Am I ignoring God's will for me?

[christina_s]

Over the last week, I’ve been struggling with the thought that maybe God wants me to marry my friend.

We had a good friendship in high school until he asked me out. I wasn’t interested at the time, and although we went to prom together I always felt guilty about saying no. I didn’t think we were particularly compatible and our communication was always stilted and awkward. That being said, I did like the personality my friend had when he wasn’t acting all mushy-eyed over me. (He’s funny, goofy, and enjoys a couple common interests with me, but when he decided he wanted more, he became very serious all of a sudden.)

A couple years later, he asked me out again, and I said no, again.

This year, I am a sophomore in college, and we go to the same school. Last night we had a really long talk to try to clear the air. I told him it would be impossible for us to remain friends if I thought he still had feelings for me. He said he did, but he’d be willing to forget about them so that we could maintain our friendship.

I’ve dated plenty of guys in the meantime and I think I have a better idea of who I am looking for, but I just got out of a relationship, and now I’m thinking that what God wants is for me to take a break from the dating game and focus on school and friends.

But a loud blaring frightening scary voice in my head keeps warning me that I have screwed up royally by rejecting this friend. What if God wants me to marry this guy and I am ignoring him? I have a tendency to be scrupulous and the thought is affecting me in much the same way that those thoughts sometimes do.

So what is God really telling me? I need to put my heart and mind at peace.

 

[dashso40]

Concentrate on school and friends, you’re too young to think about marriage now…When you meet the right person, don’t worry you’ll know he’s the right one for you…I dated guys before I met my husband, and when I met him, I just felt in my heart he was the one for me…He also happens to be Catholic, God loving and patient…he brought to my faith…We are still happily married with 3 kids…God Bless you!

 

[Hidden_One]

You’re NOT too young to marry. You, however, should not be worrying. Period.

“Pray and don’t worry.” - motto of St. Pio of Pietrelcina (Padre Pio)

Rather, pray. Pray, pray, pray. You won’t get good at it until you pray a lot. By prayer, I do not mean merely talking to God, but talking with God. It is important for all vocation discerners to pray alone, in silence, and listen to Him, in silence.

The one thing that is obvious that you are doing wrong is worrying. (No, I do not mean “worrying too much” but “worrying”. Do not worry. Ever.)

 

[skallal]

Hey Christina,

What a great problem to have! I think you nailed it when you said, “I need to put my mind and heart at peace.” So just relax for a second. Take a deep breath. Look out the window. Love God for just a second. What I mean is, all decision-making is just clarifying what’s most important to you… right now. That begin said, you have 3 options:

1. Go for it
2. Wait a while after your last relationship, and keep your possibilities open
3. Just say no.

If he’s serious, he’ll wait for you. If you need time, he’ll give it to you. If this voice is the same as when you’re scrupulous, then just play with it. What I mean is, **change the tone **of voice to something like Mickey Mouse, or **change the speed **so it’s going really fast, or oh, so, s-l-o-w, or **turn the volume down **until it’s off.

You don’t have to ignore him, but you don’t have to be desperate either. You can just be balanced if you want to, continuing to be friends…

PS. Definitely pray…

 

[christina_s]

Thank you to everybody who replied … today I finally gave up and told God that if he wanted me to do something, I’d drop everything and go do it, and I sensed that the answer I got in return was “Well, it’s not this!”

I don’t know if the whole thing was a test, exactly, but what I got out of it was that I’ve been afraid that I would intentionally ignore something God was telling me to do (in that little quiet way that we can sometimes feel…). But resolving that I won’t ignore Him made me realize that right now, there’s nothing to ignore, because he’s not telling me to begin a relationship with this guy.

I’m still a little confused, but I feel like I’m doing the right thing. For now.

One thing I’m looking for in a guy is that he puts his faith first in his life, and this friend doesn’t do that. I still care about him, but I know I need somebody who cares just as much as I do so that we can lift each other up rather than be imbalanced.