M
Marysann
Guest
I went to my first funerals when I was in the church choir in middle school and high school. Those were the days! They actually let the altar boys, and us choir girls out of public school for funerals. We girls sang the Gregorian requiem Mass. The hardest funeral Mass to sing was for the mother of one of our classmates who had died of cancer. I didn’t attend any other funerals or go to an wake with an open casket until my grandmother died when I was in my 20’s. No one died in our family during that time.
My sons went to their first wake and funeral when my mother passed away at a relatively young age of cancer. They were 7, 10 and 13. My 13 year old son was a pallbearer with my cousins. He was taller than all of them. The funeral director asked for my husband and me to attend the planning meeting with my father. We were the parents of the only grandchildren who would be able to be at the funeral. After the plans were made, the funeral director talked to us. He said that we could have a private viewing for my boys the next evening. My mother died very early in the morning of the day before Thanksgiving. The funeral director’s wife, and the florist were friends of her’s from her club. Even though it was Thanksgiving Day, the casket with the beautiful flowers was ready that evening. The funeral director wanted us to make sure that the boys, especially the youngest, associated death with the funeral home and not the hospital where their grandmother actually died. He said that it was important for the kids not to fear the hospital, which we hadn’t thought of. The private viewing gave the boys a chance to say goodbye to Grandma without worrying about people seeing them get emotional. One of the saddest things I have ever seen was our youngest sitting on a settee in the back of the room in which my mother’s casket lay, crying is heart out. I still believe that it was a good thing to do, and I was grateful for the sensitivity of the funeral director.
My sons went to their first wake and funeral when my mother passed away at a relatively young age of cancer. They were 7, 10 and 13. My 13 year old son was a pallbearer with my cousins. He was taller than all of them. The funeral director asked for my husband and me to attend the planning meeting with my father. We were the parents of the only grandchildren who would be able to be at the funeral. After the plans were made, the funeral director talked to us. He said that we could have a private viewing for my boys the next evening. My mother died very early in the morning of the day before Thanksgiving. The funeral director’s wife, and the florist were friends of her’s from her club. Even though it was Thanksgiving Day, the casket with the beautiful flowers was ready that evening. The funeral director wanted us to make sure that the boys, especially the youngest, associated death with the funeral home and not the hospital where their grandmother actually died. He said that it was important for the kids not to fear the hospital, which we hadn’t thought of. The private viewing gave the boys a chance to say goodbye to Grandma without worrying about people seeing them get emotional. One of the saddest things I have ever seen was our youngest sitting on a settee in the back of the room in which my mother’s casket lay, crying is heart out. I still believe that it was a good thing to do, and I was grateful for the sensitivity of the funeral director.