Alone

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Epistemes

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I told myself I wouldn’t post here again after my last thread which apparently made me come across like a full-blown psycho instead of someone uttering nonsensical things due to a quick bout of depression.

Regardless, I’m back.

This past week I gave up reading strictly theological books so I could hopefully finish reading through the Harry Potter series one last time with the release of the final installment. Plus, I figured, it’s time for a much needed rest from stressing myself - something I’ve done lately, worrying I’m not reading enough theology! :eek:

Harry Potter isn’t the problem, though. [Nothing should be…honestly.] But I went to Best Buy this past Wednesday and bought some music by Jimmy Buffett. I used to own some CDs by Mr. Buffett not to awfully long ago, fell in love with it, but something about his music seems completely incompatible with my Catholicism - so I gave away those CDs. This past Wednesday, though, I recalled how much I liked his music - how much fun it truly is - and I bought 4 CDs on a whim.

When I owned those other CDs back in the day, I found myself wanting to go to a Buffett concert, to be a Parrothead, and to enjoy myself tailgatin’, dancin’ and drinkin’. That part seems even more incompatible than the music itself, which more or less advocates that particular lifestyle.

I don’t trust myself, though, you see? I’ve discovered in the past couple of months that I’m especially susceptible to peer pressure. I find that I SO BADLY want to fit in somewhere, with some people, that most weekends - like last weekend - I end up so utterly depressed I don’t know what to do. It’s not that I don’t have friends - because I several - but it’s like I don’t belong no matter who I’m with. My practicing Catholic friends are far too puritanical for me, not even having a few drinks; my other friends, who are practicing Catholics, are kind of ritzy and cultured and I’m far more laid back than that; the guys who I work with are, put nicely, vulgar and typical men…however, I’m far too puritanical for them.

I wander alone, then, it seems. I go to Mass at least 4-5 times a week, but I don’t even feel like the Church is there for me. I drift in and out of Mass sometimes without anyone speaking to me. And this why the Jimmy Buffett socialite experience seems like something which even Jesus cannot offer me. I have the opportunity to attend a Buffett show at Madison Square Garden at the end of September where I could tailgate, dance and drink and forget about my loneliness for awhile…

…but I’ve passed that opportunity up because I can’t risk falling into sin, like I know I would do. And I won’t say I’m entirely happy about it, either.

Loneliness is my cross. I’ve learned that. But I’m alone, I truly feel like I have nobody, and it hurts. 😦 This doesn’t mean I would do anything rash or illogical, because I know better and I trust myself in that regard. Life just really sucks right now.
 
Loneliness is indeed tough, my friend. The only advice I can offer is to try to hope that someday or in some realm you will have many friends.
 
Trust is such a strong word. Do any of us actualy fit in??? That is a cross and for some a long and soul wrenching test.

When we begin our journey with God we start changing and the change comes in so many different ways for different people. Non of us fit in with the world because we are not of this world. Except that and the cross becomes easier to bear. It is natural to want companionship and friends. But realize that even at the hight of togatherness with them you are still alone.

Music is a wonderful expression of the feeling inside us. I wont pretend to know of the cds you speak of but know this a song can be sang to god with any music. Ever try changing the lyrics to say how you feel?

You are not alone in the darkness you speak of but please hold on dont give up and above all understand if you turn to Jesus Christ when the burden becomes to heavy he will hear you and lift some of the wieght so you can tolerate it.
 
I can relate to the loneliness sometimes. I really think it is for a reason, so we will pray harder and be more in communion with Him. I do believe He wants us for Himself totally, so when I am feeling lonely, I pray and talk to God more and find comfort that He is the only one who understands all of my hopes, fears, joys,loneliness. We can identify with Jesus because he was poor and alone too.

I will be thinking of you when you are alone.

Hang in there and pray unceasingly.
 
Pray to God for humility, so that you won’t be so unsatisfied with everyone around you.

I know what it’s like, because I too often feel like the people who I come across “just aren’t my type” or whatever, so I end up alone. Pride is the root problem of that kind of loneliness. Humility will make you really open up and appreciate all people, regardless of their ‘puritanical’ or ‘vulgar’ tendencies. Humility breeds Charity like no other virtue; only by loving people and being loved in return is loneliness ever abated.

BUT - don’t expect loneliness to ever be entirely conquered in this time of pilgrimage. Life on earth is inherently lonely, and only in heaven will we commune with one another to our perfect satisfaction. (The complete fulfillment of that emptiness from loneliness is exactly what ecstasy means).

Do you spend much time in Eucharistic Adoration?

I recommend you read C.S. Lewis’ classic The Four Loves
 
In a way I understand what you feel since I am often alone. But it seems as though you want to be a part of a group. Me - I am a loner by nature. I LIKE being alone. This past spring, I went on a vacation by myself and if I want to go to a movie, I just go. I know some people who, if they they can’t find someone to go with them, they stay at home. Not me. I’ve grown to enjoy my own company.

I’ll pray for you that you find what you’re looking for.
 
Epistemes said:
I told myself I wouldn’t post here again after my last thread which apparently made me come across like a full-blown psycho instead of someone uttering nonsensical things due to a quick bout of depression.

Regardless, I’m back.

This past week I gave up reading strictly theological books so I could hopefully finish reading through the Harry Potter series one last time with the release of the final installment. Plus, I figured, it’s time for a much needed rest from stressing myself - something I’ve done lately, worrying I’m not reading enough theology! :eek:

Harry Potter isn’t the problem, though. [Nothing should be…honestly.] But I went to Best Buy this past Wednesday and bought some music by Jimmy Buffett. I used to own some CDs by Mr. Buffett not to awfully long ago, fell in love with it, but something about his music seems completely incompatible with my Catholicism - so I gave away those CDs. This past Wednesday, though, I recalled how much I liked his music - how much fun it truly is - and I bought 4 CDs on a whim.

When I owned those other CDs back in the day, I found myself wanting to go to a Buffett concert, to be a Parrothead, and to enjoy myself tailgatin’, dancin’ and drinkin’. That part seems even more incompatible than the music itself, which more or less advocates that particular lifestyle.

I don’t trust myself, though, you see? I’ve discovered in the past couple of months that I’m especially susceptible to peer pressure. I find that I SO BADLY want to fit in somewhere, with some people, that most weekends - like last weekend - I end up so utterly depressed I don’t know what to do. It’s not that I don’t have friends - because I several - but it’s like I don’t belong no matter who I’m with. My practicing Catholic friends are far too puritanical for me, not even having a few drinks; my other friends, who are practicing Catholics, are kind of ritzy and cultured and I’m far more laid back than that; the guys who I work with are, put nicely, vulgar and typical men…however, I’m far too puritanical for them.

I wander alone, then, it seems. I go to Mass at least 4-5 times a week, but I don’t even feel like the Church is there for me. I drift in and out of Mass sometimes without anyone speaking to me. And this why the Jimmy Buffett socialite experience seems like something which even Jesus cannot offer me. I have the opportunity to attend a Buffett show at Madison Square Garden at the end of September where I could tailgate, dance and drink and forget about my loneliness for awhile…

…but I’ve passed that opportunity up because I can’t risk falling into sin, like I know I would do. And I won’t say I’m entirely happy about it, either.

Loneliness is my cross. I’ve learned that. But I’m alone, I truly feel like I have nobody, and it hurts. 😦 This doesn’t mean I would do anything rash or illogical, because I know better and I trust myself in that regard. Life just really sucks right now.
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Don’t worry , I have over a thousand posts. If you aren’t convinced I’m a nut , you will be.:D. I’m surrounded by people yet still alone because of my life experiences. Not many people have been through what I’ve been through. My counseler can’t even keep up. My wife will not talk about my cancer past. It is too painful for her to even think about. I could go on. I think we all have these feeling at times and have a need to feel like we belong. Try to think of yourself as part of the Church. Sometimes the militant, sometimes the suffering. But the Lord is with you, Tim
 
Hi there Epistemes,

Sorry you’re having a difficult time at the moment.

Loneliness is a difficult thing. I’ve pretty much learned to accept that, by nature, I will always have some degree of loneliness. Part of my journey of the last number of years, is to make friends with that part of myself, and learn to recognise the positive fruit that it does bear in my life (I am much more a person others feel they can be honest with as a result of understanding loneliness, for example).

I’ve also learned, though, that I have to act positively in order to avoid becoming self-indulgent in it (ivory tower syndrome!). Here are a couple of things that have helped:
  1. Volunteering: It’s harder to feel alone when you’re physically doing something. Volunteering is also a good way of meeting other people, spending time with them and contributing something tangible to the community. Find out if there’s a local neighbourhood association, a conservation scheme that needs someone to plant trees, a homeless shelter that needs help, or a afterschools club that could do with a new volunteer.
  2. Take a class - in something you don’t feel obliged to be good at. A couple of times I’ve taken classes in completely random things, because they get me interacting with people very different from myself, and bypass my natural perfectionist streak!
  3. Set a timetable where you have to do something social a couple of times a week. At my least sociable, this ensures that I don’t enter a downward spiral of cutting myself off from people around me.
They’re just some suggestions. I hope they’re of some help!

Eddy.
 
Almost everyone is effected by peer pressure and in my opinion, the only way around this is to choose the people and situations you want to be influenced by.
 
I understand you, as I had the same problem some time ago. I felt alone in my university, everybody seemed to be atheist or new age christian, everybody seemed to be quite materialistic. Fortunately I meet some friends of my former class who are in Opus Dei. They helped me a lot. I learned a lot about my Faith and I also have been having a very good time. We often play football (soccer), chess, etc.

I also have many atheist friends, and I always try to make them understand the Catholic Faith when we discuss these issues.

I am also working as a volunteer in my local Tourism Office, and considering to do the same on a association who supports pregnant women in need.
 
Years ago, I read a book titled simply Solitude. Many graces can be found in the time we spend by ourselves. What I most remember from the book is the definition of alone. To be alone means to be “al/one” or “all one.” It is a way of focusing on who I am in God’s sight and less on feelings of loneliness.
Once I am comfortable in my own company, it becomes easier to bring others into my circle. What I reflect is what I draw to me.
 
Wow! Replace Jimmy Buffet with the Beatles and, drinking and tailgating with… ahem… other things, and you’ve written my biography. Can’t see the Beatles though. I know there are other things that I could do, but they would probably be an occasion to sin. I understand everything that you said.
 
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