Alzheimer's and feeding tube

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Dear JCnMe… what a wonderful sharing of the Circle of Life… and how it applies to Alzheimers. I have volunteered at a Nursing Home and worked with Alzheimer patients and the food would be left of the trays in front of them…and of course they wouldn’t eat it… However, if someone sat down with them and helped them, then they would eat.

I loved how you described the beginning of the journey as she was your Momma and you were taking care of her…then you were her Momma and finally she was waiting for her Momma to come and take her home… it is such a beautiful description of the reciprocity of love… I will share it with my daughter, who will one day … probably be taking care of me until my Heavenly Mother comes to take me home…

Yours for “LIFE” Granny D
 
Granny D…Bless your heart (((honey))) for being there for those who need you- and caring enough to say “hello in there” to those others may just pass by…thank you for your kind words…(((((hugs))))) I know the angels will be there to help you and your daughter if that time comes for you as well…God Bless
 
Maybe my story will help you make your decision. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 8 years ago. She declined slowly over the first 5 years in a minimal assisted care apartment and then needed to be moved to a higher level of assisted care. She was still very mobile, loved to be around people, was very happy and otherwise healthy. Then, a little over a year ago, she got an infection in her salivary glands. She was admitted to the hospital to be treated with intravenous antibiotics and she had trouble swallowing so we were not allowed to feed her by mouth because we were told she would choke or food would go into her lungs and she would get pneumonia. At that point, a doctor suggested that we decide whether to put in a feeding tube or “let nature take its course.” I assumed, perhaps wrongly, that her problems with swallowing were due to the infection and not her Alzheimer’s and it wasn’t time for her to leave us yet and so we had a feeding tube inserted. Having the feeding tube meant that she could not return to her assisted care facility and so we found a small group home for her. She also stopped walking at this time so she’s been in a wheelchair. Her new doctor said we could try to feed her by mouth a bit but she didn’t respond well. She’s been unable to care for herself at all for the past year but up until a few weeks ago, she was happy, smiling and making silly faces, and chattering nonsense. Now all of a sudden, she keeps her eyes closed most of the time when I visit even when sitting up in her wheelchair. She doesn’t chatter, she doesn’t smile, and she seems to be in pain or at least uncomfortable. Even though she had a good year since having the feeding tube inserted, I feel guilty that it will continue to keep her alive when she doesn’t seem to be happy anymore. I thought I was making the right decision a year ago and I really don’t think it was her time to leave us then but a year later I’m not so sure. If my mother is healthy outside of her Alzheimer’s and she’s being fed through the tube, how will “nature take its course”? I don’t know if my story will help you make your decision on whether to use a feeding tube but I would also like to hear from others who have made decisions similar to mine.
 
I have listened to Mother Angelica speak of how she doesn’t want to exit this world one second before God calls her… because whether she is suffering or just praying or getting closer to got …or getting ready for her meeting Him…she treasures every second of every minute…even if she were to be hooked up to all kinds of tubes and declared a “vegetable”
Who knows what goes on behind the scene… it is not for us to decide… Choosing LIFE IS ALWAYS A GOOD…no one can escape death… Food and Water are not extra ordinary means… neither is antibiotics… but if extra ordinary care is required…we do not have to utilize it…because we do not fear death… but neither do we fear what God allows to happen for the benefit of our souls and the souls of others… Keep The Faith

Granny D
 
Touie…you did not make the wrong choice…your mom has just entered another stage and she is scared and confused…and as a child does when they want to avoid something or don’t know what is going on- they pretend to be asleep…or make themselves or others disappear by closing their eyes… she is as a child-and she doesn’t remember, and there is no constant in her life… it is different when they are cared for in a home setting with one particular caregiver-than in a nursing home or facility…at home the care giver is the constant- their link…even if they don’t remember how they fit into their life any longer-they know they fit in and are comfortable with that person…in a nursing home or care facility or hospital-they lose the constant because different faces they don’t remember show up to do different things…so eventually they just avoid as much as possible by closing their eyes and not participating…I saw that same behavior in my mother when she was hospitalized- I would show up and see that no one had fed her-only to be told she was sleeping…and I’d say c’mon let’s go see…we’d walk in and her eyes would be closed-and as soon as she heard my voice she opened her eyes and was ok…I told the nurses that she didn’t remember them from one visit to the next and they would have to introduce themselves each time and talk to her like they would any little girl who was in the hospital-she had been “hiding”…the sad part of alzheimers is just because the person doesn’t remember the family-the family uses that as an excuse to stay away more and more-at a time when being there more often for the person is necessary to the quality of their life…they need to be engaged… puzzles , movies…music… stories, toys …ice cream…smiles…the feeding tube is a good thing- you wouldn’t starve a child…but make the most of the time she has left by being there for her and make each visit an adventure of some type-make her pretty do her nails-give her a stuffed animal to have with her and keep her safe-something for her to care for…cherish the time together- she is special for who she is now, not just for who she was…and when God is ready for her and her loved ones and angels come for her-she will go home…
 
Wow…again… your description of the Alzheimer’s patient…is beautiful…and they are. The eye closing… because they have no constant… like a child hiding… or confused… Thank you for being up front about how we should treat those who are loved by God … and us… They deserve our kindness… and interaction … by whatever means we have to share with them.
Whether it is the abortion of the Down’s Syndrome child…or the neglect or euthanasia or the Alzheimer’s person… we have to look beyond the surface… and see the gift that each person is… born and unborn… aware or unaware… they are treasures that make us rich in mercy

Granny D
 
Although I am not Catholic I was raised in a Catholic home on both sides. I also have personal experience with alzheihers and end of life issues. So I ask that you consider what I am writing.

Although not using a feeding tube is allowed by Catholicism because it is not considered euthanasia, it is unimaginably cruel. It is hard to know how Christians could support it. The “leave it in the hand of God” people are just being ignorant and stupid.

Without a feeding tube, you are talking about death by starvation or dehydration. This is a horrible way to die. I know I have seen it. My paternal grandmother was denied food and water at the end of her life by good Catholic members of my family because that was all that was allowed to be done. I can not even describe the agony of her last weeks as she held on. But I was to young then to do anything about it.

If I was sure to spend eternity nailed to a rock in the deepest pit of hell I would never allow anyone I love to suffer that way again. I would strangle them to death with my bare hands it thats would it took to stop that torture. And as long as I live, I will never see “good” Catholics the same way.
 
mcteague…I’m sure your grandma is very proud of you for speaking out to help others…personally I feel withholding anything in the end stages is not about God- but more about ignorant people playing God…When asked if my mother had a DNR on file and more recently my sister who passed… I told them that you do everything you can to help them- and THEN if they don’t make it… it is because it is their time to go home… when it IS our time-nothing can keep us here…👍
 
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