Am I being groomed by a priest?

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melvfe

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Hi all,

I’m not sure if I was being groomed by a priest. We knew each other since I was very young.
  1. When we greeted each other, he often initiated hugs only with me in front of my parents.
  2. He gave me some really expensive gifts and money at random times for no reasons.
  3. I told him once last year that I like drinking wine. Subsequently, every time I saw him for confession and even over text, he’d tell me to go drinking, and he’d also tell me that drinking wine every day is good.
  4. He was also gaslighting me, like hinting at me that I am too weak to handle my problems in life.
  5. I told him that I was traumatized by a guy sending me an obscene picture, and the priest told me that there’s nothing to worry about. He blamed my sexual addictions on stress, but I told him that I wasn’t stressed.
  6. He told me to see only him for confession, and no other priests.
Please advise. Thank you.
 
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OP, you mentioned in your other posts that you’re 20 years old. On the basis of that, it’s important to talk to your friends and your family to gain their perspective on the matter.

Only they know you and (hopefully) the priest well enough to offer an informed appraisal of your situation. This isn’t something that anonymous internet forum users can effectively advise.

That being said, it is probably best if you put distance - emotional and physical - being you and the priest for the time being until you decide your next steps.
 
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melvfe said:
He told me to see only him for confession, and no other priests.
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This is a big red flag (I’m not saying it’s the only one, but it’s the one that jumped out most at me). He cannot tell you that. The first thing abusers do, is try to cut their victims off from any possible sources of help.
If you are a minor, I suggest discussing this entire situation with your parents immediately. If not, contact another priest you trust, or the archdiocese. They all have ways to report these things.
And I would cut all contact with this priest, immediately.
 
Thank you. I am already an adult, sadly. 😦 But my parents aren’t on my side, they’re blaming me for contacting him…

I got uncomfortable after he said that to me.
 
I agree you should distance yourself from him. Absolutely don’t accept any gifts from him! That’s another red flag.
 
It sounds like it. Remember adults can be groomed as well, and abuse can happen at any age. Coercion is a real thing.
 
melvfe said:
I got uncomfortable after he said that to me.
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You should be, that was very wrong of him.

Check out your archdiocese website. Ours has the links & phone number for reporting misconduct right on the front page.
 
Just the fact that you are posting this makes it clear that you aren’t comfortable and are suspicious. It doesn’t matter if he is grooming you (which it seems like) or not. You don’t need approval from anyone else to simply stop any contact with this man. You are an adult, nobody can make you continue a relationship, of any nature, with this priest.
 
You also don’t owe anyone any explanations about wanting to cease communication with this man. It doesn’t matter if it is your parents or anyone else. Don’t feel guilty about it. Too often people continue in inappropriate relationships out of some sense of loyalty or possible guilt for thinking negatively about someone. Whether this man is grooming your or not, the bottom line is nothing is worth you second guessing or feeling vulnerable.
 
OP, is this the same priest you had a thread about a couple of years ago? You described only wanting to go to his masses and only to him for confession and that he was an “uncle.”

Do you still live with your parents?
 
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melvfe said:
He gave me some really expensive gifts and money at random times for no reasons
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That is a textbook act of grooming. Investigators look for that. In fact everything you mentioned fits the description of grooming.
 
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I would suggest that if a priest makes you uncomfortable, you distance yourself from the priest and find another priest to go to confession to, etc.

If you feel that something troubling happened in your past, please reach out to a professional counselor. We don’t know you, we don’t know this priest, we don’t know the situation, and it is difficult for us to judge.
 
Hi,

Wow, you’ve got really good memory.

Yes, it’s him, but to be honest, he’s not my uncle. I don’t recall saying uncle anywhere, my apologies.

Please don’t blame or judge me. I’m already feeling really hurt by what he has done to me. It’s totally uncalled for.
 
I don’t think Irishmom2 is trying to “blame or judge you” but if you have posted about this situation before, then it’s reasonable for a poster who remembers the thread to mention that in order to get some background on the situation.

I also don’t think this situation really lends itself to Internet discussion with a bunch of strangers. Please, distance yourself from this priest, and seek professional help.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
I also don’t think this situation really lends itself to Internet discussion with a bunch of strangers. Please, distance yourself from this priest, and seek professional help.
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I would also add that you can report him if you feel called to.
 
I am planning to report him, but I am concerned that I do not have sufficient evidence. I managed to take down a few screenshots of his text messages, but I report whatever I do to my sister on social media as well as write down what goes on in my life in a journal, so I hope that there is enough evidence.
 
I am not sure how you got blaming and judging from my post.

In one of your other threads, you brought up the word uncle, not me. That is why it was in quotes. It is an important piece of the puzzle to be aware of when answering.

You do know that all of your past threads are still visible on CAF, right?
 
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