Am I cursed? How do I lift this curse?

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LuvGodandFortnite

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I feel cursed because I’m so lonely. I haven’t had a friend in years. I’m a 22 year old female and I have dreams of getting married but no guys like me or ever ask me out! Ive never been asked on a date or flirted with which is unheard of at my age. Guys have zero interest in me. Everyone around me is falling in love and I’ve always been left out and lonely. Everyone tells me I’m super nice. I try so hard to look pretty. Still no guys want me. I’m extremely hurt. I believe I’m cursed. My sister is in the same boat as me and she is so sweet and extremely beautiful. All 4 of my brothers are single too which has me wondering… is this some sort of family curse?? How do I lift it? I can’t stand another day of being lonely and feeling unwanted. I keep praying god lifts the curse and that I can find love in friendship or marriage
 
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Have you and your sister spoke to a priest about your vocation? To make sure you’re called to marriage?

May I suggest that if you’re looking for marriage to consider using a Catholic dating website if you cannot find a Catholic male in person.

If some men don’t find you attractive perhaps it’s because they’re not called to marry you. Maybe God is not allowing them to see you that way. 💖💐🌷

Would you like me to share some Catholic websites? For dating? I’d also recommend asking the angel Raphael to pray for you in regards to marriage and for your sister also.
 
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I doubt seriously that you are cursed. Like anything else, some people are just better than others at making friends and dating. Many of us struggle with dating.

I would like to share the advice given to me when I felt like nobody liked me (most of us feel that way at some point or another). That is…focus on what you want to do, and do it. Also focus on making other people feel welcome. If you are at a party feeling awkward look for other people who need someone to talk to and show an interest in getting to know them. Instead of feeling badly that you weren’t invited out somewhere, plan something and do the inviting.

Volunteer. If you work, ask your co-workers if they want to all go out for Taco Tuesday, or plan an office potluck. If you are in school, ask classmates if they want to get coffee and study for the next test together.

If you like a guy, it can be as simple as saying “Hi” and smiling. Or even, “I don’t think we have ever spoken…I’m Cathy (or whatever your name is)”. Or, “great presentation” or “nice shirt”. It doesn’t have to be a big thing.
 
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I tried confronting guys since they don’t approach me but they never like me back. And really? Dating seems to come very easy to everyone I know. I’m the only person I know at my age who has never dated. Every friend I ever had was fake. It’s hard to find good people or anyone who even wants to bother with me
 
Are they friendless too? And were they single all their lives? And are they single by choice?
 
LuvGodandFortnite said:
I tried confronting guys since they don’t approach me but they never like me back. And really? Dating seems to come very easy to everyone I know. I’m the only person I know at my age who has never dated. Every friend I ever had was fake. It’s hard to find good people or anyone who even wants to bother with me
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What are your interests and hobbies? What do you like to do when you are not working or sleeping?
 
If you “haven’t had a friend in years” and you’re 22, that is suggesting to me that maybe you should work on just developing a basic social life and not focus on dating right now. You don’t have to be some big social butterfly, but it’s unusual to be in your early 20s and not have even a couple of friends who you talk with or do social things with. I also noticed a past thread you started a few months ago where you talked in detail about struggling with your sexual identity, so maybe that is part of the issue because a struggle like that can confuse or get in the way of normal social interactions. I hope you have been able to resolve that concern.

As others have suggested, find some activities you enjoy doing and pursue them. If you enjoy a certain hobby, or are a fan of a certain performer, author, etc, then look for some groups you can join with like-minded people and that usually leads to social interactions and meetups, and friendships and often dates and relationships tend to naturally follow from there.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
As others have suggested, find some activities you enjoy doing and pursue them. If you enjoy a certain hobby, or are a fan of a certain performer, author, etc, then look for some groups you can join with like-minded people and that usually leads to social interactions and meetups, and friendships and often dates and relationships tend to naturally follow from there.
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I agree so much with this! And even if you don’t end up meeting someone and dating, you’ll still be living a fuller, happier life by getting involved with something that interests you.

And don’t worry if your interests seem to be off-beat. My husband collects typewriters–he has over 80 now, and loves tinkering with the ones that need repairs. It’s fun for him to be online and getting involved with the bidding for a typewriter, and since we are close to Chicago and several large cities in Wisconsin, and also have relatives in St. Louis, Missouri, it’s fun for both of us to take a road trip to go pick up a typewriter that he has purchased. He also does a lot of shopping in the vintage stores and at estate sales in our city–the people who run these sales know him and keep an eye out for typewriters.

Yes, it sounds pretty nerdy–typewriters. But it’s what he loves! So you should pursue what you love, even if it sounds weird.

Just an example–in our city, there is a comic book store that has a huge game room (in fact, there are two locations for this store in the city), and every evening and on Saturdays and Sundays, people of all ages (not just teens and college students, but quite a few older people) gather to play role-playing games (like the old Dungeons and Dragons, but there are so many of these games now), and also computer games in person instead of by themselves. It looks really fun for the ones who are playing!

My brother and I enjoy touring historic homes and sites–he is a history fanatic and it’s fun to hear him talk about the area. Both of us like to sit in a favorite local restaurant that has a lot of regulars who always talk while they eat–and we talk about everything—politics, religion, the relevant issues in our city and our area, old times, new times, etc.–and we get a good meal while we’re talking!

So go for what you are truly interested and be YOURSELF and don’t constantly be wishing you had a different life. Just be you and get out there and do the stuff you love. And that includes church and other religious activites–I assume that since you are on CAF, you are interested in faith-based activities and pursuits. Do them, and don’t worry about meeting a romantic partner. Just live your life and enjoy.
 
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What @Tis_Bearself said is one of the most important things you can do. I’ll add this next bit because it often takes years to realize it without help.

The generic desire "to have friends’ or “to have a loved one” is among the more self destructive desires you can hold. It confuses friendship and love by objectifying them and objectifying yourself. If you keep trying to approach people to get them to be your friend you will not like the results, even if you succeed. Your goal should not be to make friends, your goal should be to make associations and be a friend.
 
How are your social skills?
And your sister’s? And your bro’s?

You may need to get some life coaching on basic conversation and learning to navigate friendships. Try to figure out what other people are doing right and what you’re doing wrong. Learn how to bring a relationship from “friendly acquaintance” to “friend”.

If all your family has trouble making friendships, I wonder what was Going on growing up.
We’re your parents popular or isolated?
Did they socialize with family and relatives?
Were you a cozy little family group, which isn’t too bad when the kids are very small, but you need to learn how to branch out and that just didn’t happen?
 
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What nationality are you if you don’t mind saying?

When you like a guy are you letting things progress naturally like go on a date etc or do you think there’s any chance you may be letting off a slight desperate vibe like need.relationship.now…

Has there been any situations when a guy has liked you or someone mentioned about a guy liking you etc?
 
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Nationality? I’m white. Mostly Italian. I don’t come across as desperate at all. No guys ever flirt with me or even look in my direction. They just don’t like me even though I put in a good effort to look attractive. This is why I believe I’m cursed
 
As someone who recently got over a very rough breakup with her boyfriend of 6.5 years, I can say that you shouldn’t feel bad about not ever being in a relationship, or getting jealous over other people’s relationships. I’m only a year older than you, but I completely understand where you’re coming from. Growing up, I rarely had any friends considering I was super sensitive and shy. And when we got to high school, it seemed that everyone in my group but me had some sort of romantic relationship. The summer after my sophomore year, I got my first job at the local grocery store. And that’s when I met my first boyfriend. He was 3 years older than me, however, we didn’t start going out until the end of my junior year. Now at the time, I was completely smitten with him, because he was the first guy to ever pay me any serious attention. At the beginning, he was very sweet. And by the time we started going out, I thought to myself, “Hey, I think I found the one.” :roll_eyes: Anyway, we’ve been on and off again for 6.5 years, with our latest (and last) falling out back in September. I learned many lessons while with him, including what love is and what it isn’t. However, it wasn’t until after our last fallout did I realize something. I said he was 3 years older than me. We started going out a week before I turned 17 and two weeks before he turned 20. And while we waited to do anything until after I was 18, he still took advantage of me and got me addicted to sex. This in turn lead to extreme low self esteem after our first break up and I sinned with my rebound boyfriend and almost with a third. And it wasn’t until our last fallout did I realize this. Needless to say I was very hurt by this. My point is, please wait for the one that God deems worthy for you. The saying that opposites attract? Yeah, that’s not really true at all. I’m not saying you or your future husband should have everything in common. But please don’t be with someone who doesn’t share your values or your ideals. For example, I tried so hard to make it work with my boyfriend (who happened to be an atheist). And despite his agreeing to get married in the Church one day and raising our children in the faith, he still said he wouldn’t convert or attend Mass each Sunday. He also stopped putting effort into our relationship in the twilight years of our relationship. He knew I liked celebrating Valentine’s Day and my birthday, but he made no effort this year. Let me give you some advice that my former deacon gave to me when I paid him a visit two weeks ago. Keep praying to God and and trust that he’ll send you a man whose worthy. And if there’s any volunteer opportunities in your parish, take advantage of them! And if you’re from a small parish like me where people are either under 18, married, or middle aged/elderly, then you might need to look around your Diocese. Keep holding onto faith and hope, and don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made. Also, it might be helpful to read up on the Sacrament of Marriage. I know reading the books I’ve recently got have really help me understand marriage and love better. Just keep growing closer to Christ and I’m sure he’ll deliver 😊
 
Spend some time looking inward, rather than looking in the mirror. Some of us, myself included, are socially awkward. We can’t help it…we just say the wrong thing sometimes. Is that part of your problem? When you are in a social situation, are you standing there with your arms crossed in front of you, or are you open and smiling and actively listening? Just work on being open to people, actively listening and work on being a friend first. Don’t look or act desperate…that puts people off. Work on your social skills and a friendly, positive attitude. Try to make some friends at church, try some volunteering in a hospital or nursing home. Good luck and God bless you on your journey.
 
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