does this say?”

…I’m getting to be too sneaky for my own good.

 

[mommyof4]

Maybe you can print something off the internet that discusses why this is wrong. Print some other stuff too about general Catholic apologetics. Put the page about the eucharist on top of the pile. Write across the top “Hope this helps!” and leave them somewhere where he will see them. If he asks you about them or you see him reading it, say you have a friend who was asking you some questions and you thought that would help her.

…not quite truthful, but it does get the info to your husband.

Or, if you have a missal with one of those messages in the front encouraging catholics to examine their conscience before recieving and you have a child young enough to not read, have her ask her daddy at the start of next mass “What does this say?”

…I’m getting to be too sneaky for my own good.

good ideas -thanks!

 

[Mommyof02green]

good ideas -thanks!

I like Rawb Idea of printing stuff off and saying its for a friend. However I would not attach “gender” to the friend.

Reason: If you are anything like me, you consider your spouse to be your friend. So I would say: I just printed those out for a friend I figured it would help them…you’re not attaching gender, therefore you aren’t lying.

Or you could find a friend that you “could” print stuff for and you can say: “yeah, I printed those for ____, she’s getting to doing some Catholic Apologetics and I thought those would help her.” (However make sure you got a friend that would need it); again you wouldn’t be lying then.

Or you print them off and say,” I printed those for myself, because I of the “chats” I get into on the forums. I thought it was good for me to have…" take them back and make 0 remarks on how you feel that he should go to confession.

I also like the idea, of making a night out of it. Arrange to have a sitter for the kids if needed, and say I’ve made plans for us to have a date, got a sitter and all… Dinner and a movie, however before we go to the restaurant I want to stop at the church for confession…

 

[Rawb]

If you are anything like me, you consider your spouse to be your friend. So I would say: I just printed those out for a friend I figured it would help them…you’re not attaching gender, therefore you aren’t lying.

Oohh…you’re even clever-er than I am! Though neither of us is as clever as a woman I know at church, who has a green scapular hidden behind her daughter’s bed, and another hanging from her bedroom over the bed (her husband has no idea what it is).

good ideas -thanks!

Your welcome!

 

[mommyof4]

Yep - I’ve gone down the scapular, holy water, palms in the bedroom, kitchen, den route for a while now, too. I’ve even blessed his computer, and sprinkled some holy water on his clothes as I do laundry. I’ve even hidden scapulars in his den and clothes closet! Holy pictures all over the house. I think my house has been sacramentaled to death!

 

[Maria3m]

The thread: Nobody at Confession…Everyone for Eucharist has me asking this question.

My mom is just returning to the church. I feel I have to be very careful because she’s so hurt by past experiences and so angry at God that she could walk away never to return.

The problem is she has been gone DECADES. We’ve talked and I know that she hasn’t gone to confession after being away for so long, but continues to go up to receive Our Lord.

She says she’s not ready to go to confession and probably since she heard most people don’t need confession (explained in the thread mentioned above) she probably won’t be going any time soon.

It’s hard to watch her receive while still talking venom about priests who wronged her to anyone who will listen and knowing she just left her boyfriend in bed to come to mass. (No, I don’t know that they are intimate…so maybe that’s not a serious sin)

What can I do? Should I do anything? If someone thinks I should, I’m worried she’ll walk away…any suggestions on how to word it?

 

[punisherthunder]

I started the aforementioned post and I can tell you that…I know with all my heart and soul that the Lord is in the Eucharist. I believe in it with everything that I have. But I still deny myself. I’m a logical sort of person like that.

As for you and your mother, maybe going to another parish? Talk to a priest and see if he would be open in talking to your mother. There is hope.

 

[Tietjen]

The thread: Nobody at Confession…Everyone for Eucharist has me asking this question.

My mom is just returning to the church. I feel I have to be very careful because she’s so hurt by past experiences and so angry at God that she could walk away never to return.

The problem is she has been gone DECADES. We’ve talked and I know that she hasn’t gone to confession after being away for so long, but continues to go up to receive Our Lord.

She says she’s not ready to go to confession and probably since she heard most people don’t need confession (explained in the thread mentioned above) she probably won’t be going any time soon.

It’s hard to watch her receive while still talking venom about priests who wronged her to anyone who will listen and knowing she just left her boyfriend in bed to come to mass. (No, I don’t know that they are intimate…so maybe that’s not a serious sin)

What can I do? Should I do anything? If someone thinks I should, I’m worried she’ll walk away…any suggestions on how to word it?

I’m sorry that you are going through this. It has to be hard knowing something is wrong and then watching those you love participate in it. However, you do need to talk to your mom about this. I can understand that you’re worried that your mom will “walk away” from the church if she is confronted, but the question is, is she really “there” now? I don’t know what it is that happened in the past that caused your mom to initially leave the Church, but I hope that she will consider speaking with a priest, deacon, or maybe a Catholic therapist (Catholic Charities can help with this) about the situation. Is your mom angry at the Church herself or a specific priest(s) from the past? If her anger isn’t directed at the Church herself, try explaining to her about the importance of Confession. Do this gently and explain to her that it’s because you care about her that you are confronting her on this issue. Because she has been away from the Church for so long, have you considered volunteering to accompany her to RCIA classes? If she’d be willing to go, it would gently remind her of many of the Church’s beliefs/teachings and at the same time would be a great way to spend some time with your mom. I’ll pray for you and you mom. Take care.

 

[chicago]

I fear that, ultimately, these problems are less of something for us to worry about and more a matter which the individuals themselves are responsible for and need to deal with in their own time. Yes, as we are practically able, we should invite and gracefully attempt to draw them towards the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We ought work and pray that they might grow in their devotion to the LORD such that such sacramental forgiveness is desired. We must, in care, provide opportunity which is not intimidating nor cause for defensiveness, but rather meets them where they are. Yet, in the end, all we can do is offer our own pain of the situation in unison with the Mass, trusting that God who is Mercy will provide and is big enough to handle it all.