Am I aiding in someone's sin here?

[ChildOfTheLight]

Okay, I used to go to mass with a certain member of my family. Now that I teach CCD Sunday morning however, I cannot attend at our usual time (9am). At one point, I went later and they continued to attend at 9. They have stopped going on a weekly basis, but will still attend mass with me when I go to the 9 (say, when I don’t go to CCD).

It has become quite clear to me that this family member is only willing to attend mass if at9am, and with me.

Am I supposed to quit my job teaching twenty kids about the faith just to get this one person to mass? Am I being scrupulous? I’d like to think I’m not as they are more than welcome to go on their own, or with me later, and once I move out, I may not be able to attend with them at all.

I realize the problem is deeper than just getting them to mass. Obviously, they don’t know why they need to attend mass, and I am trying for a long-term solution conversation with this person, but as they have authority over me in the house, I have to be careful how I approach the problem (I don’t sound naggy or I know better, as that will push them away more). I can’t help but think that even if I get them to mass, they’re their for the wrong reason anyway, so I am doing more good by looking for any opportunity to talk to them while helping the CCD class at 9am.

I have had problems with scrupulousity, so if you feel like this is a silly worry, please tell me. I am sorry for also talking in code with who they are, but it’s for the same reason I have to approach strangers instead of a local priest. Don’t want anyone who knows them to think less of them.

 

[LilyM]

So much depends on the nature of the relationship between you that it’s difficult to give a definite answer without knowing a little something about how you are related.

A husband may have authority over his wife, but a wife still has a very serious duty in regards her husband’s spiritual welfare. Much more so than, say, a child in relation to his or her parent or another older member of the family. So the nature of the relationship does matter. On the other hand, even spouses sometimes tend to be so stubborn about things that there’s only so much you can do besides praying for them.

Don’t nag, I agree, it won’t help. First of all, how does this person get to Church when you don’t go with them? Do they just go by themselves, or are there plenty of other family or friends there with them as well? Is it easy for them to go when you’re not around, or does it require a lot of effort? Has something changed recently - new priest, changes in the music or the way the Mass is celebrated or something, maybe that has turned them off?

If there’s no other obvious explanation, start a dialogue - ‘You used to love going to Mass, but I notice you’re a lot less keen on it now.’ Or something like that. Maybe just lead by example - during weeks that they don’t attend, say something like ‘oh, you should have been at Mass today, there was such a great homily about xyz/some really great singing’ or something like that.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Okay, I used to go to mass with a certain member of my family. Now that I teach CCD Sunday morning however, I cannot attend at our usual time (9am). At one point, I went later and they continued to attend at 9. They have stopped going on a weekly basis, but will still attend mass with me when I go to the 9 (say, when I don’t go to CCD).

Could this person become your assistant for CCD? That way they could go with you for the CCD portion of your morning, then stay and go to Mass with you afterward.

 

[PJM]

=ChildOfTheLight;7485212]Okay, I used to go to mass with a certain member of my family. Now that I teach CCD Sunday morning however, I cannot attend at our usual time (9am). At one point, I went later and they continued to attend at 9. They have stopped going on a weekly basis, but will still attend mass with me when I go to the 9 (say, when I don’t go to CCD).

It has become quite clear to me that this family member is only willing to attend mass if at9am, and with me.

***What kind of Faith Formation and understanding of Personal Sin does this family member have? Specifically are they aware that fulfilling One’s Sabbath Obligation is NOT an Option? IF NOT, they must be so instructed, and IN charity, informed of this Grave [under the penalty of Mortal sin," fulfill this Obligation. If there are NO impediments such as no transportation, serious illness present; and the Mass Obligation is understood; the issue rest with the family member.

However if your qualified to teach our Faith, but have not fully shared it within your family; that is a issue for you and your Confessor to discuss.

Without metigating circumstances* we are NOT responsible for anothers freewill decisions to sin.**

From the Catechism: 2042 The first precept (“You shall attend Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation and rest from servile labor”) requires the faithful to sanctify the day commemorating the Resurrection of the Lord as well as the principal liturgical feasts honoring the Mysteries of the Lord, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and the saints; in the first place, by participating in the Eucharistic celebration, in which the Christian community is gathered, and by resting from those works and activities which could impede such a sanctification of these days.

The second precept (“You shall confess your sins at least once a year”) ensures preparation for the Eucharist by the reception of the sacrament of reconciliation, which continues Baptism’s work of conversion and forgiveness.

The third precept (“You shall receive the sacrament of the Eucharist at least during the Easter season”) guarantees as a minimum the reception of the Lord’s Body and Blood in connection with the Paschal feasts, the origin and center of the Christian liturgy."

I realize the problem is deeper than just getting them to mass. Obviously, they don’t know why they need to attend mass, and I am trying for a long-term solution conversation with this person, but as they have authority over me in the house, I have to be careful how I approach the problem (I don’t sound naggy or I know better, as that will push them away more). I can’t help but think that even if I get them to mass, they’re their for the wrong reason anyway, so I am doing more good by looking for any opportunity to talk to them while helping the CCD class at 9am.

I have had problems with scrupulousity, so if you feel like this is a silly worry, please tell me. I am sorry for also talking in code with who they are, but it’s for the same reason I have to approach strangers instead of a local priest. Don’t want anyone who knows them to think less of them.

This definitely NOT a silly worry." And given the circumstances, even without sin on your part this is a subject that NEEDS to be discussed with your Confessor. As you ask “Which is the GREATER GOOD,” and MUCH needs to be factored into the answer; a discussion with one trained is such decisions needs to b sought. For example: are there others who COULD teach your class?

Is there even a POSSIBILITY of this family member being properly taught without a confrontation?

Your concern is well grounded; BUT sufficient infomation is not present in your post for qualified advice beyond what I am sharing. Please discuss the matter with your Confessor ASAP.

God Bless,
Pat

 

[1ke]

Am I supposed to quit my job teaching twenty kids about the faith just to get this one person to mass?

No.

Am I being scrupulous?

Yes.

 

[teachccd]

Am I supposed to quit my job teaching twenty kids about the faith just to get this one person to mass?

No, unless the person is physically incapable of getting themselves to Mass. If they really wanted to attend Mass they can go without you or go when you do. The culpability falls on that person and not on you. You definitely should not quit your teaching but instead extend it to this person as you say that you already are.

Am I being scrupulous?

Perhaps, but I think that you are feeling the guilt that this family member is imposing and I do feel that it is selfish on their part to put such demands on you.

 

[smichhertz]

You certainly have an obligation to your family member, but its extreme to think you have to take them to mass every week. You are not their babysitter. At some point they have to take responsibility for their own spiritual life, you cannot hold their hands.

I’d recommend talking to the family member and trying to get them to see the seriousness of what they are doing. It’s difficult to give more concrete advice without knowing all the details, but I would definitely say you are not aiding someone in sin in this case.

You and your family member are in my prayers. Good luck!

 

[puzzleannie]

Okay, I used to go to mass with a certain member of my family. Now that I teach CCD Sunday morning however, I cannot attend at our usual time (9am). At one point, I went later and they continued to attend at 9. They have stopped going on a weekly basis, but will still attend mass with me when I go to the 9 (say, when I don’t go to CCD).

It has become quite clear to me that this family member is only willing to attend mass if at9am, and with me…

is this person an adult, with the ability and means to get to church on their own? then the responsibility is entirely theirs, not yours. If you are their only means for getting to church, then yes you do have a responsibility, thought I don’t know if I would go so far as to say it is a matter of sinning.