All I ever confess is doubtful sins

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LaughingBoy1503

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I have been Catholic for two years and when I think about all the times I have confessed something just to “Be safe” it far out numbers the times I knew for sure that I committed a mortal sin. I can only think of maybe 6 or 7 things I have ever confessed that I know for sure were mortal sins. Because I remember thinking that it was a mortal sin to do these things but I went ahead and did it anyways. All other times I have confessed a “Mortal Sin” it was in doubt. I am always worried that my confession was not valid recently. The thing is the more times I go to confession, the more chances there are for me to say something in confession that gets me worried that my confession was no good. For example… today. I went to confess 2 doubtful sins and the priest asked me “are you sorry” I said “very sorry” even though I think I was just “sorry”. I even though for a second in confession that maybe I was not very sorry but “Very Sorry” came out of my mouth and I did not correct myself. I did not intend to lie but I think I did not tell the truth 100% only I am in doubt as to whether I should confess that doubt or not. I cannot go into confession and say, without a doubt, I lied. I would have to being with the same old “I am not sure if I commit a mortal sin or not but here is what happened” thing. And the priest never tells me if he thinks I did or did not sin. So, the issue is rarely resolved for the future. Do not get me wrong, a few times they have. Those times are helpful.

Is there really any merit to the school of thought that it is “better to err on the side of caution”? What good is it if you are not for sure certain you committed a mortal sin? I am just so tired of having to begin every confession I make with “I am not sure if I committed a mortal sin or not” Because I know that we are required to state if we are in doubt as to if something we did was a mortal sin.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Is there really any merit to the school of thought that it is “better to err on the side of caution”? What good is it if you are not for sure certain you committed a mortal sin? I am just so tired of having to begin every confession I make with “I am not sure if I committed a mortal sin or not” Because I know that we are required to state if we are in doubt as to if something we did was a mortal sin.
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The better question for you to ask yourself is perhaps - have I committed a sin / done wrong, rather than trying to label it in a particular way. While some sins are of course more serious the others, at the same time there’s a risk of losing sight of what’s actually important here and that’s the relationship between you and God and whether you feel that it’s been impaired by something you did or didn’t do. So, while something may not be a serious sin (for any number of reasons) it should still be taken to confession if it’s something that’s affected your relationship with God. The requirement in confession is simply to tell the priest what you did or didn’t do (along with the relevant circumstances) and not to try and determine which category it might or might not fit into. Even if you have doubts as to whether or not something is in fact sinful, you should still take it to confession if it’s troubling your conscience and see what the priest says.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
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Sin is committed through willful ignorance, passion, or malice. There must be intention to either positively commit the sin (or make plans for it) or the intentional neglect of duty to avoid a near occasion of it. Some sins result from bad habits so are not *entirely *committed to in their repetition, although they started without habit. Sometimes we do not know yet what is a near occasion for us, for a particular sin. Taking standard advice from the Church on situations to avoid is helpful.
 
TimothyH said:
The original post is a perfect example of why practicing a good objective examination of conscience is so important.

This is what I use: timhollingworth.blogspot.com/2015/07/examination-of-conscience-based-on-ten.html

-Tim-
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That is great for you, but that does not help me at all. I know the ten commandments and I know that everything that was listed in that examination is a sin. My problem is more I am always in doubt at to whether I gave full consent to something that I know is grave matter. Hence, always confessing doubtful sins.
 
InThePew said:
The better question for you to ask yourself is perhaps - have I committed a sin / done wrong, rather than trying to label it in a particular way. While some sins are of course more serious the others, at the same time there’s a risk of losing sight of what’s actually important here and that’s the relationship between you and God and whether you feel that it’s been impaired by something you did or didn’t do. So, while something may not be a serious sin (for any number of reasons) it should still be taken to confession if it’s something that’s affected your relationship with God. The requirement in confession is simply to tell the priest what you did or didn’t do (along with the relevant circumstances) and not to try and determine which category it might or might not fit into. Even if you have doubts as to whether or not something is in fact sinful, you should still take it to confession if it’s troubling your conscience and see what the priest says.
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My doubts are not to whether something is sinful most the time. My doubts are as to whether Something I do meets the criteria for mortal sin. For example, Father asked me in confession “Are you sorry for your sins” I do not think I was very sorry but that is exactly what I said “Very sorry” even though I was only a little sorry. I do not think I intended to lie but that is what came out of my mouth. NOW, does that count as lying in confession or not? THOSE are the things I am talking about.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
That is great for you, but that does not help me at all. I know the ten commandments and I know that everything that was listed in that examination is a sin. My problem is more I am always in doubt at to whether I gave full consent to something that I know is grave matter. Hence, always confessing doubtful sins.
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I’m sorry I misunderstood and didn’t help. Please accept the following post as my effort to help.

If you doubt that you gave full consent then you did not give full consent. That is exactly what I have been told by my long term confessor. “You have to be 100% sure” is what he said. He is a Redemptorist, an expert in moral theology.

I think too many of us obsess over whether something is mortal or venial. The distinction is not always 100% clear. Bring them to the confessional either way. If you did them then they need to be confessed.

Struggling with the difference between “sorry” and “very sorry” and whether you should have said one or the other during any given confession is a sign of scrupulosity. You need to speak to a priest about this and would do well to get a spiritual director to guide you.

My advice, above all else, is to do what Fr. Jacques Phillipe told me to do - be gentle with yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself. If God can forgive you then you can forgive yourself. We have to accept what God gives us. God gives us forgiveness and mercy. Who are we to reject what God is willing to give.

I hope my words have been some sort of help.

-Tim-
 
I struggle with knowing if something is “grave matter” and if I gave “full consent” in some instances also. Some stuff is obvious, but much of it (for me) is not.

Additionally, things I was certain were grave matter- such as taking the Lord’s name in vain, which is directly addressed within the 10 Commandments- appears not to bother many of my Catholic brethren who seem to do it habitually. Which makes me wonder if I’m being overly scrupulous.

Regardless, in my heart, if I feel convicted by the spirit of having sinned, I confess it. So far I have not had any priest tell me that I’m wasting their time.
 
Well, I got a answer to what was really bothering me from Father Vincent himself on the ask a apologist section. I am going to take his advice and assume I made a valid confession and try to drop it. Though my mind tells me to still doubt, I am going to try to act contrary and follow Fathers advice. Thank you all for your replies!
 
Ah, yes, I saw that one. I had that exact same situation once and so I was interested in Father’s answer. It was good to know. Thanks!
 
AKDee said:
Ah, yes, I saw that one. I had that exact same situation once and so I was interested in Father’s answer. It was good to know. Thanks!
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I did not expect to get a answer so fast, but I was hoping I would. Thanks be to God, I can try to have peace of mind! God took pity on me through his priest and showed me mercy 🙂
 
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