Am I being a jerk about chastity?

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You should totally dump her and hold out for a woman who has never comitted a sin of any sort whatsoever.😛

Did she sin? Yup. Did it damage her soul? Of course, that’s what sin IS. Are you really so much better and less damaged? I doubt it.

Presuming your relationship backs up her testimony that she really did repent of that, then there is no reason to classify that sin in her past any differently than those in your own past.
 
57thDimension said:
Related to the above, forumgoers who feel they have the right (or duty) to question or attack other people’s decisions as to who they want to marry. It’s not just limited to virginity, but height, weight, employment, attractiveness, age, Mass preference, etc. Why do people feel they can criticize who someone wants to marry?

I mean, I’m not terribly tall, and it normally annoys me to hear people say they will only marry someone taller than them, or taller than some set height, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel to them, to question their readiness for marriage, or a whole list of other things.
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Be cruel? Of course not. But I’m going to go ahead and be the one to say that if someone has a height requirement for a future spouse then that’s a pretty good indicator that they don’t get what marriage is about and that they need to do some serious growing up before making a commitment like that.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Be cruel? Of course not. But I’m going to go ahead and be the one to say that if someone has a height requirement for a future spouse then that’s a pretty good indicator that they don’t get what marriage is about and that they need to do some serious growing up before making a commitment like that.
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That’s obviously someone who is about limiting family size. Football needs eleven players for a team and baseball nine, but basketball only takes five.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Be cruel? Of course not. But I’m going to go ahead and be the one to say that if someone has a height requirement for a future spouse then that’s a pretty good indicator that they don’t get what marriage is about and that they need to do some serious growing up before making a commitment like that.
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He does have a point.

Decide you’ll only date natural blondes and nobody bats an eye.

But decide you’ll only date a virgin, and everyone loses their mind.
 
KostyaJMJ said:
He does have a point.

Decide you’ll only date natural blondes and nobody bats an eye.

But decide you’ll only date a virgin, and everyone loses their mind.
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Uh…I bat an eye, and most people I know would as well. I’m a natural redhead and if I found out a guy would only date redheads I would run.

Furthermore, only dating virgins means that you are looking at them purely in terms of their sexuality and what they have to offer. That’s creepy and wrong.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Uh…I bat an eye, and most people I know would as well. I’m a natural redhead and if I found out a guy would only date redheads I would run.

Furthermore, only dating virgins means that you are looking at them purely in terms of their sexuality and what they have to offer. That’s creepy and wrong.
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just that phrase, “I only date virgins”, is creepy. to me, it suggests either someone who sees women as either madonna or whore (and who isn’t named Sam Peck(name removed by moderator)ah) or has a ritual deflowering fetish. “I only date chaste women” doesn’t connote that same eeriness.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Uh…I bat an eye, and most people I know would as well. I’m a natural redhead and if I found out a guy would only date redheads I would run.

Furthermore, only dating virgins means that you are looking at them purely in terms of their sexuality and what they have to offer. That’s creepy and wrong.
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It’s not creepy and wrong to want a good quality in your spouse! There is a difference between wanting a spouse that is a virgin because you see it as some sort of power thing or accomplishment (which is what I am hoping is what you find creepy and wrong) and another is because you admire/value that the person was able to control themselves and not have sex ever before marriage and think it is something good for your marriage (and since it is in line with God’s design for marriage, it is good.)

About height… I guess I’m batting 0 here with you guys because not only did I want to marry a virgin, I did want a guy that was taller than me :eek:. I don’t think you aren’t ready for marriage if you figure out you would like to marry someone taller than you. I know several women in happy marriages that are taller than their husbands. Maybe they had no preferences about anything or maybe they had a different preference about something else, but I knew I wanted to marry someone taller than me. I’m not saying I would have automatically turned down anyone that would have been a good choice but was shorter, I am just saying that I was naturally attracted to guys taller than me and I do think attraction is a factor when choosing a spouse (doesn’t have to be physical, there are different types of attraction). I ended up only dating guys that were taller than me (and married one too!).
 
lifeisbeautiful said:
It’s not creepy and wrong to want a good quality in your spouse! .
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It’s not creepy and wrong to want a good quality in your spouse, but it is unrealistic to expect perfection. For example, I want a gentle spouse, but I wouldn’t break up with someone because they lost their temper once seven years ago.
 
lifeisbeautiful said:
It’s not creepy and wrong to want a good quality in your spouse! There is a difference between wanting a spouse that is a virgin because you see it as some sort of power thing or accomplishment (which is what I am hoping is what you find creepy and wrong) and another is because you admire/value that the person was able to control themselves and not have sex ever before marriage and think it is something good for your marriage (and since it is in line with God’s design for marriage, it is good.)

About height… I guess I’m batting 0 here with you guys because not only did I want to marry a virgin, I did want a guy that was taller than me :eek:. I don’t think you aren’t ready for marriage if you figure out you would like to marry someone taller than you. I know several women in happy marriages that are taller than their husbands. Maybe they had no preferences about anything or maybe they had a different preference about something else, but I knew I wanted to marry someone taller than me. I’m not saying I would have automatically turned down anyone that would have been a good choice but was shorter, I am just saying that I was naturally attracted to guys taller than me and I do think attraction is a factor when choosing a spouse (doesn’t have to be physical, there are different types of attraction). I ended up only dating guys that were taller than me (and married one too!).
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No one is saying it’s wrong to have preferences or be attracted to certain qualities, including height. But if someone refuses to date or marry an otherwise good match because of height, hair color, etc then they are simply not ready for marriage. Putting superficial things above shared goals and values, trust, love, communication, and everything else that actually makes a marriage is childish.
 
OP,

I’m really impressed that you took what people said to heart. I hope things work out according to God’s will for you and for the young woman.
 
Whoa! So many replies! I can’t respond to everyone but, thank you. Some good bad and ugly here but overall thank you for taking the time. I really hope that I can move forward with this girl. I hope she accepts my apology.

We may or may not be meant to be, but for those who have said I don’t love her - we’ve only been dating four months! I’m not someone to toss around the word “love” so I will say that I care for this woman very much. I am not one to jump into anything so just because I can’t say I am in love with her now does not mean I won’t be able to say that in another four months 🙂

I’ll let you know what happens.
 
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