This has been a problem for me my entire life, but especially lately when I have surrendered my life to Jesus and God. Back in the day when I was an agnostic and didn’t give a thought to God in my life, it was easy to just do what you wanted to. No worrying about whether you were doing God’s will or what his will might be for your life. Of course my life was crap and a struggle and hardship every step of the way.
Finally I realized that there is another way and that God has a will for you. But… and this is where I struggle… I don’t know if I’m doing God’s will. Every morning I get up and say my rosary asking Jesus to show me God’s will and how I can be a blessing to someone that day. I ask Mary to intercede with God to have him show me his will for my life. Yet, I go to work and come home and nothing seems to change. I’m doing the same things I did when I was an agnostic, the only difference being that now I ask God to come into my life.
Sometimes I think God is up there thinking “oh no, not her, I know she is open to doing my will but I want someone better, not her.” And so God ignores me or it seems that way. God’s will is to be nice to people and live a Godly life. Well you can do that as an agnostic too. Isn’t there more than that? Doesn’t God have something more specific for each of us to do in our lives?