AHHHHHH... Why can't I be happy!

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rianredd1088

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I know, ya’ll know I have SSA. I am falling back into my old ways of doing things. I am watching the gay-porn again, I am seeing my-self checking out other guys, WHY WHY WHY!? I wanna be happy, i am not happy being a Homo, but i wanna feel loved, I want someone in my life. I just dont get it. I can’t believe that because I am Catholic, I can’t be happy. I HATE going to the priest time after time, telling him what I did, just to do it again, hey i even think he’s starting to think i am not trully sorry. There are so many Christian denominations that don’t require you to go to a preacher, why do I have to go to the priest. Thats what I HATE most about the church. Now i gotta wait until Saturday to see the priest! I can’t make an appointment with him, I just can’t, I don’t feel comfortable doing it. Then I can’t pray because I have a guilty concience and i can’t concentrate. I hate this, Why me, I hate this. 😦
 
Maybe a private blog is a best answer for you to handle these concerns to vent out, I’m sure there many private groups for you to discuss feeling in private.

It is difficult to understand you have trouble going to a priest, when you can publicly discuss it on a forum of this nature.
 
Oh my Gosh… :eek:

When did my brother write this, Oh my gosh, I am sorry if it offended anyone, oh my gosh. Im truly sorry, he is just going through a hard time right now. Today at school, he heard some “non-denomintational” christians talking about their bi-sexual relationships, and he got kinda down in the dumps. He thought he had it “Under-control”, but then he started doing these thigns again.
I can believe he said he hated confession, i don’t know what to do, i don’t know what he’s going through, you see, he has been having these fellings fo r this girl, but he also has “HOMO” fellings.
 
Each one of us, if we examine our conscience well, will realize that apart from all the sins we commit, there is one that is different becuse we are more ready to commit it. It is that sin to which we are secretely attached and which we confess but without the real will to give it up. It is that sin we think we can never free ourselves of because, in fact we do not want to free ourselves of it, or at least, not right now… Sin enslaves us until we truly say “enough!” Then it loses almost all its power over us…
But what must we do exactly"? In a moment of recollection let us kneel down in God’s presence and say to Him: “Lord, you know my weakness and I know it too. Trusting therefore only in your grace and faithfulness I declare that from now on I no longer want that particular satisfaction, that particular freedom, friendship, resentment, that particular sin…I want to accept the idea of having to live without it from now on. I have finished with sin and with that particular sin. I repeat, enough of that! Help me with your Spirit. Renew in me a firm spirit, keep my heart generous. I consider myself dead to sin.”
After this, sin no longer reigns simply because you no longer want it to reigns; it was, in fact, in your will that it reigned. There may be no apparent change, those around me may still notice the same faults in us, but where God is concerned something has changed because our freedom is now on God’s side.
However, we must insist on one thing: This decision must be put into practice right away, otherwise it can easiy get lost.
Fr. Cantalamesa, O.F.M.Cap.
 
Oh, I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. We all have ours sins that we struggle with. I know I do. I think, “why did I do that?” or “Geez, didn’t I just confess that last week?”.

I have no brilliant advice to give you except that Jesus loves you. Stick close to Him and to the sacraments. I will add you to my rosary tonight.

God bless.
 
Hello ya’ll,

I just talked to my brother, i got him to calm down. He asked why does he have to be deprived of happiness. I just tell him that would he be trully happy turning your back on God, then he shot back, “There is no God!!”. My goodness… . I don’t know what to do now, i think it’s kinda outta my hands. I think it is hard for him, he see’s me with my girlfriend, and he gets discouraged. Please people, keep him in your prayers, he kinda “Hates” God right now.
 
All I can add is that I will keep you in my prayers…it sounds like you are having a real difficult time. Amber is right…Jesus does love you…he loves you so much, he died for you!!!

I converted to the Catholic faith…and I do admit, confession can be very difficult at times. I go often, praying it will get easier. I am quick to anger, when that happens, I curse…whether it be under my breath or in a low voice, I still think it and do it. I confess that every time I go. I try hard, I do…but it’s a struggle. So I sort of understand where you are coming from.

I will pray for you, dear brother in Christ!!
 
I wish I could hang out all day in my PJs and eat whatever I want. I know it sounds silly, but we all have temptation. Each of our crosses are different, but there are definitly alternatives of handling it.
 
Living within our own skin is one of the hardest things to do. Christ has left us peace, and we seem to not connect with it and get in a tangle instead. Being less in ourselves helps soothe the frustration. Going to sleep and waking up the next day helps. Accepting our current state of spiritual advancement (or lack thereof) helps. Trust God to move you forward from wherever you are now. I wish you peace.
 
Ryan,

Get ahold of yourself, man! This is a tremendously difficult situation to be in, I know, but don’t make it even worse by stressing out over it. Now listen to me very carefully: If your priest is telling you that you shouldn’t confess the same thing over and over again, or if he will not absolve you because of that, or if he indicates in any way that he is less than enthusiastic to hear your confession–then get a new priest.

I, too, have been confessing the same sin nearly every week for over seven years. I know it may SEEM like you must not be truly sorry if you can’t stop doing it. But I believe the fact that you keep on confessing over and over again shows God that you truly want to stop doing it. Remember that your sin can be very addictive and will take a long time to conquer. Please don’t give up! I don’t have SSA, but I do have an addiction-related sin. I haven’t given up yet, so why should you? I’m no saint either, I’m just a young guy like yourself.

Even Jesus fell 3 times. He even forgave those who nailed him to his cross. There is no such thing as the unforgiveable sin, as long as you are truly sorry. Tell God you’re sorry and get back up on your feet. When He restores His grace to you through the sacrament of confession, that is when you will be truly happy.
 
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lontas:
Ryan,

Hey, ummm… Im guessing your new here so just wanna let you know something, Rian is my twin brother, I am Ryan, oh and Welcome.

Get ahold of yourself, man! This is a tremendously difficult situation to be in, I know, but don’t make it even worse by stressing out over it. Now listen to me very carefully: If your priest is telling you that you shouldn’t confess the same thing over and over again, or if he will not absolve you because of that, or if he indicates in any way that he is less than enthusiastic to hear your confession–then get a new priest.

I, too, have been confessing the same sin nearly every week for over seven years. I know it may SEEM like you must not be truly sorry if you can’t stop doing it. But I believe the fact that you keep on confessing over and over again shows God that you truly want to stop doing it. Remember that your sin can be very addictive and will take a long time to conquer. Please don’t give up! I don’t have SSA, but I do have an addiction-related sin. I haven’t given up yet, so why should you? I’m no saint either, I’m just a young guy like yourself.

Even Jesus fell 3 times. He even forgave those who nailed him to his cross. There is no such thing as the unforgiveable sin, as long as you are truly sorry. Tell God you’re sorry and get back up on your feet. When He restores His grace to you through the sacrament of confession, that is when you will be truly happy.
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T hink this is the best advice givin yet!
 
I will keep you in prayers. Life can very hard but don’t turn your back on God when you need him most.

I too have had to confess the same sin over and over again, I finally found a better confessor that was more helpful in my spiritual direction, but it’s still a constant battle of will.

God wants your happiness more than anything, giving in to your SSA will not make you happy. I’ve been thru some very dark times in my life, be strong, keep you focus on Jesus. Make a holy hour in front of the Blessed Sacrament if possible. Squeeze in an extra Mass during the week (even if you can’t recieve communion because you haven’t confessed yet.) You CAN do this, we’re all praying for you.:gopray:

p.s. Are you at all involved with Courage? couragerc.net/
 
Rian & Ryan,

You both already know that I am a twin too.
My twin, Edward, (now a priest) was in Ryan’s situation. I was in Rian’s situation.

From what I went through, it IS a combination of the desire of the will to deny sin AND the grace of God to supply you with all the strength you need.

It is also a matter of FAITH. Going through a trial of SSA is not easy to say the least.

Rian, have you truly given your life over to Jesus? Last night I was listening to the Journey Home on ETWN Radio and Marcus Grodi’s guest was a priest who once denied the existance of God through Science. The priest had a major conversion experience that witnessed to me that the most in doubt or dispair CAN be loved by our Lord. Rian, if you get a chance watch the re-broadcast OR download the program on your computer and watch it.

Ryan, you are in the position that my brother was in. My brother was frustrated that I had fallen away from our Lord and lived that SSA life. Edward talked with his spiritual advisor and was always praying for me. That is my suggestion for you…find a spiritual director and be in prayer for your brother.

The only difference here is that both Rian, and Ryan are able to talk about this between each other. When I was in high school, Edward and I had a sibling rivalry. We did not talk heart to heart as such as I can sense that goes on between you to.

I believe you know I have been praying for both of you and will continue to do so.

Go with God!
Edwin
 
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rianredd1088:
I know, ya’ll know I have SSA. I am falling back into my old ways of doing things. I am watching the gay-porn again, I am seeing my-self checking out other guys, WHY WHY WHY!? I wanna be happy, i am not happy being a Homo, but i wanna feel loved, I want someone in my life. I just dont get it. I can’t believe that because I am Catholic, I can’t be happy. I HATE going to the priest time after time, telling him what I did, just to do it again, hey i even think he’s starting to think i am not trully sorry. There are so many Christian denominations that don’t require you to go to a preacher, why do I have to go to the priest. Thats what I HATE most about the church. Now i gotta wait until Saturday to see the priest! I can’t make an appointment with him, I just can’t, I don’t feel comfortable doing it. Then I can’t pray because I have a guilty concience and i can’t concentrate. I hate this, Why me, I hate this. 😦
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Hello Friend:

Please go immediately to www.settingcaptivesfree.com. They have a free internet program you can get involved in. Also go to www.thetruthabouthomosexuality.com --a website I just heard last week broadcasted by Family Life. They had a former gay man who has come out of this lifestyle. There is help–if you really want it. God has a better plan for your life --friend. Don’t ever forget this, O.K.?
 
Everything you mention would still be a sin even if you were heterosexual. Pornography is a serious sin no matter if it’s hetero or homo, so your current situation is not all because you have SSA. Neither is it all because you are Catholic. This behavior is not sinful because you’re Catholic, they are sinful because they are opposed to God’s will. Your friends from the nondenominational church have only made things more difficutl for themselves. They no longer have anyone helping them get to heaven.
 
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davefl:
Each one of us, if we examine our conscience well, will realize that apart from all the sins we commit, there is one that is different becuse we are more ready to commit it. It is that sin to which we are secretely attached and which we confess but without the real will to give it up. It is that sin we think we can never free ourselves of because, in fact we do not want to free ourselves of it, or at least, not right now… Sin enslaves us until we truly say “enough!” Then it loses almost all its power over us…
But what must we do exactly"? In a moment of recollection let us kneel down in God’s presence and say to Him: “Lord, you know my weakness and I know it too. Trusting therefore only in your grace and faithfulness I declare that from now on I no longer want that particular satisfaction, that particular freedom, friendship, resentment, that particular sin…I want to accept the idea of having to live without it from now on. I have finished with sin and with that particular sin. I repeat, enough of that! Help me with your Spirit. Renew in me a firm spirit, keep my heart generous. I consider myself dead to sin.”
After this, sin no longer reigns simply because you no longer want it to reigns; it was, in fact, in your will that it reigned. There may be no apparent change, those around me may still notice the same faults in us, but where God is concerned something has changed because our freedom is now on God’s side.
However, we must insist on one thing: This decision must be put into practice right away, otherwise it can easiy get lost.
Fr. Cantalamesa, O.F.M.Cap.
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Code:
:clapping: The truth in this post! Thank you ever so much Father…

Blessings,
Shoshana
 
I think it is important that you understand that you are under attack by Satan. Your weapon to defend yourself is prayer. Your food to sustain yourself for this battle is the Eucharist. Satan will try to keep you from praying. You must pray anyway. Make a visit to the Blessed Sacrament if you find yourself under severe temptation. Try to get to daily Mass if that is possible for you, even if you can’t receive. Don’t expect this to be conquered overnight, but look for improvements. Thank God for them whenever you see them, and ask for more.

You must prove that you are master of your own body, rather than the other way around. One way of doing this is to deprive your body of something that you enjoy. Fast, or give up your morning coffee, or whatever. Just do it.

You are not the first person to battle lust, nor will you be the last. This battle can be won. You will be so happy when it has been won. But there can be no victory without the battle. The alternative is slavery. Obviously you don’t prefer slavery.
Let me repeat that: There can be no victory without the battle. Arm yourself with prayer, shield yourself with confession, and strengthen yourself with the Eucharist. Have faith.

Doug
 
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