Alcoholism

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A close friend is married to an alcoholic. Her husband has been fight this disease for years. A couple of years ago, he went into the hospital with seizures from alcohol poisoning and went into rehab, and has been regularly attending AA and been almost completely dry. Until last night.

My friend called in tears because he’s been drunk since Tuesday. She can’t find where he’s hiding the stuff. He’s scared and has upset their daughter as well as the dog. He’s probably lost his job, since he hasn’t shown up. The last time he was this bad, her family told her to leave him. He started drinking after talking to his aging mother, who apparently is totally self centered.

At this point, he has not harmed anyone, but did smoke out the house by leaving a pot on the stove unattended. She’s worried about paying their mortgage, about leaving her daughter alone with him, and about him. She really doesn’t want to go through this emotional upheaval again.

Most of his friends don’t know that he has this problem, and she doesn’t have alot of people to talk to.

I guess I’m asking for prayers, and if anyone has any suggestions for me or her, please let me know. I told her last night that she’s in crisis and shouldn’t make any immediate decisions. I also got her thinking again about him and what his mother may have said/did to him.
 
Sounds like he needs to go into detox and then have further treatment. See if you can find out who his AA sponsor is and contact that person. In the meantime, your friend and her family should probably move out.
 
And pray we shall. Does someone know a good patron saint to help join our prayer?
 
There is a support group for friends and families of alcoholics…it is called Al-Anon. Recommend this support group to your friend. She can find al-anon in the phone book or check out the al-anon web site for meeting information. She will receive lots of support there and people will understand what she is going through. If you or she has any questions, please feel free to email me!

God bless,
Teresa
 
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pnewton:
And pray we shall. Does someone know a good patron saint to help join our prayer?
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Venerable Matt Talbot was an Irishman who overcame severe alcoholism. I would ask him to intercede with Our Lord on behalf of this individual.
 
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arnulf:
Sounds like he needs to go into detox and then have further treatment. See if you can find out who his AA sponsor is and contact that person. In the meantime, your friend and her family should probably move out.
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I echo this statement. From your post, he sounds like he could do something to endanger her or their child. I also agree with the advise of a pp to suggest Al-Anon for her. I will pray that he is able to see his error and call on Our Lord for help.

*Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Serenity Prayer used in AA.*
I’ll also pray for courage and strength for you to help and support your friend.

Love,
Annie
 
I just talked to her and things have calmed down again. He is sobering up, and never before had a binge this bad, even before he quit drinking. Apparently his AA budies “weren’t available”.

Their daughter will be spending the day with me tomorrow.

This guy is also a good friend of my husband and I, and I am very worried about what set him off in the first place.

I’ll keep praying and appreciate your support.
 
It is good that things have calmed down, and let’s hope and pray it lasts. But do encourage your friend to attend some Al-Anon meetings anyway. She needs to develop a support system to fall back on if it happens again.

Also, don’t buy into figuring out what his mother said or did to set him off in the first place. In AA parlance that was just his “excuse to drink” and it is irrelevant.
 
My best advice as being a person who was in a similar situation, (not quite as bad though) is for your friend to leave the situation at least temporarily. Does she have anywhere she can stay? I encourage her and her daughter to attend Al-Anon to understand the disease and to figure out if she and her daughter have enough strength to deal with it. Chances are the daughter will grow up and marry a person very much like her father because she will feel this is normal. Children don’t deserve living with an alcoholic. I pray for your friend, her husband, and their daughter.
 
As a good friend, I would offer to take her to the AlAnon meeting. This would give her more impetus to go, and you would be a support so she wouldn’t fear going alone. That and prayer is the best you could do.

As for him, he knows that he needs to get back on the AA wagon. People slip and go back out drinking sometimes a couple or three times before they get serious about staying sober. He knows AA is there, and God has provided it as a way out, he just has to want it bad enough: (reach his true ‘bottom’)

Stay strong…
 
I speak as the adult child of an alcoholic.

If the family has never done an intervention, it’s time to do one now. If they’ve done one, it’s time to do another. A binge like that is life threatening and a serious cry for help. Also your friend needs a support group for the family, like Al Anon or ACA.

When he drinks, Mom and kiddos should leave the premises., immediately, consistently, and calmly. If he continues to drink, Mom and kiddos may need to find alternative living arrangements (physical separation) until he can sober up. That may mean days, weeks, or more. Alcoholism is a disease that you fight one day (sometimes one moment) at a time. It does get easier, but it never goes away. It’s analogoous to diabetes: don’t treat it and it can kill you.

That said, please assure your friend she has our prayers. I’d also be happy to email with her privately if she needs to talk to someone who has been through this. Patron saints of those struggling with alcoholism include
John of God
Martin of Tours
Matthias the Apostle
Monica
Urban of Langres

catholic-forum.com/saints/pst00017.htm
 
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