Am I not my actions?

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Isn’t it possible to disagree with someone’s actions and not hate them? It seems alot of people, when you point out what they’re doing is wrong. They get defensive and see it as an attack on their entire being or they think you hate them.

But… Am I not my actions? If I murder someone, that makes me a murderer. If I rape someone, a rapist. If I commit adultery, I’m an adulterer. If I get drunk always, an alcoholic. Etc., etc.

Idk, I still get a bit baffled by this. I forgot the quote exactly but something along lines of “sum of father’s love for you”. But… Wouldn’t that mean my actions are useless? If what I do doesn’t define me… What does?

It seems so hard to have civilized discussion these days since everything is so polarized and it’s “us” vs “them” and them is always the evil ones. How do you even go about addressing these things? Like knowing someone’s having premarital sex, or living lgbt lifestyle, or substance abuse, or something else?

I struggle with my faith myself and it seems very easy for me to fall away and into old habits. Which makes me feel like why should I say anything if I can’t even follow the rules myself? It seems a bit hypocritical. And perception really matters here… If other person thinks I’m attacking their being, they’re going to react negatively. Idk, I think I should just focus on my own stuff for time being.
 
Generally speaking, we shouldn’t go out of our way to admonish other people unless we have a position of authority and stewardship over the other person, such as is the case with:

Parents
Other older relatives (to a lesser degree)
Teachers / Mentors
Priests / Confessors / Spiritual Advisors
Supervisor
A person soliciting for counsel

And in these cases, the person admonishing has a moral obligation to do so in a constructive way that avoids discouraging them, or worse yet, the discipline and admonishment is used as a mask for venting anger.

Peace.
 
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I would argue you’re not your actions. You are yourself and actions are something you do. They are not your identity.
 
You are not your actions.
God loves you, the individual.
He does NOT love the sinful acts you do. If you murder someone, he does NOT love the fact that you murdered. But he still loves you as a person, and sees all the potential good in you. Those who have committed very serious sins that messed up their lives often turn to the Lord, because they realize he loves them even when other people want nothing to do with them.

The whole point of repentance from sin and Jesus forgiving sinners in the Gospels is that we are not defined or trapped by our sins. If we repent and resolve to sin no more going forward, Jesus forgives us and we are free. We don’t have to go around forever wearing a big scarlet badge that says “Adulterer” or whatever.

By the way, I don’t want to nit pick your post, but alcoholism (and any substance abuse disorder) is a disease, not a sin one commits. Saying “I’m an alcoholic” is same as saying “I’m a diabetic”. It means you have a disease that you have to manage for the rest of your life. Part of the treatment for the disease is being able to own up to the fact that you have it. Not everybody who gets drunk regularly is an alcoholic, although a non-alcoholic who does that is likely putting himself at risk to develop alcoholism if he keeps up the behavior, the same way as a casual user of heroin might end up addicted to it if he messes around with it enough. I would suggest just leaving substance abuse disorders out of your thoughts on this subject.
 
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jtwp5 said:
Which makes me feel like why should I say anything if I can’t even follow the rules myself?
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It is always better for people to worry about themselves and try to correct their own faults first. if someone is doing something dangerous or unhealthy, some people would say something to them. However, most people know they are doing wrong and don’t need us to tell them, and our words often fall upon deaf ears.

So for yourself, you are not merely your actions. You can go to confession if your actions are sinful. But God loves us at all times.
 
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jtwp5 said:
Isn’t it possible to disagree with someone’s actions and not hate them? …
But… Am I not my actions? …
How do you even go about addressing these things? Like knowing someone’s having premarital sex, or living lgbt lifestyle, or substance abuse, or something else? …
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2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.278
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2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:
Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.280
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2480 Every word or attitude is forbidden which by flattery, adulation, or complaisance encourages and confirms another in malicious acts and perverse conduct. Adulation is a grave fault if it makes one an accomplice in another’s vices or grave sins. Neither the desire to be of service nor friendship justifies duplicitous speech. Adulation is a venial sin when it only seeks to be agreeable, to avoid evil, to meet a need, or to obtain legitimate advantages.
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Yeah I thought my language could’ve been better worded when writing that post. Though from your reasoning, the same thing would apply to a sex or food addict.
 
I would say most people are engaged in some type of addiction. Whether food, sex, drugs, alcohol, or something else. Often it’s from past trauma. I’ve known people who’ve had abuse in life and they turned to said things mention above to deal with it. So wouldn’t that reduce their culpability?
 
It’s best not to try to figure out other people’s problems and why they do stuff, unless you are either their doctor or their counselor or a fellow member of their addiction support group.

God knows people’s hearts and motivations and he’s very merciful. If someone has a true disease of addiction then their free will is impaired and it may reduce their culpability, but that’s between them, God, their confessor, their counselor, their doctor etc.
 
jtwp5 said:
Isn’t it possible to disagree with someone’s actions and not hate them? It seems alot of people, when you point out what they’re doing is wrong. They get defensive and see it as an attack on their entire being or they think you hate them.
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Yes you can disagree with someone’s actions and not hate them.
I think that is a message that needs to be said today.
The word ‘haters’ seems to be used a lot these days. I wouldn’t go out of my way to comment on someone else’s behavior because it usually proves futile. However, if someone is trying to bully me because I’m Catholic, and the assumption is that Catholics are haters, I would be fine in correcting them.
 
Just the opposite, as a wise man said, God knows out sins and calls us by our name. Satan knows our name yet calls by our sins

Our actions show the world what is in our heart, but, we have diginty and worth that is not dependant on our actions.

As others have said, except in specific cases like a parent and child, we are not to judge others. We take care of the beam in our own eye
 
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