Allowing people to attend mass

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LighthouseRon

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Let me start off by saying I’m probably not objective about the situation. The situation is both my mother in law and my mother live with my wife and me. My MIL and I don’t get along that well. Since public mass has been suspended in my diocese our pastor has quietly allowed a few people to attend anyway and my MIL is one of them, typically there are fewer than 10 in attendance. Put quite simply I don’t like that she is putting the rest of the residents of our home more at risk by attending, particularly my mom who is 85 years old and has respiratory issues. In talking to my MIL she just says “I need mass” and won’t stop. My pastor says he won’t turn anyone away who wants to attend. Am I justified in my frustration that my MIL won’t listen? My wife and I need mass too but feel it best if we not attend.
 
LighthouseRon said:
Am I justified in my frustration that my MIL won’t listen?
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I believe you are absolutely justified in being frustrated. I can’t think of any solution that doesn’t cause serious strife in you home. Prayers for you!!!
 
LighthouseRon said:
Since public mass has been suspended in my diocese our pastor has quietly allowed a few people to attend anyway
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Report it to the Bishop, it is his responsibility, before the police is called by any person in the community. This action by your priest potentially puts the entire community at risk.
 
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You’re not wrong.

Is there any way you can keep your MIL and your mother well away from each other? I would certainly insist on your MIL thoroughly washing her hands every time she comes back, before she does anything else, and perhaps also changing her clothes.

Would she listen to your wife, if she spoke to her?
 
Contact the Diocese and make sure that they are aware. Many Bishops have forbidden these “invitation only” masses.

It seems logical to ask your mother in law to self quarantine in her room, change clothes when she comes home, etc.
 
I suppose this is the best approach. Our priest has been at our parish for 8 years now and most of us (including me) do like him. Not sure how I’ll proceed as I know it will cause more friction between MIL and me. Odds are slim anything bad would happen but why take the chance?

Thank you for the responses.
 
This is painful for me to read, and I don’t even know your family.
 
LighthouseRon said:
Let me start off by saying I’m probably not objective about the situation.
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That is a fairly good assessment.

The concept of 6 feet of distance is an excellent place to start. You seem to be presuming that your MIL is not maintaining that at Mass. I would presume that hse is not only maintaining that, but likely 20 feet or more. If no one is showing signs of illness at Mass, the risk is somewhere between very low and negligible.

You do not say where you live. If you are in a larger city which has had a number of cases, some of the calculations of danger would be based on how long people have been self quarantining, the number of cases, and whether that has been flattening/going lower per day week over week.

If you live somewhere in an area of no known cases, you are over reacting. New York City? Ah, maybe not so much.

There has been one death in the smaller city I live in; I still go to the grocery store (3 in one day to find a small bottle of bleach!). I maintain distance, don’t go around touching everything, wash my hands…

While the virus is highly contagious, we are nowhere near the number of cases of flu this year (which I will grant is less contagious) and no one even made a peep about how to avoid the flu - except “get your flu shot”.

The likelihood of your changing your MIL’s mind sound a bit like between nil and none. A fairly simple statement of “Mom, I am concerned about your health, and about the health of everyone in this house. Please maintain the required distance with everyone at Mass; stay away from anyone coughing, and wash your hands thoroughly when you get home. And remember to pray for all of us when you are at Mass”.

There are 325,000,000 people in the US. across the entire US, there are about 123,000 cases (testing is now picking up on those who have contracted the disease but do not at this point need hospitalization - the majority).

Yes, there is a chance she would contract the virus; there is also a chance she could drop dead of a stroke or a heart attack. Again, if you are in a state or a city with a high level of infection, her risks are higher, but still low. If not, they are more likely minuscule.
 
We really have no idea how many cases there are in the US and Canada because of the way testing is done. We’d have a better chance to save lives if we emulated Iceland.
 
otjm said:
The concept of 6 feet of distance is an excellent place to start. You seem to be presuming that your MIL is not maintaining that at Mass. I would presume that hse is not only maintaining that, but likely 20 feet or more.
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This is why I would check to ensure the priest isn’t allowing anyone to receive Communion.
 
Yes. Your MIL is being unreasonable and you have a right to be frustrated. Unless she is the cantor or has insider information on how to run the video equipment for a broadcast, she does not need to be there.
 
Otjm:

I see your reasoning but it doesn’t take into consideration that our archbishop has declared all public masses within our diocese cancelled. Isn’t it our archbishop’s decision whether or not to cancel public masses? Whether our area is particular hard hit or not the decision to allow the public to mass shouldn’t be left up to the individual, should it? I might think it’s fine to go to mass but my catholic neighbor might not. I believe it’s up to our archbishop to make that decision and not the individual or the priest and it’s our obligation to follow his directive.

BTW, my MIL does receive communion.

Thanks for your responses.
 
My Archbvishop has also cancelled Masses through Easter (!!!).

My answer was not directed to that issue; it was directed to resolving your furstration; thus my suggestion.

Certainly you could call the Archdiocese and discuss with someone - the Archbishop or perhaps the dean of clergy (or equivalent) the fact that your MIL’s attendance is a cause of concern, aw well as concern for anyone else attending Mass and see if they might consult with the priest.

IF they shut that down - and that is a big “if” then the matter is resolved. And if they don’t, or you cant’ get through to someone who can actually make a decision, then it is likely the attendance will continue.

You are a grace to your wife and your MIL in having her under your roof. I hope that you can come to some peaceful resolution.

God bless!
 
Just an update. Our Archbishop had a meeting with his priests and instructed them they are not to allow the laity to attend daily mass. Sunday mass is to have only essential people. Our parish had camera operators for live streaming, music minister, readers…).
 
I am glad that the archbishop stepped in. If that did not happen, unless you live with both your mother-in-law and your mother, there is no reason under the stay-at-home order that you should see both of them to cause your mother to be infected. I have not seen my grandmother since before this started. I saw my parents once, they were driving past our house and waved from way down the driveway.
 
That’s great news! There is a group of people petitioning the local governor here to allow Mass with 50 people or less and are still going to confession in the tiny confessionals (not outdoors like others are doing). I think that is uncharitable and ignorant request snd behaviorof anyone at this time! They are finding people can spread the virus more than just 6 feet and it can be spread without someone even showing symptoms. People who are comparing this to the flu are obviously idiots themselves! Can people not handle a little suffering during Lent (the church’s time of suffering) for the love and well being of others? Totally baffles me!
 
I heard this on RR.

Mass/Communion is worth dying for, but is it worth killing for?
 
fastenatingguy1 said:
but is it worth killing for?
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Thank you!

Is it really heroic to jepordize others by not taking good care when you are a priest?

I can think of a fire chief not wanting to hire a potential recruit who goes out there and tries to be a hero, jepordizing the lives of others.

Too many times, the over zealous ones where the ones in the medic tent who tried to be heros and nearly died not following protocol
 
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The reality is both my mother and MIL live with my wife and me. Because my 85 year old mother has respiratory problems I want to limit her exposure. When my MIL decided to attend daily mass every day it concerned me greatly, especially when it was against our archbishop’s directive.

All that being said I don’t rejoice in anyone not being able to attend mass but under these circumstances I’m sure the correct decision was made by the archbishop.
 
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