Am I confessing the wrong things?

[rosemerry]

I should note that I have a hard time telling if a sin is venial or mortal in spite of having Catholic education and reading on the differences between the two types. Are feelings of hatred towards other people or feelings of jealousy sins? Or what about frustrations with God’s will or impatience with God’s timing? Is it worth mentioning in confession that I am critical of those who sin in different ways than I do, or is that not really a sin? Are these sort of things even worth mentioning in confession? I don’t want to be overly scrupulous nor do I want to omit these from confession because I believe such sins may be venial. Would not praying daily, lying, or gossiping require going to confession? I’m obviously pretty confused.
Thanks for any feedback.

 

[MichaelHowling]

You’re mentioning feelings…if these feelings stop there…as just feelings and you don’t entertain the feeling…then it’s not a sin…it’s just being human…we have feelings. It’s what we do with the feelings that we have to confess.

Now later in your post you mention gossiping and lying…these are sins. If they are relatively harmless …they probably are veinial and you don’t NEED to confess (although it’s a good practice to confess anyway…cause small sins can later grow into bigger ones)…if the gossip or lying was of serious matter…you MUST confess.

Don’t be too hard on yourself…God already know’s your sins…confession is for YOU. If a sin is hurting you and playing in your head and heart…just confess it and bring it to Jesus and move on.

God bless

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Are feelings of hatred towards other people or feelings of jealousy sins? Or what about frustrations with God’s will or impatience with God’s timing? Is it worth mentioning in confession that I am critical of those who sin in different ways than I do, or is that not really a sin?

Such feelings are certainly sinful if we deliberately encourage or dwell on them. We should resolve to avoid evil thoughts. I doubt that mere impatience is much of a sin.

Would not praying daily, lying, or gossiping require going to confession?

I don’t know that laypeople are obliged to pray daily although it is certainly a good practice. Lying and gossiping are, of course, sinful. Whether mortal or venial depends on various factors. If in doubt, confess them.

 

[Oren]

Unless you have a real disorder like scrupulosity then anything that pricks your conscience is probably a sin. But, that is not necessary to confess. Pick some ones that are bothering you, one or two and then confess those and work on them.
Whether it is mortal or not…I would say look at different examinations of conscience. Google it and look at a bunch of different ones. That way you can get a fuller picture of what serious sins are and not just one opinion.

this one is pretty good: ncregister.com/info/confession_guide_for_adults/

When you read the list though, you have to remember, it has got to be something serious to be mortal. If you were just talking about how your friend stopped talking to you and you’re wondering why…is that gossip or saying stuff that should be kept confidential, well yeah probably, but is it serious? no. On the other hand, if you told one of your friends that you saw your friend hanging out with someone and hinted it might be adultery or something, then yeah, that’s a serious thing, gossip, slander etc. That could really harm their life.

I tried to think about the envy one and what could be an example of mortal sin…that one is kind of confusing to me too honestly. Maybe if you just thought that having possessions or a nice family were the end all be all of life? Nothing concrete comes to mind though.

Stealing. Obviously taking a candy bar laying around the office that isn’t yours is not a mortal sin. But if you were embezzling money it would be etc.

Just a couple of examples. I’m no expert and some of it is confusing to me too as it is to most everyone I’m sure.

 

[Mary_Ellen]

As already mentioned, feelings are not sins. Dwelling on them and allowing them to take over may be a sin, however, so be careful not to allow jealousy to become envy or covetousness. Dislike of someone is not sinful, actual hatred - that’s tough, if it leads you to wish evil towards the person that would be a sin.

Frustration with God’s will and timing seems like more feelings - not a sin. Being rebellious against God’s will may be a sin, though.

Being critical of others may be a sin. I confess something like this regularly as it is the result of my excessive pride.

Not praying - daily prayer is necessary for progress along the spiritual journey. The First Commandment tells us that God should be first in our lives - nothing should come before Him. If He’s truly first in my life I would be making more time for Him in prayer during my days. I confess the lack of prayer in my life every week - I could always do better. Also, as a Lay Carmelite, I am required to pray certain prayers every day if I am able. I am definitely able but am also slothful.

Lying and gossiping are sins, they may be venial or mortal - depending upon circumstances.

I go to confession weekly and almost always only confess venial sins as I don’t generally commit mortal sins. I don’t recommend weekly confession to anyone (I love it but I feel this should be discussed with a spiritual director, first) but I do urge everyone to go monthly, even if they don’t have any mortal sins to confess. Confession of venial sins is not required but is encouraged by the Church:

Canon Law. 988 §2. It is recommended to the Christian faithful that they also confess venial sins.

Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1458 Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church.59 Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful:……

CCC 1493 One who desires to obtain reconciliation with God and with the Church, must confess to a priest all the unconfessed grave sins he remembers after having carefully examined his conscience. The confession of venial faults, without being necessary in itself, is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church.

 

[Lasting_faith]

I might be wrong with this one (too) but I have the understanding that lay-people are obliged to pray at least The Angelus-prayer and one priest did tell me that the last prayer for every day must be from Luke 1:46-52, I say it every night, unless I fall asleep on the sofa and then crawl to bed without much knowledge of what I am or where.

It is hard to say what is the “wrong” thing to confess. My own “rule” is that if it feels bad to do it is a sin, and if I confess it and get out without a penance it was not a sin but I still don’t do it twice.

Lying is a sin unless you don’t save someones life with it, gossiping is a sin, it may hurt someone, to be jealous is a sin, almost, meaning, in my mind, that if your neighbour have a new car and you still drive along in that old thin bucket they sold you ten years ago and you have hostile thoughts about you neighbour it is a sin. If you are jealous toward some person who seem to be at bit to interested in your spouse it is a thing you can’t really control so I reckon that is not a sin. Problem is that there is no “quick reference handbook” where all sins are listed in alphabetical order, we really need to think by our self a bit there. I confess everything I feel bad about and sometimes it is a sin, sometimes it is not, and of course if I break any official doctrine The RCC have.

I don’t think you confess the wrong things, but you could be a bit more specific talking with your confessor. It is good that he knows ALL and above all, the CIRCUMSTANCES where you think you did sin, and don’t be afraid to ask.

 

[InLight247]

I should note that I have a hard time telling if a sin is venial or mortal in spite of having Catholic education and reading on the differences between the two types. Are feelings of hatred towards other people or feelings of jealousy sins? Or what about frustrations with God’s will or impatience with God’s timing? Is it worth mentioning in confession that I am critical of those who sin in different ways than I do, or is that not really a sin? Are these sort of things even worth mentioning in confession? I don’t want to be overly scrupulous nor do I want to omit these from confession because I believe such sins may be venial. Would not praying daily, lying, or gossiping require going to confession? I’m obviously pretty confused.
Thanks for any feedback.

You asked good questions and have received good answers. Confession is not only for mortal sins, they are for venial sins and imperfections also.

CCC1458 Without being strictly necessary,confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful.

Confession of venial sins and imperfections are important in working toward holiness. The “feelings” you mentioned in your post should definitely be dealt with if they occurred and re-occurred. Yes, they should be mentioned in the Sacrament of Reconciliation so God’s grace can help us to do better.

Remember the penitential rite in the beginning of the Mass - “…… that I have greatly sinned in my thoughts ……”? It may just start with a subtle feeling of a fleeting thought – “I hate(dislike) that person”, but would that “feeling” or “thought” just stop without it being dealt with? Probably not. Next time when we see the same person, the same “feeling” or same “thought” may appear again, and so on and so forth …… However, if we bring this up in the confession, we give ourselves a chance to work on it. Our resolutions may help us overcome such “feeling” or “thought” and form charity in our hearts.

There is nothing too small in our spiritual life – not in the sense of being scrupulous but in the sincerity of striving for holiness.

 

[Mary_Ellen]

I might be wrong with this one (too) but I have the understanding that lay-people are obliged to pray at least The Angelus-prayer and one priest did tell me that the last prayer for every day must be from Luke 1:46-52, I say it every night, unless I fall asleep on the sofa and then crawl to bed without much knowledge of what I am or where.

Lay persons are under **no **such obligations, neither to pray the Angelus nor the Magnificat daily.

Luke 1:46-55 (the Canticle of Mary, aka Magnificat) is prayed during Evening Prayer by those who pray the Liturgy of the Hours. It’s Luke 2:29-32, the Canticle of Simeon, which is prayed at Night Prayer.

While the Liturgy of the Hours are required of most ordained and religious in the Church the laity do not have to pray these prayers under pain of sin.

If you can find current (1983) Canon Law contradicting this information, please cite it. Thanks.

 

[rosemerry]

Thank you for all of the replies! Very thorough and helpful. I appreciate the feedback.

 

[rosemerry]

Being critical of others may be a sin. I confess something like this regularly as it is the result of my excessive pride.

So pride is a serious sin worth confessing right? Is mentioning pride sufficient enough or would that have to be explained? (I may also have a problem with being too vague…)

I go to confession weekly and almost always only confess venial sins as I don’t generally commit mortal sins.

I have an idea of which sins are mortal, but those are the ones that I avoid and may not commit every month. So you would recommend monthly confession even if mortal sins aren’t committed?

Thanks for your replies

 

[rosemerry]

It may just start with a subtle feeling of a fleeting thought – “I hate(dislike) that person”, but would that “feeling” or “thought” just stop without it being dealt with? Probably not. Next time when we see the same person, the same “feeling” or same “thought” may appear again, and so on and so forth …… However, if we bring this up in the confession, we give ourselves a chance to work on it. Our resolutions may help us overcome such “feeling” or “thought” and form charity in our hearts.

I like this idea. Perhaps I should elaborate a little in confession then. I tend to list vague sins without any explanation–ex: “pride, jealousy, feelings of hatred,” etc… I am trying to grow in holiness and keep myself from becoming bitter towards some of the people closest to me, so simply saying I have felt hatred for some people probably won’t get me anywhere. Your suggestion makes sense, so thank you.

 

[InLight247]

I am trying to grow in holiness…

Frequent confession helps us grow in holiness. I take the Sacrament of Penance as an opportunity of pouring my heart to God. Frankly expressing my inner most self without any excuse or cover-up brings profound intimacy with God and lots of divine grace. I haven’t had any mortal sin to confess for many years; regardless I go to confession every month, at least no longer than six weeks.

Having a holy priest as the regular confessor is a true blessing. My spiritual director was my confessor before he moved away. After SD left, I was blessed with a very holy young priest as my confessor who understood my desire of holiness and gave me great encouragement. This confessor moved away also. Now I am still looking for a regular confessor.

 

[Mary_Ellen]

So pride is a serious sin worth confessing right? Is mentioning pride sufficient enough or would that have to be explained? (I may also have a problem with being too vague…)

I have an idea of which sins are mortal, but those are the ones that I avoid and may not commit every month. So you would recommend monthly confession even if mortal sins aren’t committed?

Thanks for your replies

I do recommend monthly confession to everyone, whether or not they have mortal sins to confess. Although St. Francis de Sales recommends weekly confession - most other saints I have read recommend monthly. Regular practice of a good examination of conscience helps us to p(name removed by moderator)oint where we fail and need to improve in our lives. Reception of the Sacrament of Reconciliation gives us the grace and strength to make the changes that need to happen.

The seven deadly sins are not so much sins in and of themselves but tendencies toward sin. Rather than just confess “pride” I confess that I have been proud and then list the ways in which I have been proud: I expect recognition and was disappointed when no one mentioned how well I sang on Sunday, I have been overly critical of others in my mind and this has shown in my exterior attitude, I was resentful when corrected by my formation director regarding how I was praying the Liturgy of the Hours.

I use the following questions in my examination of conscience with regards to the sin of Pride. They help me get more specific in my confession:

Do I entertain too great an opinion of myself or value myself above my deserts?
Have I a superior attitude in thinking, or speaking or acting?
Have I refused to admit my own weakness(es)?
Am I snobbish?
Have I offensive, haughty ways of acting or carrying myself?
Do I hold myself above others?
Do I demand recognition?
Do I desire to be always first?
Do I never seek advice? Am I ready to accept advice?
Have I refused to learn from others?
Am I in any sense a “bully”? Am I inclined to be “bossy”?
Am I prone to belittle persons, or places, or things?
Am I prone to be critical of persons, places, things?
Do I speak ill of others?
Have I lied about others?
Do I make known the faults of others?
Am I ready to speak about the faults of others? Do I find fault easily?
Do I seek to place the blame on others, excusing myself?
Am I quick to see the faults of others? Or dwell on others’ faults?
Do I ridicule others?
Is there anyone to whom I refuse to speak? Is there anyone to whom I have not spoken for a long time?
Am I prone to argue? Am I positive and offensive in my arguments? Have I a superior, “a know-it-all attitude” in arguments?
Have I been stubborn? Refused to admit I was wrong? Refused to accept that another person had a better idea?
Am I self-conscious?
Does human respect enter into my daily life?
Am I sensitive? Am I easily wounded?
Do I tend to publish what I think good in myself, that I may be esteemed by others?
Am I arrogant, attributing to myself the good I have not.
Am I presumptuous and overly ambitious, by confiding too much in my own strength, conceiving myself capable of accomplishing things above my abilities, and in rashly attempting them?
Do I have contempt of others, on account of the good opinions I have of myself, and is this contempt is manifested by words or actions or by being severe and exacting on inferiors?
Do I neglect to submit to my superiors, by disobeying them, blaming their conduct, or murmuring against them?
Do I refuse to acknowledge my faults; or when, in confessing the facts, we maintain we have done well, or at least allege false excuses?
Do I have contempt of admonitions and corrections?
Am I ungrateful for God’s benefits?
Have I been content with my lowly position, or have I resented the role that Christ asks of me?
False-humility fails to use our gifts. Have I neglected to use the talents that God has given me?

 

[iamcatholic100]

Better to confess things that are bothering you on the inside ASAP than to just keep them bottled up. Your confessor, if he is a good one, will give you advice on how to deal with them. Its also always nice to have an examination of concscience before confession, both for The 10 Commandments and the Seven Deadly Sins.

 

[Boy_Wonder]

I should note that I have a hard time telling if a sin is venial or mortal in spite of having Catholic education and reading on the differences between the two types. Are feelings of hatred towards other people or feelings of jealousy sins? Or what about frustrations with God’s will or impatience with God’s timing? Is it worth mentioning in confession that I am critical of those who sin in different ways than I do, or is that not really a sin? Are these sort of things even worth mentioning in confession? I don’t want to be overly scrupulous nor do I want to omit these from confession because I believe such sins may be venial. Would not praying daily, lying, or gossiping require going to confession? I’m obviously pretty confused.
Thanks for any feedback.

It’s good that you’re wondering about these things. Back them up. Look for the roots. While some of these things may be actual sins and others perhaps not, the source of these sentiments can be the true problem. Envy, spiritual pride, lack of charity, etc. are things we should mention as areas where we need to grow and then we should ask the priest for advice about them.