Am I Going Against God?

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alexaesposito

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Hi guys,
I just am looking for advice on a sensitive topic to me. My parents divorced when I was 9, my father was very verbally abusive towards me when I went on visitation with him. It seemed as if he took his anger toward my mother out on me. When I was 11 I told my mom I didn’t want to go on visitation with him anymore. She tried a few ways for us to work something out, like talking with a therapist but he never showed up to appointments. I had told my mom that I felt as if I was going against God by not honoring my father and that I was going to go to hell. She had me talk to my priest who told me to pray to God and ask him to guide me on my journey. I am 22 now and feel as if God is unhappy and punishing me because I still don’t talk to my father. I tried to reach out to him when he was sick a few years ago but it was really uncomfortable. He and my mother are on better terms now and she started to make me feel guilty about it too. This is what makes me believe that whenever anything negative happens or I am faced a major obstacle, it is a repercussion for not having a relationship with my father.

I’ve prayed numerous times regarding this but I still feel very guilty. I am not sure what to do. My father makes me uncomfortable but I do not want to disrespect God. Am I being silly to think this way? In school I learned of a non punishing, forgiving God but I just feel so conflicted regarding this topic.

Thanks for reading (:
 
I would suggest that you write a letter to your father expressing a desire for a reconciliation. If he doesn’t respond to that then it may be that there is nothing that you can do. In that case I would suggest that you have mass offered up for your father and pray for him.
 
It seems you could use some spiritual advice, rather than Internet opinions.

Call your parish and set an appointment to speak to the priest. Clergy are trained for this sort of thing, and can refer you to other help as needed.

Deacon Christopher
 
Weak people use guilt as a way to attempt to manipulate others. This is what is going on here. Add to that the fact that I believe you need to gain better understanding of what it means to honor your parents. It is possible to “honor from afar” and sometimes that is really the most one should do.

Unfortunately, we don’t select our parents (some believe we do before we get here, but that is a different thread). In any event, I would suggest working towards gaining a healthy understanding of what it means to honor parents who are abusive, while keeping in line with Church teaching (if that is important to you).

I am sorry you are going through this. God loves you the way you are. You aren’t required to take emotional beatings from anyone. He will love you the same if you decide enough is enough. I think you might find some therapy to help you get past this would be a rewarding thing to do. We don’t come into the world knowing how to handle ourselves in these situations.
 
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