The father of my stepchildren, although we don’t use the word step in our house, belongs to the LDS church and occasionally brings his children to church during his bi-weekly weekend visitation. Our children are all baptized in the Catholic Church and attend CCD on the weekends they are with us. When the children return from their visits with their father and have actually attended church that weekend, they are full of false ideas and beliefs about God, and from time to time have negative things to say about the Catholic Church which clearly have been planted by their father. I have two questions.
In addition to prayer, what steps should we take to make sure that our children will remain true to our faith? Based on the stories my wife told me about the LDS church from her prior marriage, the LDS church is very good at co-opting and frightening people to belong. How do we effectively rebuff some of the ideas that the kids are being exposed to in a way that allows them to recognize the truth without running them off?
Am I a bigot for despising the LDS church and its faith? My wife has told me so many stories about the hidden abuse, scare tactics, and cultlike behavior of the LDS church that I often feel myself angry at what is clearly a false, non-Christian faith. Moreover, when the children come home and tell me about what I can only describe as “crazy” ideas about God and our Savior, my frustration increases and I feel somewhat helpless. What is the dividing line between being vigilant against false prophets and heresy, and being a bigot?
First of all, whether or not you and your wife use the word, keep in mind that you are indeed the stepfather of these children. That means that your role in these children’s religious education must be far more modest, and you should be respectful of their father’s rights as their father, whether or not you agree with his faith, particularly since he and your wife apparently were Mormon during their marriage and possibly agreed at some point to raise the children Mormon. That said:
If the children have been baptized Catholic, that means that their father should have agreed to this at some point. (A priest should not have baptized these children Catholic without their father’s consent unless he was clearly no longer a part of their lives.) If this is the case, then the children should not be attending an LDS church or exposed to LDS religious education at all. If their father is reneging on an agreement to allow the children to be raised Catholic, and will not agree to stop taking the children to his LDS church despite your wife’s protest, then your wife may need to consult with an attorney to revisit the custody arrangements for these children.
If you and your wife arranged to have these children baptized Catholic without their father’s agreement then you and she are the ones who have done a disservice to these children, not by the fact of their becoming Catholic, but because you have chosen to sow serious religious confusion into their lives by not respecting a previous agreement your wife and ex-husband made to raise their children Mormon. If that is the case, then these children’s father would be within his rights to protest your actions and take legal steps against you, if necessary. Keep in mind that I am not arguing for any superiority of Mormonism over Catholicism; I am only saying that parents who subsequently convert to another religion cannot thereby disregard previous agreements and must work within those agreements where possible to respect the freedom of conscience of their spouse and children.
As for your question about the line between fighting heresy and being a bigot:
In this case, I think the difference between a fighter of heresy and a bigot is the difference between seeking to be a servant of truth and envisioning oneself as a master of truth. A servant of truth respects others’ legitimate freedom; does not nurture hatred; and seeks to be a positive, constructive witness to truth. He does not present truth as “his own” but recognizes it as an objective reality that upholds him and is available to all who seek it. He makes it available to others whenever possible, but does not “push it” upon anyone. A bigot, by contrast, has contempt for others; undermines their legitimate freedom and authority; and presumes that he knows what is best for others. He uses truth either as a hammer to pound others into submission or as leverage to win points or manipulate others. In short, the difference is between loving truth and loving to be right.
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