Am I in the wrong? Was I rude?

[ellam25]

Hi everyone my husband is very close to getting laid off (he is next in line next time they do layoffs) so I decided to go back to work at the preschool I worked at before which is what I went to school for. I have been nannying my husband’s baby cousin two times a week for about a year and originally I was going to start Doing lessons with him come September when he would be starting preschool but because this job opportunity popped up and I will need something with more hours and pay, I decided to take it. I messaged her last night to tell her I would be starting at the preschool in two weeks (she hates the phone which is why I did not call, and I am not going to see her in person until Tuesday) and she completely ignored my message. In my experience this means she’s angry at me and now I’m second guessing myself if I did the right thing or if I taking a big old poop on her and look like a jerk. I have anxiety about disappointing people so this has been bothering me all day

 

[puer.dei]

Your first responsibility is to your own family. If you need to go back to work, you need to go back to work.
Don’t worry about it, you can’t control how other people react.

 

[TheIttyBitty]

Is this a message with a read receipt? If there’s no read receipt, I would not jump to the conclusion that she’s even read it.
Her phone might have been off, broken, or she might be busy and forgot to look, or lost it under a car seat or any number of things.

If there is a read receipt, there’s not much to be done but offer her her time to cool off and adjust to things.

Your family has just as much right to survive as any other, and within a marriage, your family comes first. Even certain volunteer organizations expect that volunteers must take care of their own family duties first and foremost before helping others. You’ve had a new struggle and are taking care of that for the benefit of your family’s welfare.

There is nothing here to feel guilty about, unless the wording itself was harsh. Hope this helps!

 

[Lou2U]

@Ellam25, I wonder if you might benefit from some assertiveness classes, and therapy. I remember some of your past threads where you have been afraid of upsetting other family members, or blaming yourself for their anger. I do think it would help you to put some boundaries up and not feel bad for enforcing them. Of course your family needs to come first. Her being angry with you doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

I really do recommend you seek out some outside help for your anxiety.

 

[AdamP88]

You have to worry about your own family. It’s good to help relatives and friends out, but ultimately we have to prioritise our immediate family.

 

[Irishmom2]

Also, in addition to what everyone else said, you did in effect give two weeks notice which is what people usually do. So it’s not not you. Don’t worry, and best wishes on your “new” job!

 

[bluerose]

Personally, I would have called, no matter how much she hates the phone. This would have assured you that she DID get your notice and is aware that she now has two weeks to find another nanny for her son.

Texting your two-week notice to a “real” employer would not be well-received and, even though this is family, a little more personal touch would probably have been appreciated. I realize that the thought of dealing with her getting upset at the news may be another reason why a text may have seemed like the better option, but with a phone call, at least you’d know exactly what her feelings are and not be worrying or wondering if you’d done something wrong because she hasn’t responded.

 

[Legend]

It’s possible she hasn’t read your message yet. If once things are looking up for your husband, employment-wise, you plan to stop working full time and take similar, short-term nannying jobs, it may pay to build your reputation, by making sure your employers have plenty of time to replace you. Also, if you live in the New York area, where all the power outages are, it’s very likely your message hasn’t gone thru. I had pages of back email!

Just try to know what your employers needs are. Since they must live near you, they should be aware of possible changes, too. Try to call them, and keep yourselves on good terms.

Edit:

After re-reading some of the past posts…well, I stand by my advice, but do agree that you may be making too much of this. Just be polite and courteous, stressing the fact that you knew she hated using the phone. If she does make a big issue of this, try to get her to set a time as to when you should ignore the ‘no phone’ rule. This may make things easier on both of you.

Best of luck on your new job. God Bless!!!

 

[EmilyAlexandra]

Nobody could reasonably expect you to turn down a proper job for which you have professional qualifications in order to continue nannying two days per week. I think anyone would have done the same in the same situation.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Agree with everyone else, if you need to take a better job to help support your own family, then that’s your prerogative and you did give your 2 weeks’ notice.

Just make sure you mention this out loud to the baby’s mom when you see her on Tuesday, in case she did not receive your text for some reason (phone broke, accidentally deleted text, it got buried under other messages etc.).

 

[Buks]

I wouldn’t worry at all, and maybe just follow up with a phone call. (“Hey, I didn’t get a reply to my text so I just want to make sure you got it. A week from Monday I’m starting a job like I studied for.” And if you’re call goes into voicemail, add “I want to make sure you know so please call or text so I don’t worry that there was some technical glitch.”)

 

[JanR]

You aren’t a doormat. Don’t let others trample on you. Silence out of anger is a form of bullying. You are taking care of your family, and doing the wise thing. You were honest enough to communicate with her, to give her a heads up. If your wording was kind, or at least civil, then if she’s angry, it’s HER problem, not yours. Life can get in the way of the best laid plans, and alter them.

None of us have been placed on this earth to please everybody.

 

[CoffeeCatholic]

I’m sure she’s upset because good, trustworthy childcare is so hard to find - I totally get that. She is understandably going to be upset and probably angry… at first. BUT you are absolutely right to return to teaching at the preschool. This is what you NEED to do for you and your family. I’m sure she’ll understand this when you have a voice or face to face conversation and can explain your situation. If she still wants to be angry after that, it’s on her… not you.