Am I a prude?

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**So my daughter (a professional 30 something, devoted Protestant) calls and tells me that instead of playing bunco, she and the group of young moms in her neighborhood sat around talking about issues and much discussion was on “sex toys”. As she goes in the conversation, my mind is screaming TMI, TMI and I’m simply saying… “oh, dear”. I think it is an abomination; yet, she tells me there are Christians who market these items… so, I googled “Christian sex toys” and lo and behold, there are, which only intensified my mortification! **
What are the thoughts on this? Has Christianity evolved this much or am I just a prude by believing God gave us ALL the equipment necessary for sexual intercourse. BTW… I believe that sexual intercourse is designed for pro-creation NOT recreation.
Thanks for listening~
Shalom~


At the end of our life, we shall all be judged by charity. – St. John of the Cross
The world secularizes the sacred, because it knows not the Lord.

You are a prude, because you are being prudent. God bless!
 
Great post, Cat! ITA! This may shock some here but God really wants you to have great sex with your spouse, it is part of His design–ENJOY!
I went back and read some of the posts again and I couldn’t help but hit the quote button on this one. I don’t think it’s part of His design to “have great sex” with your spouse. The way you define it, you’ve been saying things like “get some” so I disagree with your point of view when it comes to the marital union.

God made Adam & Eve full of grace. So the marital act for them was for procreation, love and bonding. I do believe along with that came pleasure but it was a pure and clean pleasure that came from God. There was no room for lust for them. They didn’t even know they were naked until they ate of the tree from which God told them not to eat. They covered themselves up as soon as they discovered they were naked. They even did a horrible job of “covering” themselves. They were not being modest. Pretty much what we have today with all the trashy clothes. God had to cover them up with garments of skin from an animal so they wouldn’t be exposed.

So because of the fall, we cannot allow our minds and hearts to wander not even for one second. I feel we have one up on Adam & Eve because Jesus gave us the Sacrament of Matrimony to experience a love union with our spouse. Adam & Eve on the other hand fell before they united. Oh brother, this could open up a whole other discussion. 🤷
“the marriage bed is undefiled”
You clearly misinterpreted that verse. Please read my previous post about that verse.
 
ALLGIRLS;3800182:
Hi AlegreFe, sorry to hijack, but your post caught my eye, specifically the part I bolded. So, do you believe that couples where the wife is pregnant or past menopause shouldn’t be having relations? I’m currently pregnant, so when my husband and I come together, it is strictly for the unitive aspect, of which the pleasure is foremost (if we didn’t think it was going to be pleasurable, we’d just snuggle and go to sleep). Just curious, as this sounds like St. Augustine’s view of sex (which I believe was probably an overreaction to his very unchaste life prior to his conversion, but that’s just my opinion), which was never official Church teaching or doctrine.
But you see, life is already there if you’re pregnant. Even so, thinking ‘lust’ is not right. Thinking love is best. As I said in a previous post, when two people come together in the holy marital act it brings them closer together. But I also feel if one or both think lust (whether coming together for life or not) there could be a danger in that. When someone thinks ‘lust’ they are not thinking “glory of God.” That is our concupiscence as a result of the fall of Adam & Eve.

As far as ‘past menopause’ goes, the same thing as I said about the a bond forming when the couple come together. God gave us the gift of coming together as a “renewing of vows” also, not just for pleasure. Marriage is a Sacrament and every time a couple come together the vows are renewed and the bond is strengthened. But again, ‘lust’ can be dangerous here too. Think ‘love’ not ‘lust’ and you’ll be fine.

Oh, and you can call me Sandy. 🙂
There is so much going through my head when I post that I forget sometimes to put everything down. I wanted to add that even if you are pregnant (very early stage) you can still conceive another life. It has been known to happen. It is a possibility that some twins are not actually twins because they were conceived at different times.

So if a woman is pregnant and is not using AC they can still be open to life. 😉

Same thing with a woman past menopause. Look what happened to Sarah. She was “open to life” even at her age and God gave her a gift as a result.
 
The way I see it, do such toys really enhance pleasure? It seems to me that the more people focus on “bodily sexual pleasures” and “sexual peaks”, the more they forget to concentrate on the mind and the spirit. This is why men who think they are really good lovers because they have read many porno books and “how to’s” are generally the worst on earth!

Men are more inclined than women (overall) to get turned on by tools. Most women actually prefer to be turned on by the mind.

If the mind isn’t turned on, the tool won’t make any difference.
If the mind “is” turned on, there will be no need for a tool because even if the other partner can’t perform there will be a spiritual bonding so great and powerful that sexual satisfaction will seem insignificant compared.

Most women tend to associate sex with “closeness, love, and also a degree of spirituality.” When tools are used for the body, it can give them a feeling of being “detached from the mind, or the soul.”

For awhile tool use may seem like fun but if continues, women may eventually feel that the bottom half of their bodies is more important to their partner than the top half. This can result in a feeling of the mind competing with the body, or in other words, “crotch jealousy.”

Most women don’t competition in this way. This jealousy can result in the women eventually becoming repulsed by sex and not wanting sex at all (which happens in literally millions of marriages).

While I can’t speak for everyone because not all people are the same, I do believe I speak for the majority of women. Women who feel that their attraction to their spouse is more important physically than it is mentally may eventually feel as though they are little more than hookers, and this can destroy the beautiful “spiritual feeling” of the relationship with their partner permanently in the long run.

This is probably why millions of men complain that their wives aren’t interested in sex. The poor guys tried to turn them on in ways that they would turn themselves on, forgetting that women’s minds overall work quite differently from their own. As a result, the harder they try to please their wives, the more turned off they become.

So how can men reach women’s minds? More likely by a long long massage and sweet words whispered into her ear (provided there have been no nasty words before or after the event that week. If there have been, those words too will tend to ring bells in her mind during the act and could result in disinterest.

**So
my daughter (a professional 30 something, devoted Protestant) calls and tells me that instead of playing bunco, she and the group of young moms in her neighborhood sat around talking about issues and much discussion was on “sex toys”. As she goes in the conversation, my mind is screaming TMI, TMI and I’m simply saying… “oh, dear”. I think it is an abomination; yet, she tells me there are Christians who market these items… so, I googled “Christian sex toys” and lo and behold, there are, which only intensified my mortification! **
What are the thoughts on this? Has Christianity evolved this much or am I just a prude by believing God gave us ALL the equipment necessary for sexual intercourse. BTW… I believe that sexual intercourse is designed for pro-creation NOT recreation.
Thanks for listening~
Shalom~


At the end of our life, we shall all be judged by charity. – St. John of the Cross
 
The way I see it, do such toys really enhance pleasure? It seems to me that the more people focus on “bodily sexual pleasures” and “sexual peaks”, the more they forget to concentrate on the mind and the spirit. This is why men who think they are really good lovers because they have read many porno books and “how to’s” are generally the worst on earth!
🙂 This made me laugh a little. Well maybe a wee bit more than just a little.
Men are more inclined than women (overall) to get turned on by tools. Most women actually prefer to be turned on by the mind.
This is true. :yup:
If the mind isn’t turned on, the tool won’t make any difference.
If the mind “is” turned on, there will be no need for a tool because even if the other partner can’t perform there will be a spiritual bonding so great and powerful that sexual satisfaction will seem insignificant compared.
Oh how true this is! That bond is the one of which Christopher West speaks. We have that kind of union when we partake of the Body & Blood of Jesus in the Eucharist. There is nothing better than that union we have with Jesus. It is more intimate than the marital union. When we partake of the Eucharist, God is creating a new life within us. We die to ourselves and let Jesus live within our hearts. Jesus even said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.” So that goes along with the marital union needing to be open to new life just as God creates new life within us every time we partake of the Eucharist. Being “open to life” means never to use any kind of artificial contraception. Let God decide when He wants to start a new life. Even if you use NFP you are still open to life. You could also think of it as open to your own life and not being condemned for all eternity.
Most women tend to associate sex with “closeness, love, and also a degree of spirituality.” When tools are used for the body, it can give them a feeling of being “detached from the mind, or the soul.”
So very true!
For awhile tool use may seem like fun but if continues, women may eventually feel that the bottom half of their bodies is more important to their partner than the top half. This can result in a feeling of the mind competing with the body, or in other words, “crotch jealousy.”
I would never think that any kind of tool is fun, not even “for a while.” But I know what you’re saying and I agree.
Most women don’t competition in this way. This jealousy can result in the women eventually becoming repulsed by sex and not wanting sex at all (which happens in literally millions of marriages).

While I can’t speak for everyone because not all people are the same, I do believe I speak for the majority of women. Women who feel that their attraction to their spouse is more important physically than it is mentally may eventually feel as though they are little more than hookers, and this can destroy the beautiful “spiritual feeling” of the relationship with their partner permanently in the long run.
I agree.
This is probably why millions of men complain that their wives aren’t interested in sex. The poor guys tried to turn them on in ways that they would turn themselves on, forgetting that women’s minds overall work quite differently from their own. As a result, the harder they try to please their wives, the more turned off they become.
So true. This one made me laugh too.
So how can men reach women’s minds? More likely by a long long massage and sweet words whispered into her ear (provided there have been no nasty words before or after the event that week. If there have been, those words too will tend to ring bells in her mind during the act and could result in disinterest.
This is so true. They say women have better memory than men. So to all you men out there, make sure you don’t say anything mean to your wife if you plan on being with her within the next few days or even possibly, weeks. 😉
 
“Christian” Sex toys.

What’s next, “Christian” porn? Hey, if you use it just to get your sex life with your spouse jump-started, why not? :rolleyes:
 
I’m still lost.
What’s the difference between Christian sex toys and regular ones?
 
So my daughter (a professional 30 something, devoted Protestant) calls and tells me that instead of playing bunco, she and the group of young moms in her neighborhood sat around talking about issues and much discussion was on "sex toys"

I was a devoted protestant married woman for a long time, and I can tell you that my professional protestant lady friends and I would NEVER have discussed any of this. We did however discuss thong underwear at my baby shower! 🤷

Faithful or devoted protestants will keep in mind scripture when talking with their girlfriends: *** “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word that is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.” ***
(I forget the scripture reference…sorry, I’m getting a bit sloppy since my conversion;) )

I would encourage your daughter in her personal holiness. There are plenty of Scripture references for holiness and purity.
 
I think “Am I a prude?” is not the real question here.

Would the real question be “Are marital “enhancements” morally acceptable?”
 
I know a lot of men get angry when they read some of these things, and think, “look, why does everything have to focus on appeasing women through their spirituality?” What about the feelings of men, who generally prefer to be appeased physically?"

Unfortunately, woman are generally inclined to define love as a “close mental connection” while men are generally inclined to define it as a “close physical connection.”

The only reason I responded on behalf of women is because it’s usually men who feel their wives are the ones with lack of sexual interest. The person with a “lack of whatever” is the one who needs to be catered to most in that regard, keeping in mind that it’s difficult to keep any marriage alive without some degree of " both spirituality and sexuality being shown by each partner.

In the event that it’s the man who has the problem with sex, tools may be of some assistance and the men would surely appreciate consideration by their wives.

I once read that, were it not for testosterone, most men wouldn’t be much motivated to “impress women” and especially to provide for them. God had to give them something different that would really give them “oomph” so they would have the drive to take care of their women. Without it, they might be more inclined to hang around in bars with their buddies than with women.

So although I wouldn’t recommend toys as the best option, I wouldn’t propose eliminating them either. What it all boils down to in the long run, is that each partner has an obligation to consider the feelings of the other. It’s hard to make love work when there isn’t respect and concern for the feelings of the other in all aspects.

Please keep in mind again, when I express my views on these things, that I don’t mean to imply that all men and women are alike. Some women react like men overall, and some men like women. What it all boils down to is plain and simple genetics.

I agree that “Christian” anything is just a marketing ploy. Unless the Christian company or home business is actually manufacturing the toys themselves, these toys are probably manufactured by companies who also sell to pornographic sites and stores, so your money is possibly indirectly helping this industry out.

But as for Christians using sex toys, why not? Many women have a very hard time focusing and relaxing, especially when they are raising babies and young children. A sex toy can help a woman focus on her husband and the sexual act that they are about to enjoy instead of thinking about her To Do list or worrying about the toddler asleep in the next room.

As far as I know, these things are not forbidden between husbands and wives as long as their use is part of foreplay that leads to a complete sexual union that is open to life.
 
hi Tracy 10 you got me i was/am a little miffed by what you stated earlier that men have to “cater” to women’s needs.my wife has no understanding that i as a man do like some visual stimuly(sic).she just says that is what a porn star would do or wear.bc i have had a big problem with this stuff and at the occasional time lose in the battle to temptation.
 
I was a devoted protestant married woman for a long time, and I can tell you that my professional protestant lady friends and I would NEVER have discussed any of this. We did however discuss thong underwear at my baby shower! 🤷

Faithful or devoted protestants will keep in mind scripture when talking with their girlfriends: *** “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word that is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.” ***
(I forget the scripture reference…sorry, I’m getting a bit sloppy since my conversion;) )

I would encourage your daughter in her personal holiness. There are plenty of Scripture references for holiness and purity.
Wow, that’s great. There are many things we can learn from a protestant. It is a shame that many so-called Catholics do not act very Christian-like. 😦 I wish many Catholics were better Catechised growing up, including myself. If I knew then what I know now… 😊

btw, that’s Ephesians 4:29.
I like this version 😃
“Let no filthy talk be heard from your mouths…” No filthy talk! :mad: 😃 😉
That was the ISV Protestant version. I like that one. It gets the point across. “Filthy” is a word anyone can understand. LOL

Eph 4:29 NAB - Catholic
No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear.

Eph 4:29 NASB - Protestant
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
 
I’m still lost.
What’s the difference between Christian sex toys and regular ones?
None. They’re still sex toys. No need for them. God made our bodies in such a way that we do not need “sex toys.” He also gave us hearts and minds that we use them during the holy marital union. We are trinitarian beings; Heart, Mind & Body. All three should be used during the marital act. If everyone engaged in this manner, these “sex toy” businesses would cease to exist.
 
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