Age for Dating?

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I never said they couldn’t have “high school relationships.” I am not a fool who thinks she can totally control teenage hormones, nor do I think that young people are incapable of finding good people to date and even marry. I have been with my DH since the year both of us turned 18.

My kids, I am sure, will have people they like, maybe even love, in high school. But they will not be going on exclusive, one on one dates. They can hang out in groups and be with that special person, or they can invite that person to our home, or they can go to the other kid’s home if I am sure the parents will supervise and are not condom-distributing idiots.

But I will make clear to my children that as much as they might “love” their high school boyfriend/girlfriend, they will not be one-on-one dating until they are adults, nor will they be seriously seeking a spouse until then. As long as I am legally responsible for their actions, I retain the right to exert control. And then, if they want to live in my house after 18, they will have to abide by rules like no overnights and having a job and/or being in school. If they wish not to, then they are adults and can move out! Simple, easy to understand…

If my kids want to test how serious about these things, I suppose they can try, but then I will make it my career to supervise them 24/7. No teen wants that! 😉

P.S. HannahLisa, rules are effective when parents are clear, consistent, strong, and serious in their responsibilities. Mutual respect between parents and children is not an impossible goal. I respect my kids by being clear and consistent, they respect me by obeying and discussing objections politely while still respecting my authority (and my husband’s).
 
My version of “dating” is probably more like courting…BTW, I’m 17, and I’ve never dated, so I’m just curious as to what others think… 😃 One thing I am having trouble with: How do you know if a guy is interested? (I’m rather shy, but would willing to make more of an effort to talk if I knew)…

Also, my group of friends (including guys) are all really good Catholics who have really good parents… 😃 🙂 😃
 
I am impressed with everyone here, in that the lowest age offered was 15 and no one contested that. When I was young, 12 or 13 ws the usual age to start dating, and I have heard of kids of 10 and 11 dating with their parents’ knowledge. It was a bad idea. Not only the issue of boys pushing for sex (and there is no age limit on that) but the problem of not knowing what a date means is worse at a young age. How can a preteen girl have any idea what her relationship is to a boy, his sisters and brothers, and his friends when she has been “going out” with him for a month? He isn’t her boyfriend in an adult sense, but he isn’t just a boy, and they aren’t friends. This confusion made us bland and jaded because any kind of sincere, involved attitude would be the wrong one.
 
I voted 18. Like some others, the term “dating” makes me a little uncomfortable, because I prefer to think of it in terms of “courtship.” Now I say this all hypothetically, as I started dating (as in going out on unsupervised dates with one boy) when I was 15 (bad idea), and my children are all under the age of 7. I have been reading Joshua Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” and while it has a bit of a protestant spin on it, it also has some good points. I wonder if there are some Catholic books out there that guide either young people or their parents in good courtship models.
 
I put “Anything above 18.” Maybe I’m just cynical, but being a high school student and seeing the activity that goes on around me makes me doubt that most people my age can handle relationships. Maybe some can. In fact, I am sure that some kids at 15/16 can be responsible. But most can’t. So I guess I wish this poll had a “Depends” option. 🙂
 
Indeed, there is no “depends on the person and the parents” so I didn’t vote.
 
duskyjewel said:
I never said they couldn’t have “high school relationships.” I am not a fool who thinks she can totally control teenage hormones, nor do I think that young people are incapable of finding good people to date and even marry. I have been with my DH since the year both of us turned 18.

My kids, I am sure, will have people they like, maybe even love, in high school. But they will not be going on exclusive, one on one dates. They can hang out in groups and be with that special person, or they can invite that person to our home, or they can go to the other kid’s home if I am sure the parents will supervise and are not condom-distributing idiots.

But I will make clear to my children that as much as they might “love” their high school boyfriend/girlfriend, they will not be one-on-one dating until they are adults, nor will they be seriously seeking a spouse until then. As long as I am legally responsible for their actions, I retain the right to exert control. And then, if they want to live in my house after 18, they will have to abide by rules like no overnights and having a job and/or being in school. If they wish not to, then they are adults and can move out! Simple, easy to understand…

If my kids want to test how serious about these things, I suppose they can try, but then I will make it my career to supervise them 24/7. No teen wants that! 😉

P.S. HannahLisa, rules are effective when parents are clear, consistent, strong, and serious in their responsibilities. Mutual respect between parents and children is not an impossible goal. I respect my kids by being clear and consistent, they respect me by obeying and discussing objections politely while still respecting my authority (and my husband’s).
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I agree with you on all of this, actually…I think being around family, being in groups, etc. is a much better way to spend time than one on one. I didn’t do any true one on one dating at all until I was eighteen, and even then we still spent/spend a lot of time with each other around family and church.

My parents weren’t very consistent with the rules, so they weren’t very effective. I’m not sure exactly what they objected to, though. If it was one on one dating they didn’t want, I never did that until I was 18 and they stopped giving me rules about most things (though I don’t do things they would strongly object to, either!).
 
khkhk said:
Also, my group of friends (including guys) are all really good Catholics who have really good parents… 😃 🙂 😃
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This puts you at a tremendous advantage. Some of us spent our teen years surrounded entirely by atheists. Your life will unfold very differently if you have devoted Christians in your circle of friends. Good for you!
 
Once again I’m in the minority. I see nothing wrong with “dating.” I loved dating. And I voted 15.

But I think the “dating” model is steadily being replaced by the “hooking up” model. Even in secular society it used to be that you’d date first and there’d be just a possibility of it developing into sex. Nowadays you just start with sex and there’s a possibility of it developing into dating. That’s just creepy.
 
Gamera said:
Once again I’m in the minority. I see nothing wrong with “dating.” I loved dating. And I voted 15.

But I think the “dating” model is steadily being replaced by the “hooking up” model. Even in secular society it used to be that you’d date first and there’d be just a possibility of it developing into sex. Nowadays you just start with sex and there’s a possibility of it developing into dating. That’s just creepy.
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Right on.

I think, perhaps, there is too much of a semantics problem to throw around the word “dating” in a discussion and have everyone understand what everyone else is talking about.

Personally, I’m partial to the way things were done in the old days, as in a hundred years ago. There was no “hooking up,” only courtship. It started at an early age, but it also ended in an early age – with marriage. Somehow back then couples found a way to work through their differences and not divorce each other left and right, either. So what you had then, mostly, were strong bonds, formed at an early age, with one person, and lasting until death.

What do we have now? Weak bonds, formed over and over with different people from the early teens until the mid-twenties to mid-thirties, followed by short, bitter marriages and then divorce, rinse, lather, and repeat. :whacky:
 
I voted 16. I think it depends on the individual. Until they can drive places they can’t really go on “dates” anyway. I met my soon to be husband in 7th grade and we started dating when I was 16. I can’t say I was expecting it to lead to marriage, but I certainly was hoping it would. Even then, I knew I was going to college so It would be no time in the near future. I wanted to find a great guy not just a short time boyfriend to keep me happy. I had dated a few guys before, about 3 that I would actually consider boyfriends, and for each relationship when I realized they weren’t a person I could spend my life with I ended it. Somehow I knew with my fiance that he would be the one once we started dating.
 
ThyKingdomCome said:
I voted 18. Like some others, the term “dating” makes me a little uncomfortable, because I prefer to think of it in terms of “courtship.” Now I say this all hypothetically, as I started dating (as in going out on unsupervised dates with one boy) when I was 15 (bad idea), and my children are all under the age of 7. I have been reading Joshua Harris’ “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” and while it has a bit of a protestant spin on it, it also has some good points. I wonder if there are some Catholic books out there that guide either young people or their parents in good courtship models.
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a really good catholic book about courtship is “Arms of Love” by Carmen Marcoux.
I have read it 3 times already… it is that good
 
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