Age difference

[Corinne3]

WHY are you asking OP?

My h is 9 years younger than me. More than anyone has said on here. OK. Whatever. Sometimes I have felt this does have something to do with his porn issues, and his strip club obsession but in the long run, I feel it really doesn’t, at all! He could be completely immature and be 60! He could have a porn problem and be 70! It has to do with the person he is. I know for one thing, I would have married my h whether he was 25 or 65, why? because I loved him.

I do feel though since my husband is not a Catholic and lives by the world, he does wish now at nearly 45 yo, that he sowed his wild oats before marriage, sad. I think he wishes he wasn’t tied down with kids/marriage/whatever. He wishes he were single. (MId-life crisis speaking). I tell him OK then, you are free to leave and go do it. He refuses. Guess wants to have his cake and eat it too. YCCH.

But I KNOW in my gut he wants it. This is my dilemma. He has frequented strip joints now for 5 years, becoming thrilled with one stripper, (as some of you know) and flirts with women on the internet. OWWWW this makes me hate him beyond belief. I will never respect him since this. EVER. So basically our marriage is a sham. That’s life I guess.

 

[JohnDamian]

There was 19 1/2 years age difference between my parents.

There were no age-related problems. Although as my father died young; this did leave a young widow (in her 40’s).

 

[CelticSword]

It really depends on the personalities of the individuals involved. The two times I’ve dated women older than me (and not by much. Less than 2 years.), each woman had a very strong, choleric temperament. It just felt a little weird to me, as if they were trying to mother me. I made the mistake in assuming it was simply because they were older, but I now realize it was because they each had such domineering personalities.

Still, given I act somewhat younger than I actually am, I suppose, I prefer dating younger women. I have a limit, though. I’m 34, and I doubt I would go younger than 25 at this point.

 

[KrazyKaiju]

How do you all feel about a younger guy dating an older woman? Not a huge age difference, but more like 3-4 years. Would that present any problems? Thank you.

I’m perfectly fine with such an age difference. The only “problems” I see are ones of social acceptance. Some people may not be ready to accept such an age difference. The only reason I’d refuse to date someone 3-4 years older is because I think the girl (often times) would be deterred by such a difference. Perhaps she just wouldn’t want to date a younger guy.

But then again, maybe you know her better and know that she isn’t. In which case, go for it.

 

[horselvr]

Well, well, well, Bad Turkey, it seems you may have found a little bit of time for some romance.

“Not a huge age difference, but more like 3-4 years.” Well three or four years won’t even qualify for the old grave robber joke.

As long as your not a kid I say go for it. Hopefully you’ll have more time to invest than just a cup of coffee though.

 

[ac_claire]

I don’t think it’s a problem. FWIW, I’m 3 years older than my husband. We hardly ever think about the age difference-- it’s like a non-issue. We were 26 and 29 when we met. No issues at all.

 

[kelvinf]

Ok, I really -]like/-] prefer girls who are older than me. It has come to a point where I behave differently towards girls of different age groups. My preferred behaviour (i.e. when I am really myself ) takes shape when I am dealing with an older girl. :dancing: For me, the reason why I prefer older girls is the same reason why most girls prefer boys older than them.

Well, I am worried about the upper age limit. If a man marries an older woman, who becomes the head of the family? Who gets to take the tough decisions?

I do understand that age difference plays a role amongst different age groups. Maybe if the man and the woman are both above 30, then age difference might become insignificant. Other than that, I have a feeling that age difference plays a role.

Aren’t there significant differences between—let’s say—boys in their twenties and girls in their thirties? Maturity…

I also understand that female fertility often declines after 30 — female fertility peaks between the ages of 22-26.
Then Down Syndrome…

In a nutshell, shouldn’t a guy, let’s say, in his twenties, who intends to marry a girl in her thirties have (serious) concerns about differences due to age such as maturity and potential biological shortcomings?

 

[JRKH]

Ok, I really -]like/-] prefer girls who are older than me. It has come to a point where I behave differently towards girls of different age groups. My preferred behaviour (i.e. when I am really myself ) takes shape when I am dealing with an older girl. :dancing: For me, the reason why I prefer older girls is the same reason why most girls prefer boys older than them.

And that reason is…???

Well, I am worried about the upper age limit. If a man marries an older woman, who becomes the head of the family? Who gets to take the tough decisions?

In any marriage, the “tough decisions” are made as a team because marriage is an equal partnership. Where there is Love, there is an understanding between the partners of strengths and weaknesses and preferences.

I do understand that age difference plays a role amongst different age groups. Maybe if the man and the woman are both above 30, then age difference might become insignificant. Other than that, I have a feeling that age difference plays a role.

Age differences can have a growing significance for older people due to health issues. This does not effect the ability to Love each other completely but is something that must be considered.

Aren’t there significant differences between—let’s say—boys in their twenties and girls in their thirties? Maturity…

Depends on the individuals.

I also understand that female fertility often declines after 30 — female fertility peaks between the ages of 22-26.
Then Down Syndrome…

Down syndrome generally is not a big issue until a woman gets into her later thirties.

In a nutshell, shouldn’t a guy, let’s say, in his twenties, who intends to marry a girl in her thirties have (serious) concerns about differences due to age such as maturity and potential biological shortcomings?

Depends. The age range you give is a wide one ranging from a one year difference (29 - 30 to a 19 year difference (20 - 39). The concerns will grow considerably as the age difference grows.

Peace
James

 

[Corinne3]

Ok, I really -]like/-] Well, I am worried about the upper age limit. If a man marries an older woman, who becomes the head of the family? Who gets to take the tough decisions?

Hi Kelvin:

What makes you even think if a man marries an “older woman” that she automatically becomes the head of the family?

This is a very weird statement, IMO. Does age, in your view mean decision making? Well it doesn’t in my view. Age, in my view means nothing.

WHO makes the “tough decisions” has nothing whatsoever to do with age, at all.

I am miffed you think so. But to each his own, in this world.

 

[surfinpure]

Hi Kelvin:

What makes you even think if a man marries an “older woman” that she automatically becomes the head of the family?

This is a very weird statement, IMO. Does age, in your view mean decision making? Well it doesn’t in my view. Age, in my view means nothing.

WHO makes the “tough decisions” has nothing whatsoever to do with age, at all.

I am miffed you think so. But to each his own, in this world.

Way back in one of my psychology courses I learned that there’s a reason women are historically attracted to older males, and men to younger females, and that’s this:

*Older males are more capable of protecting and providing. Younger females are more capable of child-bearing. *

That considered, it’s hard for me to imagine having much respect for a guy five or ten years my junior, or seeing him as head of the household (though I am functionally traditional as far as these roles go). And of course, the younger a couple is overall, the wider that gap seems to be. If I, at the age of 29, were married to a 24-year-old man (or worse, a 19-year-old boy), I’d be running the show here, because I’d be thinking of him as a kid.

(just my perspective and what the textbook told me)

 

[Corinne3]

Way back in one of my psychology courses I learned that there’s a reason women are historically attracted to older males, and men to younger females, and that’s this:

*Older males are more capable of protecting and providing. Younger females are more capable of child-bearing. *

That considered, it’s hard for me to imagine having much respect for a guy five or ten years my junior, or seeing him as head of the household (though I am functionally traditional as far as these roles go). And of course, the younger a couple is overall, the wider that gap seems to be. If I, at the age of 29, were married to a 24-year-old man (or worse, a 19-year-old boy), I’d be running the show here, because I’d be thinking of him as a kid.

(just my perspective and what the textbook told me)

HUMMMMM…
Interesting…

Still, I think age is a moot point. Some 20 year olds are more mature than some 50 year olds. How do you explain this? However, maybe it explains my h’s behavior lately. Look at my threads if you want to know more…

I still think it’s the person, not the age.

BUT, my h is nine years younger than me…maybe he somehow thinks 20-yr olds are so attracted to him now in his 40’s, me in my 50’s. Frankly, I could care less now. I feel if my h desires teens and 20’s and wants to leave me for strippers, he is free to do so. And I could really care less, as he is a pervert anyway. Actually, I would not actually mind if he left me for his favorite stripper. It would free me up, release me, if anyone could understand here…I think he probably will, since he makes me soooo sick, with all his on-going behavior.

Note: last night at Mass, get this: my husband was oagling some teen wearing sweat pants with a scanty top, her boobs hanging out, etc. He was oagling her the entire Mass, even when we went up for communion. When we left, he was even following her walking to the parking lot. I was SO disgusted, I said, “dear would you like to follow that gal and talk to her”? My son said, “you mean the girl in the sweatpants”?..HE knew his dad was oagling her…I said Yes, “dad is oagling some gal your age”…to my 17 yo son…a tussle broke out in the car…NOT WORTH IT…

Made me think again, it is NOT worth it to cause any sort of a rift…just look for a job, save money, then move…away from such a complete pervert,…

Thx all of you for listening…again…

 

[kelvinf]

For me, the reason why I prefer older girls is the same reason why most girls prefer boys older than them.

And that reason is…???

Older males are more capable of protecting and providing

Likewise, older females are more capable of protecting and providing ​

 

[kelvinf]

Hi Kelvin:

What makes you even think if a man marries an “older woman” that she automatically becomes the head of the family?

This is a very weird statement, IMO. Does age, in your view mean decision making? Well it doesn’t in my view. Age, in my view means nothing.

WHO makes the “tough decisions” has nothing whatsoever to do with age, at all.

I am miffed you think so. But to each his own, in this world.

Young people achieve great maturity of intelligence—their ability to calculate, memorise…
However, research shows that cognitive maturity occurs in the mid-twenties. So if an older lady is to marry a guy below 25 years old, then she will face (serious) problems if she prefers to defer to the guidance of the guy.

 

[kelvinf]

Some 20 year olds are more mature than some 50 year olds. How do you explain this?

They might be smart and intelligent but I doubt if a 20-year-old can ever be more matured (physically, mentally and cognitively) than a 50-year-old.

 

[kelvinf]

Way back in one of my psychology courses I learned that there’s a reason women are historically attracted to older males, and men to younger females, and that’s this:

*Older males are more capable of protecting and providing. Younger females are more capable of child-bearing. *

That considered, it’s hard for me to imagine having much respect for a guy five or ten years my junior, or seeing him as head of the household (though I am functionally traditional as far as these roles go). And of course, the younger a couple is overall, the wider that gap seems to be. ** If I, at the age of 29, were married to a 24-year-old man** (or worse, a 19-year-old boy), I’d be running the show here, because I’d be thinking of him as a kid.

(just my perspective and what the textbook told me)

If I were the 24-year-old man (roll on December!), I would be:extrahappy: